Guilty Feelings.

[TRUB12]

My sister and I are close, last xmas after taking fertility drugs my sister found out she was pregnant we were all so excited especially when we found out she has having twins.
However in March at 20 weeks she misscarried. I was there with her all the way and stayed with her to support her for some days after.
I already have 2 children and always wanted 3 and had always planned to try for another this year.
I am now 12 weeks pregnant and feel really guilty although I did speak to her about it all before trying and she said I had to carry on with my life. She is very upset about me being pregnant and although I still chat to my sister she says she dosen't know if she can handle seeing me at xmas. what should I do, should I feel guilty for carrying on with my lifes plan?

No please don't feel guilty, but at the same time maybe your sister needs to just have some space to get her head round this new situation.

She knows with her head that she can't expect you to put your life on hold, but her heart & emotions I suspect are still all over the shop.

All you can do is make sure she knows you still love her & want to include her in your happiness but that you understand her need for distance for a while.

You sound like a close pair, you will get through this.

Congratulations to you in the meantime!

Thank you so much for your kind words. We are close and that is what is making this so hard for each of us.

You shouldn't feel guilty but I think if you respect her wishes and give her some time, she'll come to terms with it. She probably just needs the freedom to deal with all her emotions about what happened to her and also what is now happening to you.
I'm sure that once the baby arrives, she'll be fine with it.
Congrats on your pregnancy x

TRUB12 - I'm close to my sis too, can't imagine the pain this is giving you both at a time when you should be enjoying your news, but I'm sure she'll be there for you & hopefully will soon have her own little one to play with the cousins!

Are your parents still around to mediate a little, do the 2 DH's get on?

As someone who has lost a baby in the second tri, and spoken to many women on here who have been through similar, let me just say that I suspect your sister will be feeling guilty - she will feel terrible that she feels unable to be around you, especially as you're close, but you just have to do what you have to do to get through such a difficult time in life.

You don't need to feel guilty, and nor should you - there's more than enough unwarranted guilt in the world (and us Mums generating most of it!)! You just need to be understanding (and, hey, it's ok to sad too - you would ordinarily want to share this special time with your sister, I'm sure, but your love for her means you can allow her this space, this time).

Well said Manda I'm so sorry to hear of your experience,

but, you're right we are bad about the guilt trip thing aren't we us women?!

Sorry to hear about your loss . Its so nice to hear from others I am sure you are right we will be ok again in time. To some extent I suppose we are lucky to live 2 hrs way as we only see each other if we meet up so makes this easier for my sis.
Thanks to all for your kind and positive words