too much information?

[MiauMau]

So, DH has been very cooperative, loving, buying baby stuff (and enjoying it!) and enthusiastic. But I find that there is a thin line between what he enjoys to hear about i.e. certain things about the baby's development, like this week he love hearing about the fact that the eyes can now open; and the things that totally gross him out like DC drinking and peeing amniotic fluid (saying that the whole story about meconium just makes him giggle). And let's not even start talking about all the weirdness that is happening to my body, that just freaks him out.
On top of that, anything that goes wrong with other pregnant women that I tell him about brings on an immediate automatic reaction "there, there, just because it happened to them, you shouldn't worry". But, I do worry and I find that telling people about my fears really does help.
I guess that he never really dealt with pregnant women
Is anyone else going through this? Where is you DH/DP invisible cute VS gross line?

His idea of cute gurgling baby vs. reality. Anything of an abstract 'oh won't it be nice to have a baby' he's fine with. The rest, he doesn't want to know.

DH gets upset when YouTube vids of babies (watched to encourage labour) show them lying down instead of being held- earth dad! But he was HORRIFIED when the doll's nappy at NCT class had marmite in it, really shaken and appalled. That said, he's recently decided he wants to cut the cord, so wahey!

I think that things change for dads as they go along, as with mums. I think the childbirth classes (NCT or NHS) make a big difference.

My dh is pretty good with the realities of things (this is out fifth baby so not much shocks him anymore!) BUT he is terrified of c sections, he owuld want to be there but the thought fills him with dread you can see it in his face at the slightest mention.

localcrackpot DH refuses to cut the cord, he says "Leave it to the professionals"
I'm trying to take things one step at the time, at first before I was even pregnant, he would say that I would never set foot in a delivery room. Ever since we found out, he wants to be there but, won't look "down below". He asked me the other day "Isn't a screen that prevents you from looking at it?" and he refuses to look a birth videos.
Saying that, he's been in tears (of joy) at every scan and every time he feels a kick. I believe that he is going to be a really good hands on dad :)

Heh, my DH was just the same, but when he heard the MW talking about how dads often cut the cord I think he decided he didn't want to opt out of something that could be his bit, iyswim.
Actually, when we thought I might be induced on Thursday he said perhaps he should find an old jumper for himself in case of mess - I had to point out that he wouldn't be doing a George Herriot, up to his sleeves in gore! Haha.
I'm sure he'll be an excellent dad (that's your DH or mine!)

My DH has always wanted to cut the cord and I'm pleased to say, he's now said he'd like to help to receive our first DC. I wanted him to but didn't think he'd want to as I didn't think he'd want to be goal end but he's changed his mind.
He is, however, completely grossed out by perineal massage. I can't reach so he is having to do it. Has me in complete stitches watching his face, so much so I've had to start wearing an eye mask so I can't see his facial expressions. He hates doing it but he's still doing it, bless him. It's not the most comfortable experience but we both actually laugh a lot by how grossed out he is; I'm laughing at his face and he's laughing at me laughing lol. Last night I was actually wheezing when he'd finished because I'd been laughing so hard :)

pruney1977 wow! Perineal massage, now that's a whole new threshold! I think that DH would just collapse with that one :o

There shouldn't be a TMI threshold when it comes to your partner and what they see/know/hear about in my opinion. It's something that the woman primarily goes through but it's something that is also, rightly so, a shared experience. I think it's childish, immature and predictable for a bloke to act squeamish about certain stuff. If my DH behaved like that I'd be annoyed and probably a bit offended.

roz1982 I agree in an ideal world there shouldn't be TMI between partners but I find in reality, you can't help it if something grosses you out. Like me, I can't help that I can't stand cotton wool but I am overcoming it slowly. There's not much to do with the human body that grosses me out but that's probably because of my job (I'm a carer).
I'm glad my DH is coping with everything so well and is doing stuff for me that he would really rather prefer not to but I understand that it's sometimes challenging for him. If he was one of those men that would be put off by seeing the goal end during the birth, I'd rather he stay at the top end because you read about it really affecting people's relationships and that's not something I'd risk for the sake of a few minutes. People can't help how they are if something really affects them and provokes an adverse reaction in them.

MiauMau Actually my DH did collapse last night but that's because i was laughing so hard I let out a little fart and he was darting for cover. Hmmm, have I now just shared TMI with MN? lol

We did perineal massage for a bit but ahem one thing always led to another, which was fine until my 3rd trimester hormones gave us both thrush

I find it that there are bits he doesn't want to know about/see/hear.

However lovely he is generally, however hands on he will be, You don't get to opt out of any of it, so why should he? Regardless of whether he's grossed out or not, it's reality and there's a bloody good chance that he's going to see some mess involving blood and perhaps some poo. He should sodding well man up - what's he going to do if things go a bit pear shaped (it tends to get a bit messy even if everything goes to plan - birth is not a neat and tidy business)

FWIW, DH was a fervent 'head-end-only' participant before I gave birth, during the birth itself he was down at the business end, looking on in with my foot up on his chest, cheering me on. He did his best not to look petrified at the medieval style forceps delivery (consultant's foot on the bed job apparently). He sat right next to me in theatre afterwards when I did have a James Herriot style manual placenta removal and he did not bat an eyelid (even when I was throwing up into a bowl next to him at the same time)

roz1982 I have to agree with pruney1977 and DH is making an effort and slowly he is getting there. I guess that in a way I can understand his reaction as I work all day surrounded by men and most of them aren't really equipped deal with "lady problems", also it doesn't help that his mum as lovely as she is never really talked about this kind of things with him. But, although I had this little rant I cannot forget that at the same time this is the man who gets sad wen I don't call him to rub my back when it hurts, sits me down and takes care of everything even without me asking when he sees that I'm tired.
So, he squeamish but he will eventually learn and he's going to be a great dad :)

I think a lot of men just feel a bit out of their depths, and a bit embarrassed or unsure of themselves because pregnancy & birth is so much about the woman and her body. My DP really wants to be at the birth (though I think it'll be my head end!) and that's fantastic, but I remember reading years ago that men can be quite traumatised by the whole procedure of birth- not so much the blood & guts element, but because they can feel so helpless and can suffer a terrible guilt about the woman going through so much pain etc. I think it's good for them to have as much informative reading material as possible so they can quietly understand what to expect and what's going on. I hadn't heard of loads of things like perineal massage until a couple of months ago- I think it must be quite hard for men to gauge the line between things that need to be taken seriously and things that would normally make them giggle.

A friend of mine once said "We men are all about being in command and in control of the situation, this is one those moment where were neither." :D

My DH seems to be jaw-droppingly impressed at my Gift Wrapping abilities (both speed and accuracy) so I am hoping watching me give birth will render him speechless with awe for me.

Up to now, he's helped with back rubs and is very encouraging but it the following annoys me:

• he wont paint my toenails, even though I can't bend that way
• he keeps giggling at the thought of me pooing during delivery
• he doesn't help me get out of bed, even though I make 'heave' noises

To be honest, I totally understand why some partners don't want to see it all. And having given birth twice I've never seen any gore or blood myself and wouldn't want to so why should he?
My dh has seen more of the messy side of birth than me and I dont want him there to suffer with me but to support me.
If he wanted to cut the cord etc then fine but I wouldn't want to cut it so he shouldn't feel pressured to do so.

Haha my dh won't paint my toe nails either had to give in and go for a pedicure eventually! Sigh, what a chore!!

I really don't count being pregnant and giving birth as "lady problems" it's a euphemism that I just don't accept. Much too old fashioned IMO. I agree with flisspaps man up and get over it. We can't opt out of certain stuff, even if it makes you squeamish, at least pretend it doesn't!

Mine didn't want to watch videos and insisted he'd be at the 'head end' as well. He's quite a prudish and squeamish guy in the first place; he is too embarrassed to allow our toddler to see him in the shower, these days.

But in the event, he was utterly great, and was absolutely not able to keep his eyes off what was happening - I mean, could you? An hour or two of your partner pushing, all medical eyes glued to the Event end, encouragement and ooh I can see the head keep going, nobody on earth is going to be ignoring the action for that long and at that critical juncture.

Afterwards, while I was being stitched, the midwife showed him the placenta and explained how it worked, and he didn't go green or anything.

I guess that in the end you'll never know how DHs everywhere will react. I was very surprised when my sister told me that her boyfriend was with her for her emergency c-section, and this guy is even more squeamish that my DH.

My Dh is keen to hear all the details because he wants to learn as much as possible. He is squeamish and finds some of it icky, but he wants to be well informed and it's not all lovely bump and fresh smelling baby. He won't be at the business end during the birth though - I draw the line there and I really do think he would faint!

My DH buries his head in the sand. He never initiates a conversation about the baby, is stalling putting up the cot, has not taken part in baby buying except for the pram and baby monitor AND seemed unconcerned when I fell on my right knee, causing my left knee to hit me in the tummy only a matter of hours ago!!! (Both me and Peanut are fine!). He's even screwed his nose up at the very thought of going to our 'Birth preparation and parenting classes'. He won't watch ANY baby programmes. God help me during labour!!! Honestly, the way he behaves, you wouldn't believe that this baby was planned!!!

Mum2be79 I guess that this kind of situation just scares the crap out of some men, and they end up masking their fear with procrastination.
I must say that I was very impressed with my DH today, we had a doula visit us today and at her advice we booked a prenatal workshop at battersea yoga which I'm sure will be an eye opener no detail spared for him, he didn't even bat an eyelid and is happy to attend it. I do find it a bit sad that your DH doesn't initiate any conversation about the baby as I know how important they are, you just need that little bit of comfort that tells you that he's on the same wave length as you when it comes to the baby. Even something as silly as talking about if we're going to let DS believe in Father Christmas, makes me feel happy.