PIL visiting at 39 weeks!! (bit of an aibu?)

[tinky19]

So, as I've mentioned on other threads I'm having sweeps from 38 weeks due to problems delivering ds (back to back, induced, emcs etc) and will be having 3 sweeps between 38 and 39 weeks (if first isn't a success obviously)

Anyway, we live about 4 hrs from my and dh families, Having said they wouldn't bother coming down before dc2 was born (and told dh that we would need to come and see them instead - about 4 weeks ago) they now seem to have changed their minds.

I'm just soooo unimpressed. They wont actually be stopping at our house (we haven't got room) but they will be expecting us to entertain them and cook for them. (cook in the evenings as they'll be using a b&b)
The difficulty is, I've said my mum can come down at 38 weeks (to help transport me/ look after ds when I'm having sweeps) and she's been away abroad for a month so is desperate to see me and ds but I feel this has given dh the green light to say yes to his dps.

I just don't think I'll want anyone (other than dh and ds) near me at that stage (i'm having huge bhs/ back pain/ fatigue at the moment anyway).

Sounds like too many visitors : ) I would ask DH to talk to his parents and say much as you would love to see them it would be better if they came after the baby was born to see "it" and at that stage you would appreciate them taking baby for a walk in the pram (if you are comfortable with that) or playing with DS1 - depends on type of grandparent how hands on they are (we have one lot helpful and one lot that prefer to watch more often than not!).

I am currently 34 weeks with no. 4 and once the others are in bed at 7.30pm I like to collapse on the sofa not feel you have to make small talk or make people dinner.

YANBU

YABU (and hormonal!!)...although you don't say how long they are intending to stay?

You have not got a terminal illness - you are having a baby! Cooking in the evening is easy - get DH to lay table, put supermarket meal in the oven and boil some veg, then tidy away again. Then you retire and go to bed (and mn to have a good moan!)

Believe me, it is better to see them at 39 weeks them have them to stay when dc2 arrives.

PIL are the type of people who expect 3 course meal with appropriate wine!!!
I know I'm not ill but at 37 weeks now I feel drained and can only cope with doing so much before my back is in so much pain I can hardly move. They'll probably stay for a few days so not long but the last thing I'm going to want after having yet another sweep is to come home to entertain/ cook for them.

God I felt awful when I was pregnant. I actually wanted to die a few times rather than continue feeling so crap (had HG). Must admit ChocolateBiscuitCake I got a lot of 'oh, you're not ill, you're having a baby!' comments and I started replying rather sharply "Well, in that case why am I spending so much time in hospital attached to a drip?" Pregnancy varies - from the unutterably awful to feeling full of energy and everything in between. If the OP feels tired and in pain, then just because she's pregnant doesn't mean she is not genuinely tired and in pain.

tinky19 - is your DH on side with you, or has he actually invited them up thinking that because your DM is coming then it's fine?

Please don't get me wrong - I HATE pregnancy (currently 26 weeks with DC3) - have had pgp since 11 weeks (on crutches some of the time) and I utterly sympathise with NOT wanting IL's to stay. My IL's drive me bonkers and I have to endure them every week because they are so obsessed with DGC (60% of the time they stay the night). They don't encourage tidying up and leave the house in carnage. I really do get it and I wouldn't want them staying in my house at 39 weeks (couldn't face bumping into FIL during the night visits to the loo!)

However, tinky19 will only look childish by saying that IL's can't come for dinner, when they are not staying, because she doesn't want to cook especially when your mum is also allowed to stay (from your DH POV). I am also sure that your IL may usually have 3 course meals, but will understand why on this occasion that may not be the case. And as I said, get DH to do the cooking and clearing...or take them out to dinner so you can rest at home.

I just think that if you put your foot down on this occasion then it will be harder to fight other battles later.

Could you not compromise and get IL's to visit over a weekend. You can then rest/sleep whilst he entertains?

DH has agreed to it/ wants them down to see ds, because he's happy they are showing interest (the level of interest they show in ds varies greatly depending on what else/ if they have anything better to do)
They are not the sort of people you could flop on the sofa in front of. They would expect house to be imaculate etc. On the odd occassion they would drop in when we lived close to them, MIL often made comments if there were mugs left next to the sink/ windows not as clean as they could be etc.
My mum is coming because she hasn't seen ds in a month and misses him madly, also, she's my mum and wants to help/ wont be embarrassed by me having to go to mw for sweeps. (But she will also not be sleeping over but staying in B&B) and when I'm knackered I'll be able to tell her to go (without causing offence)
They could go out with ds and dh (which is what will happen if they are determined to come down) but I don't particularly want to be left on my own after sweeps/ waiting for labour. I'd like dh near by.
I just think their timing is crap!
They've had weeks to come down and visit, why choose the week before i'm due (btw, they know I'm going to be back and fwd to the mw all that week too)

Their timing is crap. Yanbu. Tell them to wait til after baby arrives

Then why isn't your husband doing all the cooking, wine-buying, sorting out? Why is it your job to cook for them?

FFS, if he wants them other fine, but I'd not lift a finger.

And for some people, pregnancy is an illness. I had hypertension and then pre-eclampsia. I was quite ill, in fact.

And the next time she makes comments about the state of your home, point her to the cleaning supplies cupboard and tell her to go for it.

If she wants an immaculate house with a 3 course meal smile and say "that would be great, I would really like that. When is it going to be ready?"
Then retire to the sofa with your feet up.

I hate that you're not ill... Pregnancy makes me ill. I get high blood pressure, i tore ligaments in my bump last time, developed pre eclampsia etc. This time i'm waiting for my gestational diabetes results. The baby isnt an illness but the accompanying symptoms are. If someone had food poisoning for three months you'd pity them not tell them to get over it.

Op you're not being unreasonable i'm only 27 weeks and i cant even face cooking tonights tea let alone host visitors.

Oh for heaven's sake...pregnancy is very personal to each mother, and if you're not looking to entertain at 39 weeks (and really - why the hell would you be?!) then you shouldn't be expected to!

PIL should bring a meal with them (cottage pie/casserole/etc), should be expected to muck in - after all they're family - and should be happy to have take away/simple meals at other time. Just like your mum sounds like she is totally prepared to do!

Turn preparing for the birth into a group effort. And let your DH know your concerns and get him to suggest ways he can help.

Don't take it all on yourself! You'll make yourself ill...Good luck!

You really need to talk to your DH and make it his problem. He needs to find a solution whereby you are not cooking and cleaning for guests, where you can lie down as much as you want/need to, and where he is nearby if you go into labour. He's the one who invited them, he can figure out how to handle the crap timing of it. When he's given this problem to solve, he might find that the easiest solution is for him to ask them to come on a different week... And that would be totally his decision, not yours.

thanks, i really don't think i am bu. I think they're being a bit selfish really, they knew there was no way dh would say no, he's a total pushover and desperate for them to bond with ds. Any normal person would think it through - visiting the week before amid mw apps and sweeps = not good timing.
I'm going to tell him they'll have to eat out if one course, quick and easy isn't f**ing good enough!

He is perfectly able to cook for them and clean for them himself. You are not at this time. This is his lookout. He can do all the stuff for them.