BFP after longtime TTC - feeling low

[FrustratedMod]

I'd just like to find out whether I'm normal, really. I'm pregnant after a really long time TTC, and surprised by how I'm feeling - I thought there would be tears of joy etc but I just feel quite down, emotionally fragile, very worried something might go wrong and also worried about whether I can cope with a baby anyway. Is this normal?

It's probably shock. It's a really emotional ride. Please be nice to yourself. I think it's normal. And a huge congratulations

I would guess totally! Congratulations! I think anyone who doesn't feel just a bit overwhelmed by hormones and responsibility is a bit odd. I remember feeling a bit like you but now have two. Remember you are never alone in this. Mums net aside there will always be other mums to be or mums to support you. All the best and hope to hear news of new arrival in due course!

May now go and have a celebratory glass on your behalf!

I had this. We were ttc for 18 months (not forever but certainly long enough). I had an awful first trimester and (although it really pains me to admit it) sometimes wished that I weren't pregnant. I look back on it now and think that it was some kind of antenatal depression which lifted as soon as I entered the second trimester. But I remember that as a really grim and lonely time. I didn't admit it to DH at the time but did later. I wish I had told him at the time and would advise you to talk to someone about how you are feeling.

firstly congrats,

ttc for years, when I did eventually get pregnany I remember feeling terrified. I think when anyone finds out that are pg it's a massive thing, and it can be very scary and I wondered how I would cope etc, but mostly I worried about whether it would all be ok, and became very obsessed with things going wrong. So I think it all sounds normal. Hopefully after your scan you'll feel better

Yep, you're normal.

First of all, pregnancy, the first 12 weeks in particular, is nerve-wracking, hard work and uncomfortable regardless of how much you wanted it. You can't see your baby, you know what could potentially go wrong - it's terrifying.

Secondly, the idea of being a parent is overwhelming - it's very hard to understand what it'll be like and how it changes your life. It makes you very vulnerable.

I think you just need to focus on your booking appointment and your 12 week scan and get through that. After the risk of miscarriage has reduced, and morning sickness (if you get it) has subsided, you'll feel a bit more sorted to actually start thinking about the baby.

I conceived thankfully quickly, but spent a lot of the first trimester of my first pregnancy torn between hating it and knowing I wanted it so much. I'm now 6 months pregnant with my 3rd - so you do get there!

Congratulations!

ttc for 7 years.
SUddenly terrified we had made a big mistake when I finally fell pregnant.

Normal!

Be really nice to yourself.
And congratulations

I think it's always overwhelming no matter how long you've been trying.

Also seeing as now they don't even bother to test you when you go to the doctor's, they just take your word for it, it almost feels unreal until you see it on the first scan. I was so paranoid up until then that it was all in my head despite the numerous positive tests I'd done!

Congrats :) Totally normal imo! It took a few weeks for it to sink in for me.

Congratulations! Sounds perfectly normal to me :)

Sounds normal to me as well. I'm 15 weeks, history of recurrent mc but this time I knew should be OK because done via IVF/PGD (genetic selection). I found the first 12 weeks incredibly lonely, and also, each time I went for a scan I'd be terrified it had gone wrong and then afterwards I'd come out with my scan pictures and good news and feel a bit queasy, like... holy crap, I can't send them back now... the first 12 weeks is rubbish whatever way you look at it.

Is it normal? Yes. Does that help us better cope? No. I fell pregnant after two years of ttc. I found that I had invested a lot of my 'positivity' during the ttc period.. so much so that when I fell pregnant it felt like all I had left was anxiety. It does not help that the first trimester does really throw up quite a few changes which can turn us into nervous wrecks. I am currently in my second trimester and it certainly is better than the first. However I doubt it's going to be all roses going forward.. some pregnant women will continue with morning sickness and also have other issues to deal with...
What helps is active intervention - finding ways to help reduce your anxiety levels not because of the guilt of what it is doing for your baby - but because you deserve to give yourself the best chance to seeing through this pregnancy. For me, this is about taking 10 - 30 minutes in the morning for deep breathing and self-massage. I find that this slowing down routine is energizing and helps disperse the anxieties.

yes it does sound normal. those first few weeks can be full of worry and anxiety, i found it a little bit easier when i told my mum - and we're not even that close.

then after the 12 week scan i just tried my hardest to enjoy the experience and focus on only feeling positive and happy, i knew i had already wasted 12 weeks or so feeling worried.

i agree with others who have already posted, talk about your feelings and that might help!

good luck with everything, and remember you will be a great mum!!

Very normal :). Congratulations!

You have a lot to deal with in the first trimester, psychologically (the uncertainty until you see that first scan, the idea that there is now another person you are totally responsible for, anxiety about what is to come during pregnancy and birth, etc) and physically (the hormones, nausea, tiredness etc, etc, etc - the list goes on!).

I think it is hard after you have been working towards the goal of ttc, to find you have acheived your goal, but you don't have anything to show for it yet (no scans, bump, baby, no-one knowing about it, etc). And now there is not much you can do to move things along but wait. If being pro-active about something would help, maybe look at how you can look after yourself the best you can during pregnancy, in terms of safe exercise, relaxation, nutritious pg friendly foods etc.

I am now 13 weeks pg with DC3. I have 2 lovely DDs, then had a mc in June, which convinced me even more that I really did want another baby. I have just had the most anxious 12 weeks of my life. Sometimes I felt nearly paralysed by how scared I was that something would go wrong, literally I would just be sitting on the sofa unable to think about or do anything other than worry (normally I'm not like that!). And even then, I had the odd moment of "have I done the right thing, can we cope with 3?". I think it is normal to have conflicted feelings, no matter how much you want the baby, especially early on in pregnancy. I also found that as I saw the scans, and as there started to be movements I could feel, that I felt more comfortable and more connected to the baby. I found it helped early on to tell a couple of close friends I was pg, so I could talk about things with them, and felt I had some support.

I also agree you should talk about this, whether that is with DP, your midwife, RL friends, or just us on here. The chances are you will feel better soon, but if you are feeling low for a prolonged period, do bring it up with your mw, as it is possible to develop antental depression. Just from experience of myself and mum friends, I think it's likely you will feel better as the pg goes on though :).

Congratulations!

Sounds normal to me.

We were ttc for 8 years and when we finally succeeded I spent quite a lot of the first few weeks in a state of mild panic.

I think after so many disappointments it was some kind of self-protection - that I didn't get too excited in case something went wrong. I was totally paranoid that I would lose the baby or that it would be abnormal in some way.

I found that I felt a lot happier after I had the 12 week scan and I started to tell people. I could actually start to believe that I was really going to have a baby.

At 27 weeks now and loving it but I still have moments of paranoia

yes.

very.