Will 2006 be the year for number 4?

[Gillian76]

I know it's essentially my decision, but I am agonising over whether to have a 4th child.

DH is happy to have more, happy not to but would rather do it sooner than later. I am incredibly broody but there are other issues to consider. I'd really appreciate some opinions Mumsnetters

We have 2 DDs (almost 6 and 4) and a DS (2.5). DD2 is due to start school and DS nursery in August. So I'm thinking this might be a good time. We have a house and car big enough to cope with another and DH earns a good salary. We would struggle a little with the "extras" like holidays and Christmas, but day to day living would be OK. I only work part time and we could cope without the money for a while.

Cons are I am very overweight. I need to lose almost 4 stone. Also I'm worried about coping with the added "mayhem" another baby would bring. I am not the most organised, but manage to juggle all the balls most days! I also dread to think what pregnancy would be like running around after the 3 we already have...

I have other issues too. With DS I had desperately wanted a home birth but ended up going to hospital on doctors advice as he was quite big (10lbs). Birth was totally uncomplicated and I think I'd be more insistent next time round. I also stopped breastfeeding DS at 6 months due to horrendous thrush and I'd have liked to continue for much longer. I realise that having another might lay these regrets to rest but on the other hand I might end up disappointed again.

Thanks for sticking with this if you're still reading! Just looking for some impartial advice

my 4th is due in a few weeks. dd is 7 (will be almost 8), ds1 5 and a bit, ds2 2 and a bit. I think if you want to and you think you could cope etc then go for it. Why don't you spend 6 months losing as much of the 4 stone as you can, with the incentive of getting pregnant (and having a healthy sensible pregnancy, not piling all the weight on again!) afterwards.

I wouldn't have another just because you feel cheated out of a home birth and wanted to feed for longer though!

If I were you, in your situation, I would have the baby and worry about the weight later. I suspect that, psychologically, losing the weight could be really hard if you plan to get pg soon and thus undo all your good work, iyswim. Much easier when you think, well that's it - no more babies.
That doesn't mean you shouldn't make a concerted effort to get fitter, but really, in your case, I'd say go for it.
We are far too poor, too knackered and dh far too unwilling to go for no3 (dh's no4) so I quite envy you, four stones or not!

My 4th came quite a while after the others; first 3 were 11, 8 and nearly 5 when he arrived. His childhood has been different from theirs but we love having him

that's what I hope will happen for me Jan.

I don't suppose 3 or 4 years is really a big gap. Just that the others were so close together. I had DS when DD1 was just 3.

Just a thought... I wonder if being overweight would affect one's chances of a homebirth?

Believe me after 2 you may as well have as many as you like! But don't listen to some people - I am far from a council estate mum - I have a professional full time job. Mine are 11, 9 and 7 with no 4 due any day - I really wouldn't change my mayhem for anything - It's totally up to you but you sound pretty keen! I've put on tons of weight this time (unlike the others) but no-one has so much as weighed me during this pregnancy - (I couldn't have a homebirth for other reasons) maybe you could join weightwatchers or something while you are pregnant to avoid putting any more on? (i know they do do special diets for this very thing).

Ds2+3 were born at home and I don't remember the MW mentioning anything about weight.
However I wasn't overweight so I'm not sure if it would be an issue because she didn't have to mention it.

Gillian ... siblings are the greatest gift you can give your kids. At least, that's the pearl of wisdom someone imparted on me which convinced me to go for number four. I LOVE it. I find it easier than three and the older ones can do much more for themselves (and me) these days.

Definitely insist on the birth you want. It's number 4 after all and you know what you're doing.

As for the thrush, I had it too and it was absolute agony right inside the ducts. It took forever to get rid of but I had to persevere with bf-ing and with pain killers because my baby was tiny when I got it. That said there's no reason to believe you'll get it again, especially if you cut back on sugary and yeasty stuff and take pro-biotics just to make absolutely sure. (I certainly wouldn't want to go there again.)

With being overweight - this is probaby the most serious concern. I guess it depends how strenuous you'd find another pregnancy and what your previous pregnancies have been like. Would you be planning to or able to lose any weight before getting pregnant?

Tbh I have found the latter 2 pregnancies a strain physically. I put on weight with the first and it's just gone up and up since then.

It does worry me, starting from this weight and then gaining say another 2 stone. I'd find it so hard, and especially trying to keep up with the 3 I have.

Perhaps I should put the ttc plan on hold and concentrate on shifting the weight. At least if I could get back down to where I started before DD1 (if that makes sense).

How about a realistic goal. Shifting a stone or a stone and a half would make a big difference I would have thought. Don't set yourself too tough a target.

It sounds like you have everything else you need in place to go for number four.

Good luck with your decision.