About to start Midwifery Studies... Will you help me? :)

[aurynne]

Hi all of you dear pregnant ladies :). After 12 years working as a molecular biologist, I am now going back to uni to retrain as a midwife. I have just been offered a place in next year's program and I am so thrilled! I can't wait to start this new stage in my life and have the chance to share the most fascinating journey in many women's lives.

I am not starting until January 2012 but now feel fidgety. I would really like to start learning straight away, so I thought I could come to the best place on the net and get some first-hand advice.

I know that a midwife can make a huge difference in a pregnancy and labour. I would like to get it right form the beginning. That is why I would like to ask all of you, in different stages of pregnancy (and some of you with DC already), to help me answer the question of what makes a good midwife.

What qualities would you ideal midwife have?
What negative experiences have you had with midwives? Any particular behaviour from your midwife that annoyed the hell out of you?
Have you had a fantastic midwife? If so, let me know what made her so.

Any opinion and experience will help me immensely. Thank you in advance

Hi, I'm only 23 weeks pg with DC1 so can't offer answers yet on the whole 'cycle' but I'll have a go!

What qualities would you ideal midwife have?

• Informative, and up to date with the latest thinking/debates about things - even if they still believe an 'older' approach to be best.
• Reassuring (I have found this with all of mine so far)
• Honest and listen to your concerns - I haven't had any bad experiences yet, but you'll see threads on here where midwives have made things up on notes, not believed women when they felt something was wrong/or ready to push etc!

What negative experiences have you had with midwives? Any particular behaviour from your midwife that annoyed the hell out of you?
None yet.

Have you had a fantastic midwife? I've seen about 5 diff midwives so far, all were good though!

Hi, congrats on your place. I retrained as a midwife six years ago and love being a midwife.

I think it's important to not be judgemental as a midwife. Sometimes women will make decisions you don't agree with but you need to support them in those decisions. You need to be her advocate at all times. You need to ensure she's making informed decisions, so you need to have given her all the relevant information.

My advice would be to buy yourself a copy of myles textbook for midwifery. Just dip in and out of it, getting to grips with some of the terminology and learning some stuff.

Well I've only met my MW once at my booking in (I'm 11+2) but I found that she wasn't very approachable. I didn't feel like I could ask her any questions, and she just read a few things out of a book to me then spent the rest of the hour in silence.

I'm not looking forward to my 16 week ppointment with her at all.

So I think that a good MW should be friendly and make each lady feel welcome. Obviously it must get a bit boring repeating the same things over and over, but for each individual woman it's an exciting time.

I'm sure that you are a nice person, or you wouldn't be asking for other people's opinions. So I would say be yourself, that always works for me xx

Good: Listen to the mother's concerns and take time to answer non judgementally.

All the community MW I have met are like this however I have had some bad experiences in hospital. I would say don't be openly judgemental ie don't make snide comments about a woman in labour not wearing rings, or her age, don't swear at the patients, don't shout at a sobbing new mum and tell her she is stupid because she has asked for help.

Also from family experience if a woman says she needs to push and can feel the head crowning at least look before you tell her not to be daft.

Hi! Congratulations on getting onto your training course!

1. For me, patience and understanding is so important. I'm 39 + 3 with my first baby and everything is so new and unknown. The midwife might have heard and dealt with what your going through hundreds of times, but for you it's all new! It's so important to feel listened to and not as though your being ushered in and out as quick as possible...even if you are!
2. At my 16 week app I really wanted some reassurance and to listen to baby's heartbeat. Had to practically force the midwife to do it, she said, quote, that her machine was 'crappy' and I'd get all upset and have to go to hospital if she couldn't find it. This just wasn't what I wanted to hear! She was very brusque and abrupt and just didn't make me feel comfortable at all.
3. Ive had apps with a couple of midwives who were great, actually chatted to me like I was a person, made the experience much more relaxed and enjoyable, felt cared for, listened to, even though they couldn't do much to help as I was just suffering with general pregnancy woes, insomnia mostly, they gave good advice and made me feel better just by listening.

Im sure if your researching this stuff already your gonna be a great midwife, good luck, hope some of this helps! X

Hi

What qualities would you ideal midwife have? Caring, good at listening and good at 'taking an interest' and chatting about general 'stuff'- especially when taking bloods as it takes your mind off it!, explains everything because it's all new and a bit scary! Looks happy to see you!

What negative experiences have you had with midwives? Any particular behaviour from your midwife that annoyed the hell out of you? My first community midwife basically ignored 'me', asked me how I was feeling about the pregnancy and before I could respond said 'delighted?'- which I am but what if I wasn't? How would I have been able to say that? She whizzed through the booking in appointment as quickly as possible and I felt like another chore for her to get done. Also referring to my partner- now husband- as 'baby's daddy' all the way through- a little thing I know but did my head in! I would have preferred 'partner' or just 'name'

Have you had a fantastic midwife? If so, let me know what made her so.
Second community midwife (they work as a team!) was lovely- made sympathetic noises when I said I'd had several UTI's, gave me hints to deal with them, chatted about my job, husband etc. Generally seemed interested in me as a person and gave me loads of information. I'm not looking forward to my appointment with midwife one- if she carries on being a tad rubbish I might ask to swap! Midwives in hospital when I've gone in with bleeding (still happening on and off at 16weeks) have all been lovely- some of the doctors could have done with some training on sensitivity but the midwives have been lovely.

I felt that whilst both community midwives knew their stuff and were professional the second one was interested in me, whilst the first wasn't- I'm not a high risk pregnancy, and I know they deal with a lot of women who need lots of intensive support, but that doesn't mean I can just 'get by' on my own if you see what I mean? I don't know anything about being pregnant and it can be really scary.

Good luck with your course!

My best midwife I had was the one I had with my first (am now preg with dc4).
What made her so good? I don't know really but despite my young age (I was a tender 18) she wasn't condescending which was lovely. She was friendly and informative without being patronising.
I think the best thing I could say is you will see mums to be of every age 16(maybe earlier)-50, unless they tell you otherwise then treat them like they've planned the baby and they are happy about the pregnancy. Remember every mum to be no matter how many children she does or doesnt have will want to know that a: their baby is happy and b:there are no apparent complications. Listening to the heartbeat may seem like such a routine thing for a midwife (especially in the later stages when its obvious that baby is moving well) but I still love to hear it, as do (I suspect) most other pregnant women.

Thank you so much for this, there is heaps of useful information in your experiences.

"I would say don't be openly judgemental ie don't make snide comments about a woman in labour not wearing rings, or her age, don't swear at the patients, don't shout at a sobbing new mum and tell her she is stupid because she has asked for help."

I feel appalled that this has to be said at all, and that ANY midwife could treat any pregnant woman (or any human being, FWIW) like that. One of the main reasons I wanted to retrain as a midwife is the special relationship you can develop with your clients, the trust they have in you. How in hell can any midwife be judgmental with her own clients?? I assumed the most important skill in a MW (apart from, obviously, help deliver a baby safely) was precisely to reassure the women and be there for them. I can't understand why anyone would become a MW if she couldn't offer at least this. It is actually making me angry just to think of it.

I have talked to some of my friends who have had children and they also mentioned some MWs having strong "beliefs" (about attachment parenting, breastfeeding, slings, epidural... you name it) and trying to push them onto their clients. One of the things I've made clear to myself is, whatever my own opinions are, a midwife is there to empower the woman, not to tell her what to do. As long as her behaviour is not endangering the baby or herself, I can only explain to her the different options, but never try to impose any of them.

One thing I wanted to ask you too: I don't have children myself. Although I know that may put some women off a MW, I believe it actually makes me less judgmental (I won't compare any woman's experience with my "perfect pregnancy" or try to set an example of how I cared for "my babies"), and I will really live the pregnancy process through my clients' experiences, and not through my own.

Would the fact that a MW does not have her own children affect you in any way? Please be truthful, and let me know of your reasons.

My midwife is a man, so clearly he has never given birth. He is still great though, he has a very nice friendly manner and is good at listening and being reassuring. I don't think that the fact that he does not have personal experience of being pregnant is a problem at all.

VivaLeBeaver, I have already ordered my copy of the Myles from Amazon! :). I don't want to have to compete with other students for the Uni library's copies.

I don't think having children is relevant to someone being a good MW or not. What is more important is there temperament and their ability to apply their knowledge. I know MW with children who are awful along the lines of 'well I didn't have any problems with that' and I know MW who don't have children who are great. I do also know MW with children who are great too, I just don't think it's am issue.

As a midwife I do find that women nearly always ask me if I've had children. I have so can say yes. I asked one of my childless colleagues recently if she's had any negative reactions when she has to say no to the question and she says she hasn't.

You're very right in thinking that it means you can't bring your own experiences with you which can be a good thing. I think the one thing I did bring with me from being in labour was the frustration and upset about not having things explained to me. But a recent medical hospital stay where I've had this again has made me realise that you don't have to have been in labour to have had this.

I had an emergency cesarean anyway so have no idea what it feels like to push a baby out. Likewise a midwife who had a vaginal birth will have had no personal experience of the fear and terror of being told you're going to theatre. However a midwife who has seen numerous women being told this will be able to have some degree of awareness of how they're feeling and be able to reassure them, etc. Some of the best midwives I've seen are childless.

It's the old thing about you wouldn't expect your oncology nurse to have had cancer themselves in order to be able to look after you.

Time, genine care, endless good humour, all the time needed to listen to and hear concerns, reassurance and understanding of how thin the skin and self esteem of a pregnancy and/or labouring woman are. and please god don't admit you don't know something!!! in midst of a home delivery and really panicking i was going to end up with baby stuck behind my cervix and thus heading for a hospital and medicalised birth, i turned to the student midwife helping my midwife and said, 'i'm going to end up in hospital aren't i, it's all going wrong isn't it' she looked completely stuck and muttered 'er, i don't know, what?' she probably didn't have a clue what i was going on about but coming over and trying to find out, or even just saying 'we're going to do everything we can to make this as straightforward as possible, and you and baby healthy and happy' would have been better...

sorry, genuine...

omaoma, thanks for the hint. I am very good at giving a hug and saying "everything will be alright". Actually one of the reasons I wanted to retrain is because, as a scientist, you lack human contact with the people who can benefit from your work. I am Spanish and love talking to people and showing affection, am not shy to give a hug to a person in distress, and I know that the best thing to do sometimes is just smile and let the person know you are there for them, whatever happens. I thought this part of my personality could be useful in a career which relies on your empathy and understanding, and by what I am reading it seems that is true.

I am definitely going to print this thread and keep it somewhere I can always go back and re-read it. It will be as useful as any theoretical knowledge.

Hey aurynne, good luck!

My ideal midwife is one who listens and takes things seriously. My current midwife gets extra brownie points for having checked up really carefully that my private nuchal fold scan and blood test was appropriate for twins, as I'm having twins - with too many midwives I've found they're more complacent than me and it's a tremendous relief to have someone who I think I can rely on to worry more than me!

I've had recurrent miscarriage (and my mother had too) so my pet hate is midwives who tell me to be positive, act as if everything is going to be fine in the absence of any information to prove it, or worst act as though I'm some sort of neurotic worrier for asking about the procedure (who to phone etc) if something goes wrong. I can see why you wouldn't want to scare someone in a normal first pregnancy but for me it's just annoying.

But really, if a midwife tries to be polite, and acts like they care about the outcome of the pregnancy, doesn't forget things and stuff, that'll do for me.

For me it would be one who actually does what is best for the mum and baby and not what is easiest for her/him.

Actually read the notes to know what the woman wants and listen to her wishes!

I had an EMCS with my first because midwife wanted me to lie flat on my back during labour (so she could leave me on monitor and leave room to attend to other women) and DD got into bad position as a result. This is despite midwife-led ante-natal class advice to the contrary!

I was not made to feel that my wishes were important at all plus being in first labour was dealing with all that entails, so went along with it. Now pregnant with #2 and will be much more vocal this time as more confident and know to listen to and trust my body.

Also giving reassurance that it will all be ok, had trainee midwife in attendance during first labour who told me if I didn't listen to her and have experimental drug I could bleed to death and nearly die like a woman she had the other day! Plus knowing how to work equipment and making sure it is working properly, I wasn't reassured when trainee midwife failed to set up monitor correctly and only found out half an hour later as no one was there to correct her. Nor when midwife failed to notice DD's heart-rate dropping with contractions (MIL did!)

Also non-judgemental important, midwife turned my chosen music off and made racist comment that it must have been my husbands choice as it was some weird foreign music (DH is black, but not foreign).

Explain why something is neccessary if it is, or why you are doing something, labour can feel out of control as it is without not knowing why you are being poked, prodded etc...

From my experience of first labour, it is painful, tiring, and scary all at the same time and to have someone who can reassure you, keep up your confidence, cheer you on is really important. I was lucky my MIL was there as she provided that support for me when midwife didn't, but not everyone has that support (DH was scared too, despite having been at several births before so couldn't reassure me, I am sure many first time fathers would be the same).

Post-labour care equally important, if a new mum asks for help she needs it, do not fob her off. Be it help with latching on, getting baby from crib (I was bed-ridden on catheter for first night so couldn't get out of bed), confidence with holding baby, be there to help.

It is easy to be snappy or short when stressed and over-worked, but for a new mum whose hormones are all over the place with a new life dependent on them they need sensitivity and a friendly face, all be it with a firm manner if needed.

Good luck with your training.

Congratulations on getting on the course, hope you enjoy it!

With my first pregnancy, I had 2 midwives that I saw depending on what day I could get to the appointments. They were both very different personalities, but equally good. One was very calm, quiet, reassuring and old. The other was really loud and made jokes about everything. She told me things to help bring on labour (which my other mw would have never done) like rubbing clarysage on my belly or eating pineapple. I felt more comfortable with this mw because I felt I could have a laugh with her, and for me, it's really important to be able to talk to someone without any barriers especially when it comes to talking about things like your lady bits and boobs!

This time my mw is brilliant. She's quite young, and is a mix of the two mw's I had with my first pregnancy. She's able to joke, but is equally reassuring and will sit and listen to my fears and will give me advice. She's even given me her mobile number incase I want to contact her if I'm worried about anything. I feel relaxed talking to her about embarrassing things, and she sits and listens without judging. I think a good midwife, isn't just a professional sitting doing their job. They really need to get involved and understand their patients.

My MW during labour with DD was an absolute star. She had read my birth plan, and even though nothing went to plan, she did things like putting emla cream on places I was going to be injected and was patient, calm supportive and reassuring during her whole shift. She made me try different forms of pain relief, such as a heated bean bag, TENS..and at one point even mentioned trying to get me a pool but I really didn't want to get into water. She was funny and talkative and made me feel at ease.

Oh and I must also mention that the mw I have now, has another mw from the hospital helping her at the moment to understand how community mw's do their job, and she is just TERRIBLE. She mumbles, flaffs around flitting across the room, as she is so forgetful. She POURED MY URINE DOWN THE SINK!! AND she tried to give me my anti-D jab before taking my bloods . She's also met me 2 times and has asked me every time how many children I have and what the gender of my baby is, which is really rude, as she should at least have the courtesy to remember me! She also (and this is silly) didn't leave a line between the previous appointment notes, and squashed up all she had to write in 2 lines with tiny messy writing. LIKE JUST USE HOWEVER MUCH SPACE YOU NEED AND MAKE IT LOOK NEAT AT LEAST!! What's the point of being thrifty with maternity notes paper?
Finally, she also left another woman's nuchal scan and blood test report in my notes, which was really bad and it pissed off my proper mw too!!

Where I live (Canada) we are given 2 midwives - a primary for usual visits and a secondary for if the primary cannot be there. I was also asked if I would mind a 3rd midwife-in-training who was scheduled to graduate just after I would give birth. As a result, I had appointments with 3 very different ladies.

The one who had been doing this forever was reassuring and very relaxed. The second was just as thorough and respectful as the other, but our personalities just didn't "click". With the student, I was very comfortable with her personality but her lack of experience made me a bit uncomfortable (you know how, confidence breeds confidence?).

With each of these 3 ladies that I had appointments with, they were all very kind, took their time - which I like, and communicated well with me. They explained things thoroughly (which was so welcome in comparison to the pre-natal visits and birth of my 1st child which was attended by a doctor, and where each visit was a lightning quick 10 minutes in and out). www.loving-attachment-parenting.com/mid-wife.html

Funny thing is, the midwife that I had felt least connected to throughout my pregnancy was most helpful to me for the actual birth. I was privileged to have all 3 ladies, and the one I mentioned was assigned to give me support and help me with my breathing. When I was "losing it", she was holding my hand and was right in my face with calm but firm instructions - I kept forgetting to breathe (maybe I was holding my breath because of the pain). Her commitment in this way really made a huge difference to my actual birth.

I will forever be most grateful to all 3 ladies for their kindness and knowledge, the dignity they afforded me and the choices they gave me.

Hi,

This is our first and so in answer to your questions:

What qualities would you ideal midwife have?

Friendly and knowledgable

What negative experiences have you had with midwives? Any particular behaviour from your midwife that annoyed the hell out of you?

None so far

Have you had a fantastic midwife? If so, let me know what made her so.

My Miwifery team are great and really take their time with my DP and I and answer all questions regardless of how daft they are. Also the fact that we were given their mobile numbers in case we neeed anything.

I don't think it matters that you have not had children yourself, so long as you don't say what a mw said to me with dd1:

me (conversationally at 34 wk appt) "so, do you have children?"
mw (without a trace of a smile) "no, this job has put me off having them"
me: