pregnant and really stressed

[needsomeonetolisten]

I've had a really hard year. I was sterilised 2 years ago and it failed within a year, but I had a gorgeous little boy in January. The problem was, he was my 6th and 4 of the others are autistic. My husband and I have been through a really bad patch - he was having internet affairs and downloading porn obsessively. Because of my children's problems getting worse, I've had to give up my degree - I was in my last year and I was doing really well. Anyway, the children have to take priority, so that's not so bad. The problem is that a few weeks ago I was really low about my degree and ended up having unprotected sex with my husband and now I'm pregnant again. There is so much prejudice against large families.
We're financially stable and have a very large house but I feel so upset with my husband because I still feel really low and insecure. We are committed Christians and are happy to welcome another child but I am sad and I think he resents me saying so. (Actually I feel better for writing it down!). I'm also dreading my friends reactions who've seen me through this patch with my husband. I'm delighted about the baby but a bit embarrassed in some respects. I know I'm incredibly lucky in most areas of my life but I could just use some (kindly) direction. We've just had an almighty row and now I feel rotten. Please help if you can.

Wow! You have certainly been through a lot! I don't think anyone could blame you for feeling sad. If your friends are really friends they will see you through the pregnancy too. As for prejudice about big families that's their problem (and yes this comes from someone with only two kids!) All marriages go through tough times. Do you have any family or friends who could help out so you and hubby could have some time out for you both. In the meantime I am sending you a big hug and a God bless. (Next time make sure it's protected sex! 8 is a crowd!!)xx

Thanks Wolfie! Unfortunately we don't really have anyone to help apart from DH's mum who is shockingly hard work. Still, it might be worth asking her to sit for a few hours while the DCs are in bed. We barely see each other unless it's in passing, so maybe more positive input is needed. 8 is so definitely a crowd

Firstly, congratulations, you're going to be a mummy again!
You must have a very strong marriage to come through all of those challenges with your DC and husband so take some heart in that.
As wolfie says, if your friends are true friends, they'll support you whichever way life takes you.
I know you say you're a committed christian but screw what everyone else says, no-one has the right to judge you for your choices whether they're religious or not and if they do, then they're not worth bothering about.
As you have such a large family, do you get any assistance like home start? Perhaps that will help to ease the burden a bit.

Hi Pruney - thank you for replying. I am waiting for a Carer's Assessment to see what can be done to help. The days aren't really too bad, just my 3 yo and 10month old unless anyone's off school. Having said that, HomeStart might be an option if things get too bad. We really could use some respite. We do have a strong marriage I suppose but I feels so isolated and insecure sometimes. I wish we had more time (bit late now though!). Thanks again

If you go out you can leave her with the hard work! Love my kids but it's hard. (the same goes for husbands!) Mine don't have autism but have some (limited) experience as a teacher. Much respect to you for all you must do. Any help at home, through school or are you doing it all. (I thought the idea was to have it all but somehow I always end up doing it all!)