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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

DON'T TOUCH MY BUMP! (Rant....)

34 replies

aethelfleda · 13/11/2011 22:27

Sorry girls, I need a rant - I'm 33 weeks with DC3 and PEOPLE KEEP BLOODY FONDLING MY BUMP WITHOUT ASKING! Usually while saying something patronising like "aww, how's baby?" or "Aww, when's it due?"

It's driving me crazy. I usually recoil visibly and say something to the tune of "hey, no touching, I really don't like it", but even then there is one repeat offender at work who keeps making that little washing-windows motion over my tummy about two inches off it and thinks THAT's OK. I didn't have this much heckling with the DDs, apart from one freaky male OAP stranger in the shops (aged about 75!) who without warning patted my bump in the supermarket queue

I just don't get it - these people would never grope my belly normally, why is it suddenly a free-for-all? I find the sensation of being patted/stroked quite disturbing and wish they would all leave the hell alone! AAAARG.

.....

OP posts:

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dustbunniesmakegreatpets · 14/11/2011 08:06

YANBU. These people are all mad.

mumt1 · 14/11/2011 08:45

I'm exactly the same. With my first, everyone touched my bump n it really did drive me crazy!! Now I'm 17 weeks, with a bit of a bump its starting again n I hate it. When all my friends found out they all said oh I can't wait to touch ur bump and feel it kick. I just said no, I rly don't like ppl touching me. N guess wt? They still attempt to touch it n try n feel it. When I'm off guard!! Think one day soon someone may get a very big telling off...but ill just blame the hormones ;)

foolserrand · 14/11/2011 08:55

"Excuse me, are you aware you just touched my uterus?" Read that on here once (or something to that effect) and it made me smile. Unwelcome touching makes me nervous. Why not make them feel a bit uncomfortable?

samwellsbutt · 14/11/2011 09:02

people want to share in your joy, babys make people happy. they are touching you because they want to experience the miracle etc, bla bla bla. its never bothered me overly but then i have never had a stranger come up to me sooo,who knows if i would be a bit do you mind. but friends and family i dont really see the problem.

munstersmum · 14/11/2011 09:12

YANBU. It's an invasion of your space unless you have invited them to do so.
Try a very hard glare as soon as they start to raise a hand. Or if you actually like them 'please don't as bump is feeling a bit tender today'.

Florin · 14/11/2011 09:29

I am only 8 weeks with my first and already dreading this I really don't like people invading my personal space and touching bump is for my dh only. I have already asked dh to prewarn my mil about this as I couldn't handle her touching me. She wpuldn't normally so why is it suddenly ok when I'm pregnant

thousandDenier · 14/11/2011 09:34

Disclaimer: This is wildly unhelpful but I usually hate anyone touching me, even a pat on the arm sends me through the roof. But I've been really enjoying people touching my bump.

Be assured that according to MN law, it is Me who is weird, not you

CGall · 14/11/2011 09:53

When I was only about 12 weeks pregnant, with absolutely no bump at all, a friend patted my stomach, and even though she is a close friend, it made me flinch, I was thinking, you just patted my flabby belly!!!! You dont do that to people!
So at 20 weeks and not really overly showing I dont know how I am going to be about people touching my bump, I do think it is a bit weird that people suddeny start touching parts of your body they would never normally touch on purpose!

Lifeissweet · 14/11/2011 10:09

Some woman at work grabbed mine the other day (28 weeks) and said 'oh - yours is still all wobbly'

Thanks! Firstly, don't grab my belly without permissions and secondly, don't comment on the size, shape or firmness of my belly. It's RUDE!

I felt like patting her arse when she turned to walk away and saying 'while we're grabbing each other, yours is still wobbly too!'

annekins · 14/11/2011 11:14

I feel exactly the same about bump touching, I hate it when others do it. I feel it's sort of a private thing for me and DH to bond with baby (maybe that's just me being a bit weird). I don't count the squillion HCP's who have a reason for a good old prod but never a tender stroke!

I did a bit of an 'attack is better than defence' with many of people I know who I thought would be likely bump strokers, mainly the lovely ladies I work with, and said when I started to get a bump, that I don't like people touching my bump, and it seems to have worked a treat.

Any uninvited bump touching gets a very low growl!!

Yummymummyyobe1 · 14/11/2011 11:52

same here. I am pregnant with our first and have been showing since week 14 and at 16 weeks I am ready to kill.

I don't mind friends and familly but complete random people are another things it makes me feel like grabbing their privates in return . Why do people feel the need to touch my bump and when was my unborn child public property????

MissRee · 14/11/2011 12:01

I'm weird, I love it! Makes me feel speshul

AllIWant85 · 14/11/2011 12:08

I will not be held accountable for my actions if someone does this to me!!!

I have major contact issues so I guess I should prewarn people when I am at that stage.

The sarcastic side of me would make me do it back to people who I didn't really know. I'd touch their stomach, make "awww" and "how long now" remarks. That'd freak them out then!! :)

Original poster

aethelfleda · 14/11/2011 17:12

Thanks guys, it is just one of those things I suppose. I'd
better work on my responses a little. Or just leap backwards a bit quicker...
I did actually make a T-shirt last time where I painted "Keep off the Bump" in acrylics at bump height. It's long been passed on, and you can't wear the same t-shirt all the time though, so I think I'll jist grit my teeth for the next 6 weeks: and will NEVER be a bump groper myself!!

OP posts:

georgethecat · 14/11/2011 17:19

Is there a dragons den opportunity here? perhaps a jumper with mouse traps on or an electrically charged gillet?

I hate it too even from friends, its akin to someone fondling your arse, why do people think its ok?

mrsmarzipan · 15/11/2011 13:45

This happened to me last week at the supermarket for the first time ever (am pregnant with DC3 so thats saying something!) A dotty old lady suddenly placed both her hands on my stomach and claimed that she could feel it moving and its heart beat!!! (it was just before lunch so probably my stomach growling more like!!)
She had also just told me "she is beautiful, she is a girl isn't she?" about my son (he is clearly a boy but has white blond hair that has slight curls in it) and then asked if my husband was in the RAF as I had so many children!!!! I didn't know what to say to her and the woman behind me was pissing herself laughing!
I also HATE people commenting on the size of my bump. Its so RUDE and since when did they all become midwives and know how big it should be at 32 weeks!! grrr!!!

Crosshair · 15/11/2011 13:54

No one has touched me yet, currently 33 weeks apart from dp and mum/mil after I've offered, it all sounds very odd and not something I would be comfortable with.

pregnantmimi · 17/11/2011 17:13

I like it when people touch my bump gently and find it sweet and I like to touch peoples bumps too. What I dislike is people grabbing bump and wriggling it around saying "moveeee" which is what I have had off a friends mad friend the other week. Or people generally being forceful. I hate it in shops when people nearly bump into me I htink its a protective thing. While Im having a rant lol I hate people who comment on how much weight I put on who gives a s*! Im having a baby not modelling bikinis in a miss world contest!

YBR · 17/11/2011 19:32

I was prodded a couple of times when I was only just showing. Both times I gently removed the offending limb from my person and explained that I didn't think it acceptable to touch there without asking, and what would they think If I had walked up to them and started touching them up?

The second time, being a church person, I asked if she would perhaps spread an appropriate rumour that would make people aware to ask first (old ladies at church are both numerous and rather interested).

It seems to have worked so far (35 weeks now), so do try grabbing the arm and taking it off your bump while explaining how you feel.

June2009 · 17/11/2011 23:51

The girlfriend of a very good friend of mine is pregnant and when I saw her last I'm afraid I touched her bump, without asking her!!!. I really don't know what took me, I don't know her that well, only met her a handful of times, and even now I think about apologising about it from time to time.
I felt so happy for them when they told me and when I finally saw her bump it just happened. :S
When i was pregnant I really didn't want people to touch my bump either.

Rosemallow · 18/11/2011 00:00

I'm not pregnant at the moment but his thread title really made me smile. I remember vividly my horror when meeting a social worker in the psychiatric hospital I work in for the first time when about 33 weeks pregnant. We were going into a tribunal so it was quite formal and she introduced herself, shook my hand and then went for my bump! I recoiled and there was an awkward moment all round! Even the patients had a better sense of personal space than that lady!

buonasera · 18/11/2011 07:49

I'm (at 14 weeks with twins) still in the earlier, "fat or pregnant?" zone but even that is driving me nuts - when I'm talking to people whom I haven't told, I see their glance flick down to my stomach to try and work out if I am up the duff.

Any friends that try and touch the bump will be told to sod off. I can't see strangers doing it - I've got one of those faces that looks angry in repose. You just wouldn't risk it.

CatsRule · 18/11/2011 13:43

I have a woman at work who (hasn't touched me yet thankfully) but feels free to make several inappropriate comments about my body, sometimes daily. She points, stares, makes faces and generally can't keep her mouth shut! It's begining to make me feel uncomfortable in my own skin!!

Some people are just so ignorant that they don't know what they're doing is wrong!

Torila · 24/11/2011 11:35

Thankfully i'm yet to be bump groped - apart from dh and my mum, which i'm fine with. I'm only just showing (20 weeks), and will clobber anyone other than dh or my mum who try to touch me!

On the subject of inappropriateness though - when telling a neighbour the other day he turned to my husband after giving my swollen breasts an appreciative glance and said "make the most of titty time before they get too sore to play with"

I mean honestly WTF?!

Coldcuppacoffee · 24/11/2011 11:41

Touch their tummies in return.

Of course, in RL I wouldn't have the balls to di it. But it would make them think...

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