Friends guessing you're pregnant - weird or not?

[HollyFP]

Not sure if I'm being a bit over-reactionary to this but it has bugged me since yesterday.

My friend from our NCT group (we have 16 mo DC1s already) 'guessed' yesterday at toddler group that I was pregnant with DC2. She claims to have some kind of sixth sense about these things - apparently she guessed in September when she saw me in the local park with my DD and my parents. I have to be honest I'm a bit about how people can guess these things; I'm not really showing yet (am 15 weeks) and have only told one (mutual) friend besides my & DH's parents. (I rather assume this friend told her yesterday but that's almost beside the point). For various reasons we're waiting for the next MW appointment in a few weeks before telling everyone.

I just feel a bit uncomfortable with her randomly telling me 'so you're 14 weeks then?' and essentially forcing me to tell her about my pregnancy before I wanted to. As if it just becomes public information once you're pg.

Oh god no, I wouldn't be up for that either. Can you have a word to her? Maybe you could say you're keeping it quiet for now so DD can get used to the idea? I suppose that only stops her asking questions in front of other people. If it was me I'd tell her to eff off but it's that sort of undiplomatic attitude I'm trying to curb now that I'm up the duff and will presumably have to get on with the parents of the kids' friends...

I used to have a colleague who had three kids and he thought it was the coolest thing in the world to guess. And sure, he had a couple of successful guesses with colleagues of ours who were in their 30s, married, and stopped coming out to the pub - but it's really off, and I told him so. What if someone's off the drink because they're having trouble to conceive? What if you guess correctly about someone and then they miscarry?

I did say we weren't telling people until the next appointment and she said she wouldn't tell anyone...

It's more the fact that she just randomly came out with it so matter-of-factly. No attempt to pretend to guess or be surprised...just felt really odd

The same thing happened to me. But it was my boss (most senior boss). He "has an intuition" about these things apparently. And I was not ready to tell work yet (only 12 weeks).

These people are tactless. They are so smug at being right, they don't have the sense to realise that we might not want to share this personal information for a very good reason...

I would never say anything to the person in question but I don't think it's so weird to be able to guess. Some people just have more of an instinct for it. That in itself is no big deal.

I often guess but would never say anything. It's up to the mum to tell everyone.

I think some people do have that Sense. And I'm quite cynical about that sort of thing. One of my oldest friends gets dreams about pregnancy when anyone she knows is pregnant. She had them before I told her about being pregnant with DS1 and DS2 but didn't have one when I got pregnant with DC3, a pregnancy I then lost. As long as people are discreet about their sensing/guessing then there's nothing sinister about it IMO. :)

My cousin has known each time I've been pg and she lives nowhere near me. She has also known when SIL was pg. she's always waited for the announcement except this time she knew I was TTC and told me to test. :)

A friend of mine asked at about 10 weeks. SHe had noticed because I had stopped drinking coffee and was spending half my time in the loo. She's a good friend though, and approached it delicately. If it was an acquaintance or someone I knew less well, I probably would have just said I wasn't or suggested it wasn't actually any of their business.

My best friend knew before my DH and me! She knew we were TTC, and had come round for dinner and a spot of gardening one summer's evening. I was 7 weeks at that point and had had a negative test a couple of weeks before (still a bit grrr about that test - I was drinking far longer than I should have been).

Anyway, she picked up on the symptoms I was subconsciously displaying and told me I was pregnant and needed to test. I think it's just a case of her knowing me so well that she spotted all the changes straight off.

Tested the next morning and sure enough she was right!

She also knew we were having a boy - even though I knew it was a girl!

...Our little boy is due in April...

I agree with Hannah, people can be so smug about guessing, they dont think about the other person (nor do they share how often they guess wrong)

There are all sorts of clues to give away early pregnancy, its not some mystic gift, and these people should stop to ask why the oher person has chosen not to TELL them yet, durrr!

I say this as someone who had years ttc and miscarriages...please dont make announcement on my behalf, as I try to limit the number of people to whom I have to explain Ive lost another baby!

Spanner, I would hasten to add that its comletely different with best friends asking in private. My issue is with looser friendships and work colleagues asking or asking in front of others...

Winkyslink- I totally agree. I didn't mind the friend in question asking. however, there was someone else in the office who DH and I sometimes see socially. We waited til 20 weeks to tell her, because she has absolutely no control. And so despite telling my close friends and colleagues at 14 wks, and not having to worry at all about it going further, this woman continually makes a massive drama of it. It's not still a secret per se at 22 weeks, but makes me glad I didn't tell her earlier as I am still fairly certain she is going to announce it on my behalf.

Wow - 20 weeks! I'm 20 weeks tomorrow and, unless I wear big baggy t-shirts, I'd struggle to hide it well... :)

I wouldn't even say she's a close friend either, which makes it even more that she would be so blasé about something many people consider private information until told otherwise. Almost like she was wondering why I hadn't told her already

Ah well.

I think saying it to someone is outrageously rude, personally - people will disclose whether they're pregnant in their own good time, even to close friends, and often keep schtum for very good reasons. For various medical and other reasons, I told no one at all until 16 weeks, and several close friends had guessed (stopped drinking alcohol, stopped drinking coffee, throwing up), but none of them so much as hinted, which I appreciated. If they had said anything, I would have made it quite clear it was for me to disclose.

Outrageously rude IMO.

It's obvious that you might be pregnant, purely because you have a 16mo and lots of people do get pg when no. 1 is around this age. No sixth sense involved IMO! Anyway OK of her to think you're pg, really rude to ask/try to discuss it with you as you haven't announced it. I don't know how anyone has the cheek to behave like this.

What are people like ?? !! I think it's out of order. People should respect your privacy. If you wanted to tell anyone, you would ! On a slightly different note , we told my MIL (had to as I was so sick), who promised not to tell anyone, then in the same breath said "But I couldn't help it last time I had to tell x and x" - friends of hers - and now this time she told my bros in law without permission. This was about 3 weeks ago and I am still . You never know who you can trust !!

A colleague at work guessed I was pregnant and would not let it lie for ages until eventually I gave in and told her. It was obviously talk of the office about whether I was or wasn't so I ended up telling the rest of my team too. The colleague even guessed the birth date and scarily she was right...very weird. I was most annoying that I had to tell them at 8 weeks pregnant.

Glad it's not just me that thinks it's a bit rude then!
Tbh I'm less likely to talk to her about it when I finally do tell people after all this.

For a friend who is not close, they shouldn't directly ask, even if they guess. She should have waited until you were comfortable sharing. Quite a few friends/colleagues guessed and said nothing. I was eternally grateful because I would have fessed up, but wanted to pick my moment.

I'm not bad at guessing people are pregnant but I always keep it to myself and when the person does announce it I don't let on I have guessed before hand. Anything else is rude IMHO.

Totally unacceptable. Even if they are convinced, do they not have the self discipline to keep schtum?!

I could tolerate the smug "I knew it" if people waited until i told them?

I knew my boss (and friend) was pg a month before she told me i just knew i'm also pg so maybe just noticed the signs more as i'm only 8 weeks infront of her... nearly killed me not asking her but i kept it to myself and squeeled like a little girl when she finally told me!