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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Sex Drive - where is mine?

18 replies

CoffeeOne · 05/11/2011 20:40

I may regret not name changing for this. I'm 25 weeks pregnant and have been completely off sex since 1st trimester symptoms kicked in. Now I'm well into my second trimester and supposed to be all energetic and glowing and feeling sexy, however I'm not.

I have to admit me and DP have only had sex a handful of times this whole pregnancy . He's very patient bless him and not at all pushy but I know it's frustrating him.

It's a number of things. I don't feel sexy in the sense that I'm bloated, achey, tired and my skin has gone all teenage on me. Also I don't feel sexy, as in I'm never in the mood. When we have had sex I've found it uncomfortable.

Is it just me? The Books would have me believe it is. I also made the mistake of picking up a couple of pregnancy books for men, which are also telling my poor DP how horny I should be by now .

OP posts:

LadyMaybe · 05/11/2011 20:55

Ok - if you're feeling pressure from what the books say - get The Best Friend's Guide to Pregnancy out of the library, it has a whole section that acknowledges the truth which is that yes, some women do feel better in the 2nd trimester and want to have sex as much if not more than they did before, but there are a whole lot of women who feel just like you and for whatever reason just don't want to be touched. You feel the way you feel, please try to erase the words 'should' or 'supposed to' from your mental vocabulary, this goes for after the baby arrives too

babycarmen · 05/11/2011 21:13

Nope, not just you! I feel exactly the same. It just feels uncomfortable, cant help thinking about the baby which makes it weird and it KILLS my back (thanks, SPD) and i just dont feel sexy at all, im struggling with the change of body image, tiredness and aches and pains. I thought it was just me :)

Crosshair · 05/11/2011 21:32

Also feel the same. Im like a tired, achey, whale beast!

Original poster

CoffeeOne · 05/11/2011 21:40

Thanks guys. Glad it's not just me. I mostly feel guilty because DP and I went from daily SWI to this!

LadyMaybe you're absolutely right, I shouldn't worry about what the books tell me I should be feeling. I do wish I could feel sexy occasionally though!

babycarmen I should have posted this in the Feb thread! I also think about the baby and find it all a bit strange, expecially if he starts kicking.

OP posts:

blueeyedmonster · 05/11/2011 21:57

My sex drive up's and leaves when I am pregnant. Did lasst time nd has this time. I know poor dp gets frustrated and he does catch me off guard occasionally but that's all!

melliebobs · 05/11/2011 22:32

Hey coffee sucks don't it. I rememeber saying to DH during the nausea phase "i can't wait for the 2nd trimester. That's when the bonkers sex drive will kick in". But still waiting and I can count on one hand the amount of times we've had sex. It's frustrating but I just don't wanna be touched let alone owt else!

fraktious · 05/11/2011 22:36

Mine buggered off when I got pregnant and hasn't really come back (DS is 6mo). The most sex we've had was at 39/40 weeks when I was ready to try anything to get the bloody baby out and that was maybe 3 times? Some women just don't feel it!

BellaCB · 05/11/2011 23:05

I'm completely with you, hun - 30w now and have absolutely no interest whatsoever! The first four months I was throwing up every day which was fair enough, but once I started feeling better I hoped I'd get it back but... nada. The worst thing is I'm not even sure I miss the intimacy! DP is being very patient but it's not much fun for him at all. Luckily he does shift work so most of the time he's not even around for me to mak excuses

spannermary · 06/11/2011 01:55

Same here...I'm 18 weeks and been off it since august! Also I don't even like the cat sitting on my bump (too much pressure: not comfy) so a whole heap of man on it sort of terrifies me... Love hubby to bits though - he doesn't complain but I asked him if he missed it and he said 'more than you could ever believe'. Aww...

hermionejgranger · 06/11/2011 06:57

I get it in "waves" and if DH is not around when the mood takes me then I don't get it! Now that the baby is moving though I am far less commfortable with it and since I've been mostly sleeping in the naughty bed (first trimester because of noisy morning sickness, this trimester because of pillow forts and overheating) the midnight furtling is a bit more elusive! Don't worry about it :) you are definitely not alone!

Georgimama · 06/11/2011 07:00

DH did not have sex at all during either of my pregnancies - I didn't fancy it and he was worried about hurting the baby (I know, I know, you can't). Do not worry about it or compare yourself to the swinging from the chandelier brigade, who are not as common in RL as they would make out. None of my friends had sex more than a handful of times during pregnancy, and most of that was at the end to try and get things moving. A couple like me didn't have it at all.

Original poster

CoffeeOne · 06/11/2011 13:02

Thanks everyone! Nice to know there are lots of people around the same stage of pregnancy feeling the same, I'm not alone after all

OP posts:

pommedechocolat · 06/11/2011 14:00

I am normally very into sex but in both pregnancies from the moment I've missed my period to a good few months post birth my libido has dropped to zero.
Currently 23 weeks pg and find the thought of sex a bit annoying. Dh and I try to be intimate about once a week but even that seems a lot for me now!

hokeycakey · 06/11/2011 14:27

Hooray me too! I am 27 weeks This is my 3rd pregnancy and I am so not up for it, poor dh gets an unenthusiastic spooning once a week! I am usually quite into sex so it is hard but I just really don't feel like it. The last 2 times I have been absolutely rampant after giving birth so hopefully I will make it up to dh soon!

Hotpotpie · 06/11/2011 20:24

Nice to read this - I havent had sex since the one time after I got caught and I bled so poor OH is feeling very neglected, Im very lucky that he isnt the sort to kick up a fuss but I do feel bad that I cant even entertain the idea at the moment

DontWantToHaveSex · 07/11/2011 10:20

The clue is in my name! I am nearly 15 weeks.

nickinoonah · 08/11/2011 14:00

Haha! Everyone coming out of the 'closet' so too speak!! I'm the same this time around with my second, no interest at all but I know that OH is VERY frustrated, bless him as it was pretty rampant with the first, I think that's been the biggest shock to him!

I've not really read much about it in books to be honest, other than the usual, can't hurt the baby etc...but I thought that this offered up a refreshing perspective to the OH on our feelings..imagine how you would feel! www.direct2mum.co.uk/1069/sex-during-pregnancy

nickinoonah · 08/11/2011 14:01

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