Should i mention this to the midwife at booking appt...

[vix1980]

I have my booking appt this coming thursday, having read the current thread on here about some midwives im already for a fight before ive even got there!

seriously though im now worrying if i should leave out certain things about my past, i had a serious case of depression due to the death of a close family member when i was 20, this lasted several years, i was given anti depressants but chose not to take them. i feel fine now, although i had a termination during this time, and im worried it will go against me somehow, how do i explain all that is behind me, and not used against me now iyswim??

also when they ask about the fathers history, i've been with him 11 years, his mum is a serious drinker and drunk through all 3 of her pregnancies, my dp was born with slight learning difficulties, his brother has slight cerebral palsy and has ongoing electronic shock treatment for the past 8 yrs (hes now 31), his sister was born with a speech defect and had to be taught privately to learn to speak. There is no other family member within themselves who were born with anything like this and it eally scares me that it was through the drinking they were born like this (im talking 2 bottles of cider and half bottle of whisky a night, even to this day).

do i mention this to the midwife, my dp drinks now and again but nowhere near that extent, i dont drink at all as i was brought up in a house with an alcoholic stepfather, totally turned me off drink, so i know from my side ill be fine in that respect but should i just not mention his sides medical history???

The midwife will not ask you about your partners history in such detail. More simple questions like his blood group and current occupation. She will have access to your personal medical files so she will be able to see that you have a history of depression and that you have had a termination but only if she looks.

She will ask you how much you drunk prior to getting pregnant but not how much your partner drinks or his mother. Sounds like his family problems stem from her drinking so will not effect your own pregnancy so no need to go into too much detail about all of that.

It's up to you how honest you want to be.

MW will only ask about immediate family meaning you, DP your parents and his parents. No good will come of you lying about their histories. As long as you aren't drinking heavily, which you aren;t, during your pregnancy, their alcohol consupmtion should not make a difference I would think. I was only asked about my consumption, not even DHs.

Be honest about your past, there may be something there thats relevent, they won;t hold it against you. I'm assuming its all in your GP records anyway, so they would be able to find out if they needed to.

Congratulations on your pregnancy though! :o

His medical history isn't hereditary, so I wouldn't mention it unless you want to - my DP's family have a serious hereditary condition but it is only inherited through the mother so wasn't relevant to us, so I didn't bring it up.

The depression thing is more difficult. It shouldn't be held against you, but it might mean you get extra support/an extra close eye kept on you. This depends on the individual midwife and how they interpret "support" as to whether this is a positive for you. I think I would consider how long ago your last bout of depression was, and whether you feel it is likely to be triggered again - and maybe meet the midwife and see how you feel about disclosing things to her.

We mostly hear the horror stories rather than the positive ones, but a friend of mine was assigned a specialist substance abuse midwife due to issues in her past (although she wasn't using drugs) and found her an amzing source of support and got consistent care throughout pregnancy, labour and post-birth.

Talking about a previous depression won't go against you at all. Yours was down to a specific event as well. They're more interested in people who have had depression for o specific reason rather than as a reaction to a specific event. This is because these people are more likely to get antenatal or postnatal depression and the midwife will keep her eye out for any signs that depression may be reoccurring so she can help and support. I would be truthful.

I'd be honest re: the depression- it's perfectly understandable to suffer with it after a bereavement, and nobody will hold that against you. I disclosed that I had suffered a period of depression following the break up of a long-term relationship about five years ago for which I took a low dose antidepressant for a few months- it's been put on my booking-in form, but the MW didn't ask anything further about it, and didn't seem worried about it. I'd be careful about hiding anything like that because they do have full access to your medical records, and might start poking if they realise that you've hidden something from them- just because they'd wonder why you hadn't mentioned it when asked.

Re: your partner's learning difficulties, that's equally nothing to be ashamed or worried about. You might want to mention his brother's CP if asked directly 'Does anyone in your close family suffer from CP' etc, but if anything they will just make a note of it, I don't see that the possible link with alcohol is relevant to your baby, so I don't think it's necessary to mention it. As other posters have said, I was asked how much I would typically drink pre-pregnancy, but DP (who was with me) wasn't asked at all.

They're not trying to catch you out, just attempting to get a balanced view of your health & situation so they can provide all the support you might need. Good luck. X

What do you mean by "go against me"? They aren't scoring you! Just trynig to anticipate and potential problems. Telling them about your DPs siblings difficulties wont make them happen to your baby! They really are there to help you and most are very nice. You don't need to be prepared for a fight.

Really, there is no need to go in expecting a fight and it will be much better in the long run if you are honest as the questions they ask you are asked for good reasons. I know there are a lots of horror stories on here but please don't regard what you read on the tinternet as representative.

My midwife is lovely!

I have depression and take medication for it... My mw was fine about it. Referred me for consultant care but that's all... No judging or opinion about it.

It's not that they care or not.. They just want to make sure you have enough support. As it may turn out you aren't getting fab support from your partner's family they may offer you some more when the little one arrives????

Katy