Bloody hell this is awkward

[Florin]

Got best friends around for dinner. We took ages to get pregnant (21 months) they were worried about telling us they got pregnant first go, however we were too so all fine. We had a lovely weekend 8 weeks a go thinking how lovely it was we were both pregnant. Unfortunately they miscarried whereas I have just had my 12 week scan. They have come over and me being pregnant is like the elephant in the room. Everyone is talking round it I feel so uncomfortable and just seen friend on a miscarriage message board (not mumsnet) probably saying something similar. It's going to be a long night. They are our best friends and things always been really open. Feel we need to have a proper conversation about it but don't think it should be me bringing it up.

How awful. I sure if she/they want to talk about it they will in their own time. Try and have a nice night. :)

Having suffered 2 losses myself I think you should a least acknowledge her loss. There is nothing worse than going through such a tough time and nobody mention it. Maybe you could just ask how she is doing and that you are sorry for her loss and have been thinking about her, if she wants to talk about it and your pregnancy she will do then but if not she will probably just say thanks and leave it there. At least she will know you are thinking about her.

I agree acknowledge her loss and let her know you are there for her. I was in a situation not long after I told a friend I was pregnant she lost her pregnancy...................I honestly think that because we did keep talking (by text at first, I let her know I was there for her and would check in with her) we still ahve a fab friendship. She told me since that the worst thing is when people avoid talking about it with her. Be there for her, she'll let you know when she is ready.

I do think you should be the one to bring it up tbh. I think it is easier for you to say to her that you are really sorry, that you want to be there for her, that you want to help, that you know it might not be easy with you being pregnant etc, than it is for her to say that she is feeling upset/jealous or whatever, which she might well be, however happy she is for you and your partner.

We have said that and sorry they have had such a hard time etc. glass of wine and x factor has helped it feel more relaxed. Still a little awkward though

Florin,

There really is nothing awkward about the situation. Miscarriages happen all the time, although this doesn't make them any less devastating for those involved.

The right thing to do is ackowledge their loss (as you already have done) and continue to check in on your friend (even if just by email or txt) to make sure she realises that she has your support and sympathy.

There is nothing worse than friends who skirt around the topic and try to pretend it never happenned because it is 'awkward'.

Sorry I have been in your friend's shoes and it was so wonderful having supportive and empathetic friends who didn't feel it was a topic to be swept under the carpet. My closest friend was pregnant at the time and honestly after the initial shock and sadness, I could not have been more happy for her.

hth

I've been in your friends situation too. Just be as supportive and sympathetic as you would if anything else awful had happened to her. If she's anyhing like me she'll still be super excited about your pregnancy and baby but it will still be hard for her when you have scans etc. so just bear that in mind. Also please don't moan too much to her about your swollen ankles, bad back etc when you get further on as she'd probably kill to have all those ailments (a little grumble is fine but don't bang on about it!). I must admit that my friend was brilliant, tactful and thoughtful but I felt a huge sense of relief when she had her gorgeous baby (and concieved again myself a few days later:) )HTH, the fact you're on here asking for advice shows you're a caring and thoughtful friend, you'll both be fine.

I think some times a nice hug says it all.

Yea I agree with some of the others, you have to meet it head on. In my small office with three of us pregnant at seperate times, I have been the one with a m/c with a friend pregnant then the pregnant one whilst another friend had a m/c. Truly it is part of life and life is too short for awkward moments. whilst going through my m/c it hurt me the most when people avoided baby conversations to protect my feelings (even though well intentioned) my best support came from a friend and her baby who tackled the subject straight on. You can't feel guilty for being pregnant either xxx