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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Is 45 too old to have a second child?

49 replies

kickdeechick · 12/12/2011 20:25

I had my first child two years ago aged 43. The pregnacy and birth were straight forward and we now a beautiful little boy. He was naturally conceived. My question is, is 45 too old to have another baby? My main concern is the chance of genetic problems.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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RealLifeIsForWimps · 14/12/2011 09:28

maternal age is only one factor for downs. For my age, my risk is 1:120, after an integrated test it went to 1:7010, it's just numbers.

It's not just numbers though. It's fact. One in thirty babies conceived by forty-five year old women has DS. Your blood results just showed that you are just one of the 119 who don't have the Downs Child out of the 120. So they are basically saying "Based on your age, your chance is 1 in 120, but having looked at your blood results, it's likely that it's not you"

I always think a good rule of thumb is "would you bet your house on it?"

At 120-1, the answer would be "quite possibly". At 30-1, the answer would be "no way"

samwellsbutt · 14/12/2011 09:54

my dp ex had a child a 38 and one at 40 both had what would be considered high risks of downs. the dd was 1 in 11 and was fine the ds was a sure thing, from pretty much the moment they saw the scan.
if you are sure you will be able to cope with any possible out come whatever that maybe then i say go for it. any child will in rich a family. if you are not sure then dont and enjoy what you have.

belgo · 14/12/2011 10:15

How many of you know someone who at the age of 45 (not 38, not 40, not 41, not even 43) but at 45, who has had a healthy baby?

olittletownof · 14/12/2011 11:24

um yes it is just numbers - statistics can be interpreted to give all manner of things. the 1:120 risk is an over-simplification based on age alone when in reality there are all sorts of other factors that should be taken into account. Even with 1:30 it's still 97.6% likely to be ok.

I would think that the fact kickdeechick had a problem free pregnancy at 43 would go in her favour but all pregancies & eggs are different so nothing is guaranteed. The fact that it's a second child at 45 is very different to a first, this would be a sibling to a DS of 2 and yes I do know at least one person who had DC2 at 45, again quite close in age to DC1.

It's a personal decision to how you would handle various tests and decisions and would definitely involve some soul-searching along the way but the odds are still in your favour.

Laquitar · 14/12/2011 11:34

belgo i do. I was 44 and dd2 is healthy.

But agree that OP should be prepared for anything.

All the best luck OP

P.S. There was a thread for mums over 40 btw if you want to search it.

Laquitar · 14/12/2011 11:35

Oh and of course we know Mrs Blair too. 46.

Longtallsally · 14/12/2011 11:48

Close friend had her first at 45 - very healthy and happy young man.

I had my second at 41 and joined a website called mums35plus at the time. Lots of helpful statistics on there and lots of myths about scare stories exposed. Some sad stories but many many positives too.

Interestingly I remember that the slightly increased risk in miscarriage as you are in your 40s also means that there is a higher percentage of healthy children born. An older mother's body is less tolerant of a foetus with problems apparently, which accounts for the increase in miscarriage.

In pre-pill days it was quite normal for mothers to continue to have children into their late forties and beyond, though obviously they tended to start earlier. It is only post 1950s that the older mother has been regarded as something unusual

RealLifeIsForWimps · 14/12/2011 11:53

Ohlittle I agree that it's an oversimplification, but just as the OP's odds could be better than 1 in 30, they could also be worse. We don't know, because we don't have insight into the other factors, and neither does she, so all you can go on is the 1 in 30 that you do have. For example, some of those 45 year olds could be using donated eggs, so their risk should be lower, which means that the risk for those using own eggs would be higher.

Let's not dismiss the risks just because they don't suit our wishes.

I don't want to be negative about children with Downs. In fact one of the reasons I am a little paranoid is that I know I could not terminate in that scenario, having worked with a number of adults with DS. However, the flip side of that work is that I also appreciate the huge life long responsibility that the families of people with learning disabilities face and I personally don't want to be dealing with that stress in my seventies (plus the fear of what happens when I die). I know people say "well you're always responsible for your children" but I don't agree it's to the same extent.

olittletownof · 14/12/2011 12:15

but we do have an insight, that's what screening gives us. I've had friends that got a 1:8 and 1:10 risk that went on to have amnios and all was fine, both were less than 35 at the time. I was just trying to show the difference (and mis-representation possibly) of isolating out one age related statistic without other factors being taken into consideration. Odds can go up and down whatever the age once they start testing, it's part of the risk of having a baby at any age.

I agree I'm not sure that I could ever have a termination based on a non-life threatening result which as there is a higher risk of downs, albeit still quite small, that some soul-searching is required. I think bigpigeon summed it up perfectly upthread.

belgo · 14/12/2011 12:29

The risk doesn't just come from genetic problems. Not all genetic problems can be picked up by screening anyway.

There are also the increased risk of premature birth which can lead to disability, and that is more unpredictable.

I'm not saying that the OP shouldn't do it; I just think that she needs to go into it with her eyes wide open. And I am saying that I personally would not plan a pregnancy at the age of 45.

ThatVikRinA22 · 14/12/2011 12:30

belgo - my friend - yes he has aspergers but he is healthy, a strapping 6 footer, he is at university studying genetics.

she had him on her 45th birthday.

MrsHoarder · 14/12/2011 12:37

The problem at this point is that the OP is not just responsible for a possible future child but also an existing one, so risks need to be weighed up with her current DS in mind (how would he cope with a disabled sibling? Or a mother who has problems due to the birth?) You should probably also consider how well you will cope as a family with two teeagers whilst in your 60s. Otoh, there is no point fretting about the ideal time to have a baby, there isn't one. And I'm sure that you have a lot to offer a child.

From the genetic conditions side, consider the difficulties in getting a someone with severe learning disabilities settled into a stable adult situation (be that a shared house, care home or something else) and that this can take until they reach their mid-twenties before they are living a life which is not utterly dependent on you. That would put you in your 70s.

Olittletown: with two friends with a 1/8 and a 1/10 risk each then the chance of one of them actually having a baby with Downs was 21%. This is not insignificant, but you need around 10 friends with that sort of risk profile for none of them having a baby with Downs to start being unusual.

Dlamis · 14/12/2011 12:47

I know 2 people who has their first at 43 and second at 45 and 46. All children are perfectly fine and healthy.

But I also know of a couple of others who have dc's with problems/special needs.

The thing is, it may be down to age, but it may not.

We have 2 ds's and would love another dc(no.3) but the increased risk of problems for baby (and mother) and the impact that might have on the ds's are something we are having to carefully think about.

Dlamis · 14/12/2011 12:50

Sorry, that sounded oversimplified.

I meant in these people's case it may or may not have been down to age, but generally over a wider population some 45 yr olds with have children with SN and it will be down to their age.

Sandra2011 · 14/12/2011 15:23

I'm 42 and pregnant with my second one :)

littleredmouse · 14/12/2011 20:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pinkyp · 14/12/2011 20:36

Imo my mum was healthy at 40 but now in her 50's is feeling alot unhealthier than she was and is seriously exhausted after watching ds1 for a few hours. I think you are but only because I'm knackered now (26)

motherinferior · 14/12/2011 20:41

I'm a huge believer in the right of older mothers to have babies (I was one, dammit) but there are some hard facts you need to think about too. Your risk of chromosomal abnormalities has gone up a lot since you were 43 (I can't remember the exact likelihood off the top of my head, sorry) - and not all those conditions are detectable in utero, it's just that Down's is the most common and we can detect that; and your fertility is likely to have gone down too. If you do want to have another baby, think about the different odds (and potential decisions if your foetus is diagnosed with Down's) in advance...

RumourOfAHurricane · 14/12/2011 20:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Dunrovin · 14/12/2011 20:43

If you conceive naturally then it is within your natural childbearing age, a natural thing to do, and why not?

Of course there is a higher chance of some problems, and only you can know how you would deal with that - what would you do if a chromosomal condition was found at 12 weeks?

My feeling is, if you have that drive to have another baby, then go for it. There could be problems, you could worry about the what ifs and the terrible maybes, so can anyone who has a child. At least you know that for definite your baby will have a happy stable home, loving parent, was wanted, etc etc. Many babies to younger women start life lacking those things.

motherinferior · 14/12/2011 20:50

You have a one in 35 likelihood of a pregnancy with Down's. It's totally up to you whether you want to play those odds, whether they matter to you, and so on. But you need to be aware of this, and think about what you'd do if it happens.

rattie77 · 14/12/2011 20:58

I had my last child at 45. He is now 3 yrs old and wonderful. He wasn't planned - child above him was 16 and eldest 25. Pregnancy was fine no problems, I had all the tests including amnio. I ended up having a c section as he was 2 weeks late and the inductions weren't really working. He is absolutely perfect - and has brought new joy to our lives, for the first time in years I am looking forward to Christmas again. Good luck x.

georgethecat · 15/12/2011 11:26

Meh I'm sat here watching Jeremy Kyle (I know) where chavs are shouting at each other regarding paternity and prob causing their children major psychological issues. As long as you have got lots of love doesn't matter what age you are xxx

Chattycoffeemom · 21/01/2019 00:44

I had my first child at age 24 and she was diagnosed at age 3 with developmental disability and later Autism. So to be honest I think at any age you can have a child with disabilities. Many friends I know where younger than when I had my daughter. I’m now 44 (soon to be 45) and would like to have one more (I’m a only child and wasn’t blessed with many family members that were close knit to us..) My pregnancy was fine no complications and she was born on her due date. My only concern now is that I take blood pressure medicine even at low dose it still concerns me. If God blesses me with another child with no or with disabilities, I know he will help through it just like he did with my daughter 19 years ago.. Talk with your healthcare provider and start taken prenatal vitamins to prepare your body for the new change you may be exploring..

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