Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

Original poster

has anyone found out the sex and not told anyone?

25 replies

threecurrantbuns · 10/11/2011 15:02

We know and the plan is to not tell its our first time finding out and we both agree can't beat ringing from the hospital to break the news.

But It's killings me trying to keep quiet I'm so excited. Tempted to tell a few close friends but if any spill it will be well know quickly in our area

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MissRee · 10/11/2011 15:04

We know but haven't told anyone wanted to be able to phone and do the proper announcement instead of just saying "she's here"!!!! Lol

YankNCock · 10/11/2011 15:09

Um....it's probably less exciting for people than you may imagine. I was just discussing this with a bunch of people and everyone agreed those who know (and tell everyone they know) but then won't tell are a bit annoying. It's not because people are so interested, more because it's just a bit childish in a 'I know something you don't know!' smug sort of way.

If you lie to everyone and say you've not found out, fair enough. But if you say, 'we're keeping it a surprise for you', it's just a bit silly.

A friend mentioned someone she knew who'd decorated the nursery but was desperately trying to keep everyone from seeing it because it would give away the sex. All her colleagues thought she was a bit bonkers.

Besides, it's not as if there are a lot of choices, it's going to be one or the other. Now if you were having a puppy, THAT would be a surprise!

Original poster

threecurrantbuns · 10/11/2011 15:14

I agree I couldn't say we know but aren't telling would just have to say we didn't find out and I'm sure it would be expected as we haven't with the first 3.

But I feel like I would be radiating liar from miles away.

But i do think finding out after the birth has been more exciting. for us telling our own and receiving the news from others

OP posts:

Pastabee · 10/11/2011 15:20

Totally agree with yank. Either find out but tell people you haven't or don't find out. I personally dislike the 'we know but we are not telling approach'.

MissRee · 10/11/2011 15:25

Oh yeah, we told everyone we didn't find out not just being smug about it lol!!!!

oltob · 10/11/2011 15:30

I found out with first, as in my control freakery mind thought it would help me be more prepared. My OH wanted a surprise so we agreed I wouldn't tell anyone. I'd always thought it was a boy (pseudo-science over ovulation dates and faster swimming sperm) so was v.surprised when told she was a girl (my OH had stepped out of the room) at the 20wk scan. It was tough not talking about it with anyone, especially as I almost felt like I was grieving for my little boy for a day or two, weird as she was always a girl and I wasn't bothered on which sex, but made easier as friends knew the reason I couldn't tell. Didn't stop them trying though but fortunately without copious amounts of alcohol involved I managed to keep quiet. My DH had always said she was a girl anyway so wasn't surprised at the birth.
For #2 he's said we can both find out but wants to keep quiet, with DD involved this time round I don't think that'll last for long. If it's not a 'baby sister' there'll be trouble.

Flisspaps · 10/11/2011 15:32

My auntie did with one of hers, but gave the game away by referring to baby as 'he' on one occasion.

kiki22 · 10/11/2011 15:33

I think it's a bit mean to not tell people especially grandparents and family it didn't ruin the surprise for you so why should it for them it's still an amazing surprise if it's now or at the birth. I know some people think it will be great to announce it at the birth but i think that the birth is exciting enough in it's self if you already know youll give your friends and family 2 lovely surprises not just 1 :)

kdiddy · 10/11/2011 15:46

We've found out & only told the grandparents - have just pretended to all of our friends that we don't know. I would have waited for a surprise, but DH really wanted to know so we found out. And actually I thought I'd feel like I'd opened my Christmas presents early, but finding out has been so brilliant I'm glad we did .

I'm not even really sure why we've pretended to everyone else we don't know - I think we're just enjoying keeping it as our secret for now, I certainly am anyway.

Only thing is, it feels weird referring to 'him' when we're talking then having to revert to 'it' or 'the baby' around other people!

Original poster

threecurrantbuns · 10/11/2011 15:48

Our parents don't agree. They are quite adverse to finding out more so mIl than my parents.

Think if we decide to tell we will keep the name a surprise.

OP posts:

Popbiscuit · 10/11/2011 15:49

My hairdresser's wife found out and didn't tell him because he didn't want to know. That is a level of self-control I just cannot understand. How could you not let it slip?

Wormshuffler · 10/11/2011 15:52

My DH know what I am having and I (nor anyone else) knows! 31 weeks so far and no slip-ups.

Original poster

threecurrantbuns · 10/11/2011 15:53

kdiddy I felt the same about it being like opening your presents early but just couldn't resist this time with dc3 the wait to find out towards the end killed me.

Suppose I'm worried it will all seem less exciting to everyone else if they know. In the part our close friends and relatives have found it very exciting guessing/finding out what we were having.

OP posts:

Yorky · 10/11/2011 16:24

Really impressed with those of you where one half of a couple knows and hasn't let it slip to the other!

We are so tempted to find out this time (DC4) but have never found out before, but I would like a girl but suspect we've got another boy. Is it worth finding out so there isn't a disappointment on the day (I don't think there actually would be, but I've never minded what colour I got before )

And you give me hope that we might be able to keep it to ourselves for the next 20weeks! (not convinced about DH though)

oltob · 10/11/2011 16:30

popbiscuit it can happen, it's not often I show self control but as DH really wanted the surprise I went with his wishes. DD was always he and if I ever slipped up I said I was double bluffing.

For me producing a baby from my nether regions was going to be surprise enough so knowing and preparing me was important.

I am rubbish with surprises though. Personally I won't have the energy with #2 so am hoping to convince DH that we can let peeps know when we find out in Dec or say we haven't found out at all - I don't know why I didn't think of that first time round - doh!

razzdazz · 10/11/2011 16:34

Hi, I have found out the sex of my baby and not told a sole, not even dh who knows that I know but I respect his choice of not wanting to. If people ask me if I know then I say yes as do not want to fib.....tough if it's 'childish', its my baby and my choice!!

Popbiscuit · 10/11/2011 16:41

I'm impressed too...that's amazing! I think I would blab or at the very least let a pronoun slip.

DH and I found out with all three but I'm a terrible Christmas present-snooper too so not really out of character.

Xmasbaby11 · 10/11/2011 16:49

I'm never quite sure why people do this. I don't think others will be that bothered to be honest, apart from maybe close family. But if it's more exciting for you that way, it's good!

Cutelittlecatlover · 10/11/2011 17:33

I'm having my 20 week scan next week and can't wait to find out what sex we're having! We will just be keeping it to ourselves though, I think its nice to keep some surprise for the extended family.

Kallisto · 10/11/2011 20:01

We know and haven't told anyone. Well, I've told someone at work, but she's promised not to tell anyone and she doesn't know any of my family or friends so I feel safe!

I am dreading, and I really mean dreading, MIL's reaction when she finds out. I don't think I could cope with the rest of the pregnancy with her knowing and going on and on and on and on and on about it. DH has promised that we won't tell anyone and I really hope he doesn't let it slip. It's going to be bad enough when the baby is born and I cannot look forwards to it at all.

It might be let out if DS picks up on something that DH or I say, but he doesn't really speak yet so we're still safe. That's beginning to change though!

I don't refer to the baby as "it". I just either say baby or make sure that I switch between he and she (preferably within the same sentence for better effect!). I suspect most people know we've found out as we did with DS (but didn't tell anyone).

edwinbear · 10/11/2011 20:49

We know and have told grandparents but nobody else. We did it my way first time around, ie not finding out and DH's way this time around. DH won't be at the birth so it was nice to find out together. People know that we know, but I simply say we don't want to tempt fate by referring to a he/she as we still have to get baby here safely, and that we're taking it with a bit of a pinch of salt as I know two people who have been told it was one flavour and then another popped out.

HardCheese · 10/11/2011 23:38

I'm always a bit baffled by people who have issues with people not telling them the sex. We found out at an 18-week scan, and are keeping it to ourselves because I find other people's gender stereotypes a bit tiresome en masse, and can't cope with months of 'You're carrying a little footballer' and family buying babygros with tractors/dinosaurs/'Little Monster' on them. It's a baby, for crying out loud, and is going to be a baby for quite some time with no notion whether it's a boy or a girl. And it's certainly not going to wear garments with tractors on them either way.

DianaXXX · 11/11/2011 00:06

I was told at 12 weeks and confirmed at 22 that it's a boy and iv told everyone lol

needinstructions · 11/11/2011 09:15

I'm tempted to have a secret private scan and not even tell DH the sex (he won't want to know). I didn't find out with my first two but between DH and I we have two very boisterous DSs and a very girly DD - I fear that DD and I would be a bit outnumbered if this one's another DS so kind of want to be prepared, just in case.

BikeRunSki · 11/11/2011 09:23

We knew both times. With DC1 (DS) we told immediate family, but they all live miles away and/or abroad, so there was no chance of them outing us to people we see everyday. With DD, we told DS (then 2.5), we knew he'd tell everyone, so we beat him to it.

Flip