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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Sex when pregnant

17 replies

StyleManual · 05/12/2011 13:43

Is it just me? I am 30 weeks, and I don't want to do it and I can't remember how when we do try. I can't relax, I can't feel sexy. My DH gets distracted by my bump and asks what the baby is doing, which doesn't help set the mood. He just wants to protect me and the bump and I know he doesn't find me sexy (although he does say I look beautiful).

What's best, keep plugging away and trying to do it or just abandon sex for now?

Last night's effort ended up with me crying because it's not like it used to be. I feel sorry for DH because I say I want to and then he feels guilty because he's upset me. Argh. I just want to have one night of being footloose and fancy free. Get drunk and swing from the light shade performing all kinds of fantastical bedroom gymnastics. Getting a deadleg and trying to hide my bump is not sexy. I am so depressed by it, especially when I think about the lovely sex we used to have.

(SOrry if I have posted twice about this - was having computer trouble)

OP posts:

Crosshair · 05/12/2011 14:16

Maybe try something not as full on? It can still be fun and hopefully not as stressful.

Witchofthenorth · 05/12/2011 14:46

I haven't wanted sex for the past 6 weeks....I am 36 weeks now and to be honest, we just gave up :) we have a cuddle and stuff so we still feel close but sex is off limits. I am too sore TBH and my DH has this weird thought that if we do, my waters will break whilst doing the deed ( he is quite grossed out by that thought, I personally find it quite amusing :))

There are other things you can both do if you want to be intimate that doesn't involve manoeuvring around a bump...it's not forever remember, you will be back to doing bedroom gymnastics before you know it must not tell OP sleepless nights make you feel even less sexy :)

If it is becoming a chore rather than a pleasure then I would give up personally, being stressed about sex is the worst thing. Just have a kiss and a cuddle and enjoy the peace while it lasts. Is this your first OP?

nickelbabe · 05/12/2011 14:50

so don't do it.

the last time we tried, it was so very uncomfortable that I said "right, we're not doing that again until after the baby's born"
DH was fine with that.
(i think i was about 30 weeks too)

Original poster

StyleManual · 05/12/2011 15:17

Yes, it's our first. And I'm not sure how we're going to go about making any more babies based on last night's fumbling!

I think if we decided that sex was off the menu till after the baby arrives, I'm sure we'd both be much happier. I just worry that if we stop bothering then we'll never get back into it again. But I know that's ridiculous.

OP posts:

nickelbabe · 05/12/2011 15:17

Once you've had the baby you'll be okay again (well, it might take a few weeks!)

loveisagirlnameddaisy · 05/12/2011 17:55

My partner and I definitely have sex a lot less than we used to (one toddler and one on the way) but we talk openly about it, laugh about it and kiss and cuddle a lot. We are mature enough to know why things have changed and it doesn't mean we don't love each other anymore, fancy each other anymore or that we're going off each other.

Try talking to your husband and find out how he really feels.

tenderheart · 05/12/2011 21:18

Oh yes 30 weeks was the last I managed it properly! And it was a disaster! I got stuck on top and had to roll off

We fumble about and make sure there is a happy ending but I do kind of feel my body is not my own. And I really miss missionary, the closeness is the best! Not sure this is helpful in any way but I feel your pain!

nickelbabe · 05/12/2011 22:01

i didn't get stuck, but i thought i would. i ended up jsut sitting there not beign able to move

Crosshair · 05/12/2011 22:11

We did try at about 34 weeks, it was fumbletastic and I hurt my back.(dh had to put my pjs back on for me)

roseum · 05/12/2011 22:38

Try spooning - if necessary move your torsos apart so everything else is closer together and the angle better - iyswim!

broccolitrees · 06/12/2011 08:19

But there is some time in the second trimester when it's ok right? I am 7 weeks and off sex due to constant nausea and the need to lie very still in bed, so I don't throw up :( I'm even slightly wary of kissing with tongues at the minute. Poor dh, he is very supportive though. Hopefully, I will feel much better in a few weeks

buonasera · 06/12/2011 08:38

Eh broccoli I think it depends on the person - I'm 17w with twins and between constipation and the rapid growth I do literally feel like I've eaten a beach ball so I don't really feel like it.

I'm not pushing it tbh. Even when I was in my late teens and thought about nothing but sex I still wouldn't have done it when I felt ill.

Original poster

StyleManual · 06/12/2011 09:45

I feel loads better now. The pregnancy books would have me believe that everyone's at it all the way through pregnancy! I talked to DH and he's pretty laid back about it. Had a lovely cuddle last night and in a way I'm glad we had a rubbish effort the other night. It means if we do it again nobody has any big expectations! Just have to keep it fun and not get stressed. I noticed he's being much more tactile, so I think he's trying to give my self confidence a boost. I think the main problem is in my head. I don't feel myself anymore (not literally!), so I find it hard to relax. I just can't switch off from being a big pregnant lump. (I AM the elephant in the room) Well, me and DH have had a nice talk and he knows how insecure I'm feeling and I think he's making a big effort to make me feel good. So fingers crossed that we'll feel like having another bash soon.

Broccoli - yeah apparently 2nd trimester is when you can't get enough and it's a massive sex festival. That didn't happen for me, although I was more up for it in the first (no morning sickness). So who knows!

OP posts:

spannermary · 06/12/2011 13:17

But I know what you mean about missionary...spooning just isn't the same: could be anyone back there! I like to see my DH's face!

nickelbabe · 06/12/2011 13:24

broccoli
don't worry, I think there were a few times in the 2nd trimester that i was really horny, and girls on top is the position for such moments (get DH to close his eyes, cos you don't tend to feel very sexy when you're a lump whale!!)

PreggoEggo · 06/12/2011 14:04

i havent had sex since i fell pregnant...! I am now 34 weeks! Poor DH... with all my pregnancies i just literally go off sex. As soon as I have baby, things go back to normal and cant get enough, but while Im cooking a baby, just really dont feel up to it!!

kiki22 · 06/12/2011 17:19

You sound like your over thinking it and trying way to hard to have sex your taking all the fun out of it. Why don't you try a good snog teenage style on the couch see if it gets you in the mood and just try not to thin about the bump.

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