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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Should we be having sex? Genuine questions, feeling insecure

14 replies

VikingLady · 14/12/2011 16:04

I should start by saying that none of this is coming from DH. I am very lucky with him - he is lovely and is not pressuring me at all, but I am 26w and have no interest in sex whatsoever - haven't been interested since around 2w.

veryone I knew pre-pg who has kids said they were horny as hell for at least part of pregnancy, and I expected to follow suit. I've tried everything I can think of - even to the extent of looking for internet porn! (The stuff that is marketed to women). I know it is not down to DH - he hasn't changed towards me, apart from looking after me a bit more. I haven't had to carry shopping home for months! He thinks I look sexy still, and tells me so. Can't take his eyes of these enormous boobs!

He is not pressuring me to have sex, but we used to dtd at least 3 times per week, and it is a long time to ask him to go without. I repeat - he is not complaining about it! He says that whatever I feel must be right as my hormones are telling me what i should andshouldn't be doing, but he is clearly making up the difference on his own, if you see what I mean... I see the evidence (he is not a tidy man)... I also miss it myself. But whatever I/we try, there is not a flicker of a spark.

This is longer than planned, but really I just wanted to know whether this is just me? I honestly did not expect this. I didn't post this in relationships as it is a purely pg-related question. Thank you.

OP posts:

Ellypoo · 14/12/2011 16:11

I have been exactly the same all the way through - I have had absolutely no energy, and now have PGP, so we have barely dtd at all. I am now 35 + 3!!

DH has been fine about it really, not put any pressure on me at all, but I feel really bad about it.

I think that it really varies from pg/woman to pg/woman - some people have stages of feeling really horny; other people's libido just disappears. It's rubbish, but it's great that your DH understands and isn't putting any pressure on you.

Crosshair · 14/12/2011 16:14

I've gone off sex since being pregnant, its just one of those things.

yummicheddars · 14/12/2011 16:43

Yep me to. Completely off it. Although when I do force myself ( my DP thinks I REALLY want it) it does feel really good, better then before in fact, but even still I have no sex drive. When I go to bed its to sleep, well attempt to. Stupid pregnancy insomnia!

user59457812 · 14/12/2011 16:45

I'm 26 weeks too and in fact was worrying about this very topic myself this morning!

I had a very high sex drive before getting pregnant and we DTD a lot (often I was the one pestering DH when HE was too tired...). In early pregnancy I was too scared of 'dislodging' something to be honest, then once I got my confidence again we did it every now and then, but since I've really started showing he's stopped initiating anything, and I'm never really in the mood.

It's started to bother me as I'm assuming that I'll be too sore/too tired for a while after the baby comes (not to mention lactating, which I think may be a turn off for him!), and I feel we should be making the most of now. Not swinging from the chandeliers or anything, but at least making the effort once or twice a week.

If he was up for it I could probably get into it, but I don't spontaneously get into the mood at the moment, and he says he does still find me attractive/sexy, but 'it's different'. I think I've become a bit of a sacred vessel, if you know what I mean, which is nice in it's way - but I'd still like him to jump my bones!

I was fully expecting to be one rampant bag of hormones, so it's quite surprised me that I'm pretty much the opposite end of the scale. I'm sure it's normal but I know what you mean about wanting to get a bit of a spark going again...

BellaCB · 14/12/2011 16:51

I've completely gone off it. It's like the actual hormones responsible for making me feel, ahem, interested just don't exist any more and even on the few occasions when we have tried, my mind might be interested but my body isn't and I have had to resort (sorry if this is TMI!) to using KY jelly to make things easier. I can see things on TV, read things in books etc that might have created a bit of a spark before and at the moment. I think it is incredibly common, it's just one of those things that people don't talk about, whereas they do talk about being incredibly horny throughout pregnancy. The same way that people talk about terrible births but feel uncomfortable talking about bad births!

I wouldn't worry too much about it, but if you are missing the intimacy then think of other ways you can be close - massages and the like. Again this is probably far, faaar TMI but my DP (who like yours hasn't been pressuring me but who I know misses it a lot) and I have started doing other stuff that it, er, 'fun' for him more than it is for me; I've accepted that a lot of what gives me a sense of intimacy actually 'winds him up' and so we then do something about it. Personally I don't mind doing that, but I'm aware a lot of women would mind, its all very individual.

The main thing really is that you aren't alone, so please don't stress about this, and be happy that your DP is so understanding.

Harecare · 14/12/2011 16:58

Same as yummycheddars I sometimes see it as a bit of a chore, like ironing, needs to be done, but I do take satisfaction in doing a good job! I'm only 20 weeks, but will probably aim for once a week until the last month or so as in previous pregnancies.

yummicheddars · 14/12/2011 17:06

Well when it gets to the last month ill be like a dog on heat! Lol. I hope! At least your partners still find you sexy.. Mines turned and said to me that he doesn't find me sexy when pregnant. I'm 21 weeks, got a pretty small bump although I've gained a lot of weight, well gone up from size 6-8 to a 10! Oh well x

Original poster

VikingLady · 14/12/2011 17:46

Thank you - so glad I am not alone! though obviously sorry for anyone else in the same situation

TMI alert, but yes BellaCB I've done that a couple of times. no need to specify, I don't think! Also tried lube in the hope I would get into it once it all got going, but nothing. Not a tingle. I did encourage him to finish off though - I didn't throw him off, or anything! Poor chap. Took him a while with no feedback... He really is a nice chap. The massages are a good idea, especially if they lead to smething for him. Means we both get something we want out of it. I do miss the intimacy, yes. But I also miss feeling horny. I was looking forward to being able to forget my figure and lookng good for once, now I don't need to hold my tummy in!

yummicheddars I am sorry your DP doesn't find the bump sexy, but you can't help what does/doesn't! Size 10 though - I was never that small! Fortunate to be married to a boob man, really. I don't think he notices the rest, except to get broody over the bump.

HotPinkGingham Fear may be part of it, I guess. Had a minor bleed after sex at 6w or so, but I do know that sex won't hurt it now. Actually looking forward to dtd after I'm lactating... May sound weird but my mum once told me (she was extremely drunk) that milk accidentally squirting in your DH's eye is the funniest thing in the world!

OP posts:

Original poster

VikingLady · 14/12/2011 17:47

Could do without the comments made by friends assuming I'll be as horny as they were, though. All the comments about being spontaneous now I don't need to worryabout getting pregnant...

OP posts:

feekerry · 14/12/2011 18:36

Think we've had sex once since we found out I was pregnant. I've had severe hyperemesis since week 5 and now i'm 26 weeks and have spd so really dont feel like it. Plus think my partner is very mindful of the ever growing bump and moving baby. Its just not happening so were not pushing it and as it stands its just one of these things. It'll pass but I couldn't think of anything less appealing at the moment!x

Flisspaps · 14/12/2011 18:40

If you don't feel like sex, the simple answer is no - you shouldn't be doing it just to please your DH. Not wanting sex in pregnancy is normal as is wanting lots of sex, or just wanting it occasionally

molly3478 · 14/12/2011 19:39

Its all just hormonal i am the other way I feel like I could shag a lamp post! However one thing I am getting, and also got last time was crying at minor situations to DH and I am never like that normally. Its all weird things in your body!

MiauMau · 15/12/2011 11:25

Same here! Always been very sexual (coff, coff), but ever since I had a scare at 13 weeks it hasn't been the same for me, and I guess that DP feels the same. He's a lovely guy, extremely caring, always hugging, stroking the bump and kissing but, when it comes to it well, it's a bit awkward! Almost like freaking virgin teenagers!

amyboo · 15/12/2011 14:33

I find I'm pretty off sex with this pregnancy - was quite into it in the first 6/7 months of my last pregnancy... I find I'm not really initiating it at the moment, and often would prefer to just carry on lying on the sofa! However, I'll usually go along with it and find I'm really really keen once we get going. So, it seems this time I'm still getting the amazing orgasms, but just without the constant horniness!
(btw, DH doesn't pressure me for sex - just asks - I realised it sounds a bit like does in what I've written above!)

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