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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Judgmental friend. (Ranty)

36 replies

MrsPommelhorse · 14/11/2011 09:52

Apologies in advance, this is a self indulgent rant!

So, I'm probably dwelling on things too much, but I feel like my friend is so judgmental about me now I'm pregnant. Just to set the scene, she's not got any children and she's a really obsessed with running and her diet and is very slim. Pre pregnancy I was a size 10 and middle of the healthy BMI range.

I've had a pretty easy pregnancy so far (fingers crossed) and am now 27 weeks. I started off all keen about keeping up my exercise and kept going to the gym until 20 weeks. But due to pelvic pain I gave up with that and have started doing yoga (a bit) and swimming and gentle walks. I also haven't put on that much weight yet, about 12lbs so far, although I have a sizeable bump.

Whenever I talk to her though she makes comments about me putting on weight and how I shouldn't eat for two. And when we are out she is dismissive of me wanting to walk slower (pelvic pain) and needing to have a rest. She always talks about how when she has a baby she's going to carry on running "just like Paula Radcliffe did". The undertone of what she's saying is that you shouldn't put on weight when you're pregnant and should carry on as normal. (I mentioned that they expect you to put on weight, but she shrugged it off with a comment like "yeah that's right, you tell yourself that")

Oh, and when I say that I can't do certain things because I'm pregnant (like eating certain food, or I mentioned that you should try and sleep on your side and other general day to day things) she always comments that I'm overreacting and they're always coming up with these things and it never used to be like that in the olden times. (Bear in mind she has never had a baby so how would she even know?)

It's just getting on my tits as i think I'm doing fine and not being a pregzilla. And she makes it so obvious that she thinks I'm a big fat lazy pregnant woman who's using pregnancy as an excuse. And I do try not to talk about being pregnant unless she mentions it first or it's relevant!

How do I tackle it? Or do I just ignore it?

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Original poster
MrsPommelhorse · 14/11/2011 15:59

Oh and the other little snippet she came out with was that doctors in this country encourage you to put your feet up and stop exercising, whereas in other countries women are encouraged to keep active and go walking. (Her friend from somewhere or other was told by the doctor to walk 2 hours a day when she got pregnant, so there)
Not sure what she's basing her expertise on, because the doctors and midwives I have come across have been keen to stress that you should keep active and the dr's surgery is full of adverts for aquanatal and yoga classes etc.

I think this conversation came after I was trying to explain that you are supposed to put on weight when you're pregnant. But according to her this is only because the medical profession in this country encourages laziness. ARGH.

She really is clueless isn't she! But I can't set her straight as she thinks that the medical experts and books etc are deluded just like the rest of the country. I think she sees the world through Fat Booth lenses, where everyone else is fat and lazy and she is so healthy and fit.

Oh and she dared to say I had food issues because I once went on a diet! Whereas she has never been on a diet and it's an alien concept to her (because she's on a permanent fricking diet!)

And breathe. Thanks for all the responses by the way. I think she may have to go on the back burner as I get a bit worked up after I've seen her! Hopefully she'll calm down and we can still be friends when the baby's here. I won't hold my breath though.

OP posts:
Pishtushette · 14/11/2011 16:09

Ignore her. I used to get the roll of the eyes if I ever started a sentence with "since I've been pregnant..."

She probably just can't appreciate what it's like because she hasn't been there herself.

KatAndKit · 14/11/2011 16:23

How are you supposed to grow an entire baby and its placenta and fluid and boobs to feed it with if you don't gain any weight???
if you didn't gain at least a stone you'd end up thinner than you started off. Fine if you are a size 20. Not so good if you are a size 10.

Most pregnant women go to work and don't have time to walk for 2 hours a day. Why is 30 minutes 3 times a week not good enough when you are up the duff?

I would be getting very worked up with that sort of rubbish too!

PlinkertyPlonk · 14/11/2011 16:25

She's talking out of her bottom and doesn't sound like she's the type to listen. I'm guessing she's also a bit of a control freak.

Do you have someone else you can exercise with, or are there classes you can join? You really don't need someone with that kind of attitude over the coming months. I'd be saying to her "You're obviously too fast for me now and I'm only going to get heavier and slower over the coming months, so let's knock the running on the head".

PlinkertyPlonk · 14/11/2011 16:28

Aaaagh! Hit 'submit' too early!

It will either make her feel smug (but she'll quickly realise she's messed up and will be missing a running partner), or she may just knock the snide comments on the head. But either way, I wouldn't be shy about telling her how it makes you feel. It's her problem to deal with, don't let it be yours.

lightsandshapes · 14/11/2011 16:48

drop her like a hot potato. You don't need her in your life right now!!

Original poster
MrsPommelhorse · 14/11/2011 16:51

I don't run with her, thank god! She's far too good for me, even pre-pregnancy. It's just something that crops up a lot in conversation. God, I can't imagine her entertaining the thought of me training with her (big old mrs pommelhorse tagging along? Heaven forbid!)

OP posts:
kickingking · 14/11/2011 16:56

I agree with the OPs who have said she's jealous - had some odd comments from female friends during my first pregnancy about what I looked like, things I had stopped doing (they would have carried everything as normal, apparently) how I shouldn't be pregnant as I'm diabetic Hmm, etc. etc.

Five years later in turns out many of them were really wanting to get pregnant but the other halves wouldn't hear of it.

Yummymummyyobe1 · 14/11/2011 17:50

JenniferYellowHatsRedLingerie that is good to know. xxx

ITryToBeZenBut · 14/11/2011 18:34

I've calmed down my gym routine - my body just doesn't want it right now despite me always thinking I'd carry on. My body wants to lay down fat despite the fact that I walk for an hour and practice yoga every day as well as swim twice a week.

Your friend needs a reality check. Feel free to share with her that you're just so amazed at how your body is growing and nuturing another human being that the thought of a little extra weight hasn't even crossed your mind and that you'd happily put on 5 stone if your body wanted to as long as your baby grows healthily.

Should make her feel a bit petty Wink

SamWidgiz · 14/11/2011 20:33

I think many of us have a childless friend who seems to know more about pregnancy than we do...

She does sound jealous, and a bit toxic. As someone else said, one to avoid for a while.

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