Please help stop me from killing someone!

[lightsandshapes]

Ok I have posted on this a while back, but am indulgently going to post again in a bid to let off steam before I do myself or someone else an injury disservice!

Basically, I am 42 weeks today. I am fine with this and am relaxing in the last stages of pregnancy. I have the patience to see this through and all my scans have come back great and the consultant is happy for me to go another week, with monitoring and watchful waiting. I have ideas of creatie things to do when people aren't disturbing me.

However, since 37 weeks people have started those stupid questions (is baby here yer - duh, I still have a bump you fool! You still here then?/ Any twinges? blah blah blah). Now it has reached fever pitch. Couldn'd finish end of East Enders last night due to SIL ringing for a 'where's this baby' chat - she even said 'this is getting boring now' . All hers have been premature. This was preceded by DH's friend ringing and saying 'ad yer sprog yeet' (he's scottish) his comment for like the 5 time this week. 8.30 this am I put the bins out and was confronted with 'all quiet on the western front' from one neighbour and 'you still here' from the other (which I actually ignored). t' the 100th time she hs said it (every morning). The first neighbour said 'I bet you'll go into labour this weekend when I am trying to get some work done'. Does he think he's going to be somehow involved? Since when did pregnancy become such a public event?? I can't even go to my local shop without a long conversation about it (small village!) I don't mind if people appear generally caring, but it's the flippant almost 'put down' ones that get me. I even had a though that all these comments might be preventing labour as they make me feel so tense - is this silly?

I am concerned if it is like this now, then when baby is born I will be overwhelmed with visitors I don't really like wanting to come into my house and hold my baby. It is my first DC. OK I don't sound like much of a people person right now, but I am even considering a hospital birth rather than a home one to get some privacy (likely after today anyway because of length). They are actually ruining things for me right now. I might be being over sensitive but please help me assert myself.

sorry for typos - old keyboard!!

I think you are being over-sensitive. I went to 42w myself and took the attitude that most people just wanted to be supportive through humour, even if you've heard it for the nth time and it is no longer funny, they themselves haven't. Reply in kind: "well you know, I'm going for the Guiness Book of Rcords for longest ever pregnancy"

As for visitors, I doubt it. Lots of people commented on my lack of sproglet but none visited and were content to admire baby in pram if we passed them in the street (btw, get use to the idea that older women may well try to give you some money for the baby because of the old tradition of giving silver to a newborn to bring good luck. It will usually only be a pound or so, but don't refuse, they are only trying to be kind and keep an old tradition going).

My response

" Ok I come clean, it's just an elaborate watermelon smuggling scam!"

IssyStark - love that old tradition, and wouldn't refuse at all.

I know I am being sensitive - it's just relentless and now I know why famous people like their privacy cos they get the same questions relentlesly.... ;)

Woodifer - that's the best I've heard yet!! Mind if I use it????

I can totally get why this is pissing you off!!! Because of course, you want your baby out, your trying to stay relaxed and positive and people keep saying things that are getting on your nerves!!! I'm 39+1 so haven't much of this yet, but if it happens to the extent it's happening to you, I think I'd just stay in, shut the curtains and turn the phone off!!!

I went over 42 weeks with both of mine, and it did all get a bit old. I just tried to smile, say something polite and move on (even though my teeth were gritted sometimes). I did have a shop assistant in our local small town asking when I was due, and when I said "2 weeks ago" she immediately told me to go home and sit down - I think she thought my waters might break on her floor...

I would just try to do whatever you find relaxing - and if that includes avoiding other people, then stay in and avoid them.

If you do get bothered by unwanted visitors when the baby arrives, just put a note on the door. My friend did this - it just said "no visitors please, mum and new baby resting", and it seemed to do the trick.

Good luck...

older women give you money?

ooooh, i hope they do that here!

lights - you have my every sympathy - I'm only 37+6 today, and I'm already getting fed up with the world and his wife asking me how long I've got left.

don't have any suggestions, though, other than making yourself a teeshirt that says "no, I haven't had it yet"

I don't think yr being over sensitive ds was born at 40+16 and I knew I'd get fed up with constant questions so I just told everyone in advance, don't ask cos you'll know when baby's here cos I'll tell you. That seemed to work. I guess with neighbours in a small village maybe that's harder to do though. Anyway I don't blame you getting annoyed- it's not as if you hadn't noticed yourself the absence of new baby yet so you don't need others pointing it out for you!!

Roz - that's exactly what I have done this afternoon after receiving 4 comments this am despite not leaving my house! Ah quiet!

Muslimah28 I like your upfrontness!!

Catsycat, like the idea of a note!!!

lightsandshapes I totally get you! People don't realise they all say the same thing and they can't understand how frustrating it is to hear exactly the same comments from totally unrelated people every single day!
I'm on the verge of biting someone if I hear "you sure there's only one in there?" again today! (Only 28 W but measuring big for dates as this is my 3rd). Last week I even started thinking that perhaps they have a point and went to seem my midwife in total panic that something was wrong. She sent me for a scan just because I was worried and everything was absolutely fine. Not to mention the comments on "Wouldn't it be nice if it was a girl" and all the variations of it as I have two beautiful DSs and people can't believe that I'm having a third baby because I want a baby and not necessarily a baby girl!
Honestly, I've come to the point of dreading the next sentence because I know either one of two idiotic comments is about to come and I can't tell them to just f* off.
Recently out of frustration I've said "If I had a pound for every time someone has said that to me"...which did shut them up.
Whenever there's something about a pregnancy which is slightly out of the ordinary people just need to say something. At least very soon it'll be all over for you (people tend to lose interest after you've popped!), I've got another 12 weeks of this

Beatrice75 I like 'if I had a pound......' gonna use that one.
And glad to hear they loose interest after baby's born perversly.
Just about to psyche myself for a visit to the shops..... Might even go to the chip shop or a shop further away to avoid the agro!

Sorry, meant to clarify that they do lose interest after the baby is born but only after you've given them all the stats: baby name, birth weight, hours on labour, etc..LOL

I would like to point out that you would get away with murder on the grounds of deminished responsibility what with hormones and everything

Oh lights I feel for you. Moments after reading your post (bouncing as happily as you can on your birth ball when due in 4 days) the bell went.

My bloody neighbour - 'have you had the baby - we've come for a peek as we saw your cards'. FFS, I'm clearly still pregnant, the cards are DH's birthday cards and if I had just had the baby why in the world would I want you to be first through the door? I barely know your name.

I literally do not care how mardy I sound anymore!

I don't get the 'so your still here comments'. I mean what do they expect?! A baby to pop out, you to swan off and let it fend for itself?!

Pastabee - I know - it's always the people that hardly bother with you in everyday life that suddenly get ery pushy about your progress, due date etc. The close ones know how to phrase things! I like that you'e accepted your mardyness. I think I'll do the same!

Melliebobs - me neither... course I'm still here. It's my house ffs!

Uggh its horrible i feel your pain, i'm 37 weeks have been 2 weeks over with my other 2. I have already stopped doing the school run where i can because that's where its the worst. I feel under huge pressure to produce a baby for all of these people I hardly know. I know that people are just excited but i wish they'd stop. I'm just waiting for the three times daily phone calls from my mother that are bound to start any day soon.

The 'oh, no baby yet' in a surprised tone is almost akin to 'you're obviously not trying hard enough' as if you can control it.

Having said that my sister did make me howl with a text today saying 'I'm getting impatient now, I think you should chance it and just try pushing'. At least it's a blunt approach!

A little bit of advice for next time.

Don't give out your real due date, don't tell anyone you are in labour or have had the baby. That way no unwanted visitors.

And you don't have to let people come round.

fab I'm so down with the not telling anyone you're in labour - that's the only one I'd worked out though....! DH said he would have bribed the sonographer to put me back 10 days or so at 12 weeks had he known how impatient I'd get!!

Pasta - that sooo does not count as mardy! that's justifiably annoyed.!
what a knob your neighbour is

The thing that confuses me most, is that people justify these comments bby "well, they're just trying to make conversation".
what complete and utter bollocks.
Before I was pregnant, I was nigh-on invisible in most of the circles I go in, and now, suddenly there's a baby on the way and people want to make conversation?

Was I not interesting enough before?!
no, i wasn't.
so why does being pregnant suddenly make me an interesting person?
or is someone going to come along and say that really, these nosy people have been trying to make conversation with me for 8 years and didn't know what to talk about?

I'm glad you also think so nickel! The positive is I now know he thinks you can knock uninvited the day someone comes out of hospital when you hardly know then. DH says we will treat it as a dress rehearsal and he'll know to say 'she's asleep / feeding the baby' until I'm it's a time when I'm happy to invite him in. Ie after our own parents have been!!

or open the door whilst breastfeeding.