Mumsnetters are there any of you single and pregnant?

[mzundastood]

imagine being a single pregnant mother is this day and age lol. My ex MIL is horrified I am still leaving her DS when I've found out I am PG. Worse still I have been allocated a " 2 bit council house" and be "on benefits"! Hanging head in shame as I type, should buy a balaclava (spell check) or stay in for nine months? Over the anger just going with it.
Wondered if there were any other MN'S in same situation as me? Looking for a hand to hold through this and be nice to find someone in same position, many MN'S are happy with DP's or DH's to share pregnancy with lucky ladies (slightly envious ). Not looking forward to Christmas it is normally my favourite time of year but can't get into it this year, my anniversary (engagement) xmas eve. Get keys to new house on 21st so have to stay with ex till then.

feeling like a bah humbug and don't want to rain on others parade who are happy. I am a sad sack lol. Want to go to bed pull covers over head and wait until its all over.
Nxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Me again!!!! I must admit for my 1st few appointments with midwife & obstetrician etc (I am having lots of app's coz of previous history..2 this week alone!!) :-( I felt really quite sad that I was alone in the waiting room while all these other ladies had their partners there...most looking so happy & excited but now it really does'nt bother me... I am so in love with my bubba that he & his absense has no effect on me whatsoever!! To make matters even funnier he lives in the flat above me & when we pass eachother on the stairs he looks away as if we are strangers!!... Yes for a while I could have happily pushed him down them stairs with force but now I actually feel sorry for someone who can be that cold & heartless & wonder how he will be able to live with having his son living so close & walking past him with no feeling!! I might have sleepless nights due to an unsettled baby but his will be sadness & guilt!!!
I want to do lots with this baby that I did'nt do with dd's 1&2 like baby groups, swimming, massage etc but the fact that the other mums will be talking about their partners etc does put me off a little so I am thinking of joining Gingerbread the charity for single parents hopefully they might do meetings etc..
I can't deny I am a little bit ashamed of ending up in this situation, I have worked full time & paid into the state for all but the last 2 years & I will do again when I am able to, there is a huge stigma against single mums & especially the ones needing to claim benefits but I will get off them or need to claim less of them as soon as I can, & I do not abuse the system the little amount of money I get goes on feeding my dd as healthy as I can afford, I go out very little poss twice a year, I gave up smoking 2 years ago because of the cost!! But sadly we are all bundled into 1 catagory & judged for being scroungers & lazy!! The truth is at the moment there is just not the jobs out there for women with children of school age who need to work mon-fri & pref school hours. My last job was a part time retail assistant & in my 1st 3 weeks I spent more on childcare & fares to get my dd looked after at weekends & after school til I got home than I earnt in wages so I had to leave!!
On the plus side of being single I have so enjoyed making all my own decisions.. I have chosen the baby name, pram & cot etc without any man putting in his 2 penneth!! Oh & the one thing I hate is vests, babygrows, bibs & tops that say "I love my Daddy" or "My Daddy rocks" etc.. hate picking up a pack that says nice things about mummy but then in pack also includes a Daddy top.... might get one made that says "My Daddy wishes I was aborted" !!!!! oops think I might have overstepped on that one!!! :-o

Hi Belle xx

I didnt realise you were on your own with the baba (omg imagine we might be only 2 singletons on here lol). Imagine living in the same flats wow that is amazing I admire your not leaving a banana skin on the stairs. bad!
How brave of you to hold your head up and keep going well done you, very proud of you.
I am getting a gro made that says"my daddy and my granny wanted me aborted" and will take baby wearing it into ex mil's posh shop with a sign on my back saying I claim benefits. Her face would so be worth doing that. I so wouldn't do such a thing not even going to tell anyone that is their feelings, ex told me today he would want to see the baby as he would feel guilty if he didnt knowing it was born, should just get rid of it! He doesnt seem to realise if he continues on down this path he will not be getting welcomed with open arms.
Do you have family? Good friends? Hope you have some help and support.
Well my fellow lazy scrounger friend I hope you keep in touch and hear if you need a chat.
I can't remember how far along are you? I can't wait to get out of here and be happy about this, and for my scan I might be further along than we think showing already etc at 6 wks?
Nxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi, love the idea of the baby grow!!! :o

I am 29 weeks today but having an elective c-section at 38 weeks due to previous 2 so officially have 9 weeks left!!! (& counting)!! Man pregnancy is hard when your 37!!! lol Got a stinking cold & cough too which is tiring me out!!

I am very lucky to have a lovely supportive mum & step dad, sadly my sister lives abroad & I really miss her but I do have some fab friends too who have been so supportive!!

What makes me cross about the benefits thing is that people wrongly assume that we are raking it in & thats so not true, you are awarded the minimum that the government expects you to live on in your circumstances (which is'nt much at all) I too just like alot of working families have to budget down to the last penny, there are cases that are highlighted in the press about large families receiving lots of benefits & spending it on holidays, plasma tv's etc but they are not the majority!!!

I have in the past contemplated contacting the babies Dads parents (via letter or phone) & telling them but decided against it as I was'nt doing it for the right reasons, I would have been doing it to hurt him as he really really does'nt want them to know!! But friends also warned me that they could react like your ex-mil so I will not be telling them!! However I have said to him that I am not keeping his dirty secret & let my mum & dd think I picked up some random guy in a pub!! Birth cirtificate might say father unknown but I know who he is!!! (I don't need a Jeremy Kyle style DNA)!!! lol (Benefit scroungers fave tv show!!!!) Does sound to me like your ex is much more human than mine though & will be much more supportive once the baby comes if thats what you want!!
So lovely to hear you sounding more positive..chin up & take it a day at a time!! loadsa luv x Belle x

Hi ladies, I'm not single now and I'm not even pregnant but have a four year son whom I had with a guy who decided when I was three months pregnant that he just couldn't handle it and buggered off for the next two and a half years as I'd ruined his life apparently by 'imposing' this on him. tut. pathetic.

I was 25, lived in a flat in brixton with my best mate and a very lowly paid editorial assistant however I knew once I was pregnant that I wanted this baby and no man was making me abort him.

Can't say there weren't tough times usually at night but on the whole my female friends were far more supportive than some husbands I've seen!

Those babygros are so annoying - i hate stuff like that even now when my son's dad is back in his life - on my terms only and he doesnt call him dad and he's not on the birth certificate so he doesn;t have any parental responsibility - would recommend this course of action.
Yes I've felt some judgment - had to move back in with my parents for six months but hated it so much got myself back to london and back to work. Yes I'm pretty poor and yes I get tax credits and housing benefit but I work four days a week and am mum and dad to my gorgeous son who is an extremely happy little man so no-one can ever say I'm not pulling my weight and the Daily Mail can just sod right off.

Your real friends will never judge you - they might not understand how you feel completely either though unless in same position but as long as you know you are doing all right that's all that matters.

Anyway - was single for three years like that but have now got myself a steady reliable man who cares for my son as much as I do and I'm all the stronger for doing it by myself as will you be. So feel free to feel a wee bit smug now and again at your superhero-ness!

Hi TopC,

What a lovely and inspiring story well done you, we are all going to be Princesses of Power! Thank you for sharing that with us, nice to know of positive stories gives me some strength. I know bloody papers! Make us all sound rich how I wish, was sitting adding up the outgoing and the incoming doesnt quite add up, might advertise for a lodger lol no way going to love doing my own thing in my own house.
Your little boy is a lucky wee fellow to have a mummy like you xx Yes I noted your comments about birth certificate etc, have been looking into this.
Take care and hope new relationship works out well xxxxxxxxxxxx

Hey Belle,

Yuk how rotten having a cold hope you better soon. We are contacting each other through 2 posts lol have to decide which one we are sticking to, im getting a bit lost (fuddled brain).
I think you are so right why should you have to make yourself look bad or your baby to be a dirty secret thats wrong.

My ex I dont think is anymore human I dont want him to see the baby because he feels guilty thats not right. I am not going to think about them anymore they can all sort it out between themselves. Sick of the bloody lot of them.
Off for a bath and bed very tired tonight this moving house is a nightmare. Hope to hear from you soon hugs xxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Ladies,
I'm 25+3 and very much single. Made the mistake of getting pregnant for some who I can't even bare to have a conversation with right now but my little princess is due in March and I've never regretted her for a single second! I'm lucky in that I still live at home with my mum, work full time, and have a decent maternity package so I take each day as it comes. It's hard to be upset but my situation when I feel my baby girl moving around inside me!

I'm very happily single at 17+3 and definitely don't feel any regrets about not having settled down first. The feminist in me rails at the idea that I shouldn't have a baby unless I'm in a "proper" relationship and the only real gripe I have is that the midwife/various admin staff are surprised that I visit them on my own - grrr! I think that having a baby will be hard whether you're alone or not, so the best of luck to you and remember it doesn't matter what anyone thinks, just that you're happy. And who cares if you're on benefits - take all the help, financial or otherwise, you can get.