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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Near ur due date did ur OH stop drinking (aibu)

22 replies

glitternanny · 19/11/2011 07:32

just wondering.

I asked oh to stop drinking when I hit 38w until bubba arrives. I'm not a big drinker I never have been but I have missed it for the past 10months.

Oh isn't an alcoholic or anything not by s long shot but does enjoy a drink and normally more than one a couple of times a week or so.

So last night (my due date) he told his mum to be on standby cos he was having a drink! Several jds & 4 bottles of beer later he came to bed at 1:30am. He wasn't paraletic but he was certainly rather tipsy.

It's not just him getting me to hospital that would bother me - it's him being any use (first baby)

AIBU to have asked him to stop for a few weeks...?

OP posts:

hairylights · 19/11/2011 07:35

Yanbu!! What a selfish, selfish man. You certainly don't want a drunk birth partner. :(

Secondtimelucky · 19/11/2011 07:42

I think it's perfectly reasonable to want your partner to be sufficiently sober to be supportive during labour, plus the issue of getting to hospital. DH certainly stopped drinking much close to my due date. I think it's reasonable to still have one or two, but that amount seems a bit selfish.

Have you explained it's not just about driving to hospital? How would he feel if the baby had arrived last night and he was too tipsy to be fully there for you.

DizzyKipper · 19/11/2011 07:45

Definitely being unreasonable, it is somewhat important that he's fully capable and "there" to be there for you and baby as and when you need him.

Original poster

glitternanny · 19/11/2011 08:17

Thanks. We did have this conversation last week, turned into a row :(

We obviously need to have it again :(

He's still in bed and will be for ages yet I'm guessing.

OP posts:

Crosshair · 19/11/2011 13:16

He sounds very selfish. I could understand one or two drinks but several jds plus beer is taking the piss.

Hope it goes smoothly for you.

feekerry · 19/11/2011 13:23

YANBU that sounds pretty off to me. i'dd be pretty pissed off with that and i'm quite laid back about these things!

PotteringAlong · 19/11/2011 13:24

Definitely not being unreasonable!

It's my due date today and my DH has not been in a position not to drive since 38 weeks and won't til the baby arrives.

Not on - a beer; fine. Drunk? Not fine at all.

naturalbaby · 19/11/2011 13:28

he told his mum to be on standby so he could get drunk?!? i'd tell him you've written him out the birthplan completely and find someone more reliable (as a threat to point out what his behaviour means to you)

if he at least slows down a bit or only has one or two drinks then you should be o.k. you won't need to dash off to hospital at the first twinge (hopefully) so he should have a few hours to sober up a bit.

Truffkin · 19/11/2011 13:33

Definitely not unreasonable of you, I can't believe he would do this! I was due yesterday and my husband got drunk last Saturday as we were out with family / friends and that was ok with me, but from now until the baby arrives he'll be staying sober!

We'll not be driving to the hospital so for me it's all about being able to be an effective birth partner, which drunk DH would definitely not be!

Hope you can get through to him why it's important that he's in control of his faculties at such an important time. Maybe tell him he won't be able hold the baby if he smells of alcohol or something practical that could resonate? Good luck.

pruney1977 · 19/11/2011 17:54

You're definitely not being unreasonable. My OH has had a middle ear infection for the last 8 weeks and was told not to drink on doctors orders. Now he can I'm 35 weeks and I've told him he can't have one now until after the baby is born. He's asked a couple of times if I mind if he does and I've said I do so he hasn't. Even the idea that he had a sip would quite frankly piss me off and I know that I am probably being unreasonable but I don't care. I don't want him to have been anywhere near alcohol when I'm in labour. Your OH should be glad he isn't married to me lol

Minus273 · 19/11/2011 18:06

YANBU, my DH doesn't drive anyway but I want him with it.. It was my BIL's 30th last night and I insisted DH had 2 beers through the whole night. His own decsion as he was worried something may happen.

chinateacup · 19/11/2011 18:18

YANBU I'd be mighty cheesed off if DH couldn't drive me to hospital.
That said, DS2 was 5 days late and the night he was born ( whilst i was contracting ) DH did ask "do you think he's coming tonight or not?" to see if he could have another glass...
Birth partners, eh

MrsDalliard · 19/11/2011 18:27

Yes, my OH has pretty much stopped drinking. In fact, he cut down on drink throughout my pregnancy, having only one or two beers or whiskies or sticking to alcohol-free beer. Since we approached the due date (41+1 now) he's been very conscious of the need to be fit to drive AND be fully supportive. What if a situation arose where consent had to be given for a procedure in hospital and you needed help in answering questions or making a decision? I hope you've managed to have another discussion about this without it turning into a row, and that you can come to an agreement that you're happy with. You've gone almost a year without drinking - he can surely manage a few weeks.

stripeyZ · 20/11/2011 08:37

I would definitely have the conversation again. Really it's not about him having a stand by but you having one!

My DH knows that if the baby comes early & he wasn't in a reasonable state I'll be calling my best friend to be there until he is. Not that he drinks much but it would drive me nuts if he was rabbiting on whilst I'm trying to get mentally prepared!

H007 · 20/11/2011 11:05

My OH hasn't drank since I was 37 weeks am now 40+1 just incase, he has had a beer on the odd occasion but that is all he is allowed... Best thing is that it isn't an issue.

If I was you I'd go to you most probably hung over OH and tell him something was happening just to teach him a lesson and see his face! Haha

MiauMau · 20/11/2011 11:24

My OH drinks very very rarely, but when I was about 12 weeks he went out with some friends and I went home as I was feeling a bit tired. He didn't arrive late or anything but, was a bit worse for wear. That night I ended up in A&E around 2am because I was bleeding, in the middle of all the stress and worry I actually felt a bit sorry for him as he kept on apologizing to me over and over for not feeling fit for that situation.
He just kept on staring at me almost in tears, with such a worried look. Since then he barely touches alcohol and never lets me come home by myself.

smk84 · 20/11/2011 16:56

YANBU at all ! You need him, and he has a big responsibility to help you through the birth. And afterwards !!

smk84 · 20/11/2011 16:57

and sorry, to answer the question, yes my DH did, can't remember when, but any more than 1 drink would have been too much IMO.

Rosa · 20/11/2011 16:59

YANBU at all... But also what about afterwards ?

SausageSmuggler · 20/11/2011 20:16

Definately not being unreasonable. DH was under orders not to drink when I got to about 37 weeks. I can't imagine any midwives letting a drunk person into the labour room which means that for the sake of a few drinks he's willing to miss the birth of your child. Definately needs another talking to.

galwaygal · 20/11/2011 23:25

YANBU

When I was pregnant with my second child, living in rural countryside, nextdoor to my parents-in-law, my dh had already been off drink just in case for a couple of weeks, but then at 38 weeks, decided that one more night out with his parents would be ok. I said yes on the previso that he kept checking his mobile for callls from me throughout the evening and to try not to be late.

Two hours later I start having contractions so call to get them to come home, only to find the mobile switched off!!!!!!! I stay calm, but as the contractions increase over the next hour with my year old son asleep in the house and no neighbours to call on, I start to get a little worried, I tried ringing the place they were going to for the evening, but no-one could locate them. By this time I am pacing nicely with the contractions. Finally they arrive home I am in the roadway flagging them and saying for FIL to go watch my son and form MIL to drive me to the hospital. DH had only had a few beers but was not able to drive to the hospital (nearly an hour drive away!) and took half the journey there to even half sober up.

I think that dh was bewildered that the labour should dare start on a night when he had gone out for a last drink before the baby arrives.

I think that your dh has not yet reached the point of realising that he has responsibilities yet, he needs to understand that alcohol needs to be reduced not only for the labour, but also for the few weeks after, when you will need some support. However I can understand how he might be seeing is as a last chance before the baby arrives (like my dh). So it is a difficult discussion to help your dh to realise that he needs to change now and not wait until the baby is arriving.

NoSeriously · 22/11/2011 04:08

YANBU- tell him the hospital and the nurses would be very unimpressed with him in that state and that if he is drunk when the big day happens that you will not be asking him to attend his child's birth.

I would mean it as well as he will be totally useless.

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