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Original poster

when did you start a family?

54 replies

beckymcfc · 20/11/2011 17:23

Hi all

Just wanted to know at what age you started a family and what your thoughts are on being a young / older mum?

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MiauMau · 20/11/2011 22:21

I'm 34 and will have our first baby in February. Been together with DP for 7 years, but as he is younger than me I didn't want to rush him.
Last year around Easter we had the dreaded baby talk and he told me that he didn't feel ready, so I gave him a bit of a deadline that we would talk about it again in two years time and if he felt comfortable he could "give" me a baby for my 35th.
This year, somehow inspired by my sister who told us the she was pregnant in February, he told me that we should make a baby, that it would be a really cute and happy kid :)

justhayley · 20/11/2011 22:56

I'll be 28 when my 1st arrives, I feel slightly younger than would have been ideal but feel like iv lived enough in my early 20s to be ready to settle down. My partner will also be 28 and I know he feels like he may as well be a teenage dad but I'm sure he'l adjust when the baby arrives - well he doesn't have a choice lol

Pippaandpolly · 20/11/2011 23:02

Just 28-September just gone Grin DH and I have been together since we were 19/20 and married since 24/25. We were trying to conceive for about a year.

DuelingFanio · 20/11/2011 23:07

started trying at 37, finally gave birth after ivf at 40.

PelvicF1oorOfSteel · 20/11/2011 23:18

Had DS1 at 28, I think a couple of years earlier probably would have suited me (we were trying for a while) but not before that as I had a fair bit of partying I needed to get out of my system first!

chickydoo · 20/11/2011 23:24

DS 1 28
DD 30
DS2 32
DS3 37
DH is older than me he was;
DS 1 39
DD 41
DS2 43
DS3 48

razzdazz · 21/11/2011 10:17

Been together with my hubby since we were 15. DS1 when I was 22(married when 17 weeks preg) dd aged 24, various pregnancy losses, ds2 sadly born at 22 weeks when I was 32. Due ds3 in march when I will be 33. I was always desperate to be a young mum and have loved every second of it, we even fostered between dd and ds2. Now Im starting again over a decade later....not feeling so young Wink

blueeyedmonster · 21/11/2011 10:30

I had ds when I was 28. It would have been when I was about 24 but dp was not being convinced at all. I had been with him 8 years when ds came along. This time I will be 32.

TheDetective · 21/11/2011 10:37

I was 16. I haven't had another child. I am now 27. I will probably have my 2nd in the next 2 years.

Wouldn't change a thing :)

Lozza70 · 21/11/2011 10:40

Had DS when I was 37, had not met the man I wanted to have kids with when I was in my 20's(and was having too good a time as a single girl in London). Was with DH for 7 years before DS came along, lots of MC befoehand. Now preg with no. 2 and I will be 41!!

PurpleWithaBlueBun · 21/11/2011 10:49

DD, nearly 20
DS currently pg I will be nearly 23 when he turns up.

Lucky to be married to the man I adore and settled.
Dd was unplanned and I wish I had learnt to drive in my teens. Studying/career is much harder and still a work in progress. I am happy with my lot and as I am studying currently for qualification on breastfeeding I wouldn't have had that as an option if it wasn't for DD.

Hotpotpie · 21/11/2011 10:49

Ill be 33 when my LO arrives and Im feeling ancient at the hands of my midwife/doctor who keep calling me an old mum!!!

juuule · 21/11/2011 11:05

1st baby at 27y

Agree with icooksocks that age alone doesn't make you a good/bad parent.

fraktious · 21/11/2011 11:09

24

If we hadn't been where we are in the world it would've been too early. As it is there are many things I can't do so why not something I can! Considering DC2 and I should be 26, maybe 27 although I'm not sure where we're being posted next. We may delay for 3/4 years if we get somewhere tricky.

Original poster
beckymcfc · 21/11/2011 11:10

Thanks alot for that ladies, made me feel much better. I'm 22 due with my first in Feb (i'll be 23 in April). DP and all family and close friends are very supportive and we couldn't be happier. We are both in good jobs, have our home together etc and will have been together for 5 years. The pregnancy was unplanned but a very happy suprise. It's actually shocked me with the amount of funny looks and snide comments by others about being pregnant young. In my opinion it's great because I can put my work on hold for the time being and work part time once the baby is here, have another child in 3 or 4 years and they will both be at school by the time I am 30, when I can return to work full time if I want to do so at that time.

There really are a lot of narrowminded people out there and you ladies have cheered me right up :-D

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TeWihara · 21/11/2011 11:17

Don't take it to heart becky - I had DD at 21, DH and I were both working (although he had to go back to university to finish his degree when DD was still quite small) I had some really shitty comments from medical professionals which make me Angry to think back on now, but have found being a parent totally fine! And once DD was born and everyone could see I wasn't having any problems with coping the comments totally stopped and I was treated as any other parent 99% of the time.

More money would be nice Wink but there's no guarantee of that at an older age anyway. I'm having my 2nd now at 24 and it's a totally different experience in terms of attitude.

Ragwort · 21/11/2011 11:22

43 (a surprise - was happily child free Grin).

Pros - financially secure, was able to give up work - and haven't had to return 10 years later! Had achieved success in career; am confident in my parenting decisions, no angst about 'doing the right thing, no wish to go out 'clubbing' etc etc

Cons - tired, feel a bit of an old frump compared to younger mums, also completely out of date re: modern technology/music etc etc (but I would probably be the same even in my 20s !)

Broodzilla · 21/11/2011 11:44

I was 30, nearly 31, when I had DS. Will probably just have time to turn 33 before DD arrives. As others have said, it's such a personal decision (and for many, it isn't even a decision they can or do actively make) that there can't be any "rules of thumb". But for me, it's been the right time. Had been with DH for 8 years, married for 1. He's a few years older than me, and although he wouldn't have been ready to be a dad any sooner, I also don't think he'd want to be much older, so this was the time for us. Being a mother at 30, I'm quite average. I wouldn't have wanted to have children any sooner, but hard to say whether we'd have planned/hoped for a bigger gap if I was younger. :)

ChineapplePunk · 21/11/2011 12:52

We are due our first baby in April 2012. I am 41. Everything feels completely right. I wasn't ready for a child in my 20's or my 30's, but I am ridiculously excited (and a little terrified) at the prospect of having a child at this point in my life. Currently not feeling too old and decrepit, which is a bonus. :)

shinysideup · 21/11/2011 13:01

I was 19 when I had first DD1 (previous relationship). She's now 25. Planned and wouldn't change a thing but it was tough going.
Now I'm 45 and 23 weeks with DS2.
So, both ends of the scale, no idea which is easier, I'll let you know!
We had a few raised eyebrows with this one but generally people have been really positive. This is what we had wanted for a long time and we're really happy and excited. Of course DH is very pleased with himself cos he's just celebrated his 50th birthday!

Livened · 21/11/2011 13:09

Due with DS1 in 8 weeks time - I will have just turned 29

Missgiraffe1 · 21/11/2011 16:42

I was just 20 when I had my first (yes, she was a surprise, but the best one EVER!), so no stranger to the prejudice. Am now 16 weeks pregnant with my 2nd ... will be 36 when the one arrives. Have experienced remarks this time around such as "oooh, that must've been a shock??!! " Err, no, it was very much planned, thank you very much. Will be a 16 year gap between them, so - like Shiny - I will return in 10-15 years and tell you what I think!

Joking aside, in my opinion, age really doesn't matter. So, some 'older' parents might have higher earnings/paid off more of their mortgage/have more life experience/have more security blah blah blah when they're older, but only some. Not all. I really don't think that's what makes you a good parent. In my humble opinion, I have been a fabulous Mum to my DD (despite being so young, and being skint for several years after going back to Uni) and really can't see me being any different to this one.

Ignore any negativity, you are doing what is right for you, so enjoy! Smile

crazyhead · 21/11/2011 16:56

Am waiting for my overdue DC1, and just turned 35. Had my love life been right for me, I might have had kids a bit later (30ish?) but now is great for me.

Obviously the nice thing about having them younger is that if you do turn out to have fertility problems, you've got that much longer to get them sorted.

spannermary · 21/11/2011 17:03

My mum had DD1 at 22 and DD2 (Me!) at 23. She wouldn't change it for anything, apparently! (aah...)

MiauMau · 21/11/2011 20:49

spannermary my mum had me at 22 and said that I was an accident, so was my sister (31) and my brother (33), luckily she also calls us happy accidents.
My DS isn't an accident, he just came earlier than expected. He's literally a first try baby :o But, it feels right and I just wish that my mum had felt the same.

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