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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Getting married before or after baby???

26 replies

babybunintheoven · 04/11/2011 17:31

I am 6w3d and found out I was pg a week after my fiancé proposed. Now I have a dilemma, do I get married before the baby is born (June/July) or after?

We need time to pull together the money and to organise things, but I am concerned that I will be so overwhelmed with baby that we will never get around to sorting it out. We could do something smaller and hence cheaper before.

Does anyone have any experience/advice they can impart here?

OP posts:

hippieshake · 04/11/2011 17:51

Firstly, congratulations on both! You must be so happy

I don't have experience, but I would say that you should do what makes you happy. Would you have had a small wedding if you weren't pregnant, or would you like a big event? If you both really want it to happen, it will. Regardless of the excitement of a newborn baby.

I got married in December last year. We just had 20 guests in a little country house, and it was perfect. It was just those closest to us who could all share our love. Instead of 150 people who you vaguely recognise as Mum's friend 'auntie' somebody.

Enjoy being pregnant and engaged!!! xx

Sandra2011 · 04/11/2011 17:57

I was 20+ weeks pregnant when I got married.

We had booked the venue (only about 10 people) ages before my pregnancy (had family coming from abroad etc taking ages to organise) and I was bit worried about it because I had a horrible 24/7 nausea for the first 12 weeks.

But we managed to get married and I was glad we did it before our son was born.

Of course there was some people who thought we only got married because of my pregnancy but I think they're only jealous and I really couldn't care less to be honest.

Minus273 · 04/11/2011 17:57

Congratulations. I got married at 18 weeks pregnant after falling pregnant just after booking our wedding. Go with whatever you and your dp feel comfortable with.

razzdazz · 04/11/2011 18:11

My original wedding was booked for the day we then discovered my ds was due on!! We decided that as we were already getting married before the pregnancy (not a shot gun wedding ) that we would bring it forward. I already had my dress, thank god we did it sooner because 11 years later I have never fitted it again!!! We organised our entire wedding in 7 weeks and I walked down the isle at 17 weeks pregnant. I will add that I still had exactly the same wedding as I had always planned, we were lucky that venues and so on changed dates for us. Do what makes you happy.

LuckyRocketshipUnderpants · 04/11/2011 18:49

Firstly, congratulations!

I got married to DH when my DD was 2 (he is not her dad). I can tell you that planning and organising a wedding while trying to look after a young child wasn't that easy. Do-ble, to be sure, but I was really constrained on how much time I had and it was quite frustrating to me. It wasn't a massive wedding- about 60 people in total and to get it all done, we cut a couple corners, which now bugs me in hindsight. Maybe if you have lots of support from family or friends willing to muck in, it might be easier?

Crosshair · 04/11/2011 19:04

Dp asked last month and we're getting married in two weeks! Il be 33 weeks.

Gingersnap88 · 04/11/2011 19:53

Congratulations!

DP and I were supposed to be getting married in June but dear baby is due in March and I wasnt keen on the idea so soon after baby, thinking about how tired/ stressed / wobbly I'd be!
So we are having a really small ceremony next month, the "legal" bit, when I'll be around 26 weeks pregnant! Then at another time (probably 2013) we'll do the wedding we had planned: outside humanist ceremony / BBQ etc :)

Do whatever feels right for you as a couple and don't feel pressured!

mumt1 · 04/11/2011 20:02

Congrats!! Well wtever u feel comfy with, my babies due end of april n I've just booked my church for 28th july :) x

meditrina · 04/11/2011 20:14

Congratulations!

What sort of wedding were you thinking of? Because unless you've always dreamed of something that simply can't be arranged in good time ahead of you due date, then I would suggest marrying before the birth.

Then it's done, it won't get postponed in postnatal haze (which is an unpredictable time with a lot of new stuff to get used to - including body shape). It sounded as if this was on your mind a bit in OP; so perhaps an earlier and simpler do?

But people have had lovely weddings all round all sorts of life events. There isn't a right answer - just the one that suits you.

paddyclamp · 04/11/2011 20:32

Nah i'd get married after the baby..there's no way i'd want to not be able to have a drink at my own wedding!!

AlexTasha · 04/11/2011 20:34

Congratulations! My fiance and I were supposed to be getting married next year, but now I am pregnant we have postponed the wedding, I don't want to be stressing about a new baby and a wedding, so will have it in April the following year. GOod luck!

eminencegrise · 04/11/2011 20:38

Before, but we didn't believe in big weddings as they are done in this country. We had a small civil service. We married before our eldest was conceived, however.

Bue · 04/11/2011 20:42

I'd either do it before OR book it for afterwards, so you know when it will be. My cousin had this dilemma and they decided to wait and booked it for 6 months after the birth. That way it didn't get forgotten or indefinitely postponed.

emblosion · 04/11/2011 21:25

Hiya, congratulations on your pregnancy and getting engaged, such fab news for you!
My fiance and I were planning to get married next April when i'll be 32 weeks if all goes well.

It was difficult to decide what to do, as we had paid deposits etc, but we have cancelled our original plans, but are going ahead with the wedding on a much smaller scale. We're planning to have a bigger celebration at some point in the future...... I found that being pregnant totally changed my feelings about how I wanted the wedding to be, but we were both feeling like the size/cost of the wedding was getting a bit out of control anyway and are happy to have a smaller 'do'....

I think just have a good chat bout all the options and go with what seems right for you guys?

All the best and congratulations again!
Em x

Original poster

babybunintheoven · 05/11/2011 09:03

Thanks for all the messages. Really useful to hear the experiences of others. I was nervous that people were going to tell me that it is impossible to focus on anything other than baby in the first 6 months.

We had both always fancied a winter wedding, with snow and glistening lights etc and have agreed to organising it for jan/feb 2013. The plan being to get the venue and food, colour scheme, order of the day etc sorted before baby comes, leaving me with the dresses and just the smaller details to ponder whilst on maternity leave.

My fear is that after baby is born I will loose sight of tasks that need done and end up making compromises I wouldn't normally make, but my bridesmaids have agreed to help out and muck in loads so extra hands should definitely help.

Thanks all!

OP posts:

KatherineCam · 05/11/2011 10:20

Congratulations!
I agree you should do what feels more comfortable for you and your fiance. I never understood the point of big expensive weddings elaborately organised two years ahead. In my experience it never reflects the longevity of the marriage. However it is often not only down to a couple, some have big families leaving abroad and it is just plain difficult to organise a wedding in a short time. I would probably have it before the baby is born just because it is some how more traditional course of events. All depends on your circumstances and financial situation. In Nepal couples have to have a first baby together before they get married to make sure they know why they get married:) Good luck with everything!

Tonksforthememories · 05/11/2011 10:30

Congratulations on both counts!

We got married when DD1 was 4mo, the date was booked just before i found out i was pregnant. The hotel we married in took care of most of the arrangements, and dd slept through almost the whole thing.
When we announced the pregnancy DH's Aunt asked if we'd be bringing the wedding forward. Not a chance! We moved house 2 weeks before my due date too (not reccomended!)

Do whatever feels right for you. :o

thegingerone · 05/11/2011 17:32

My experience. DP (now DH)proposed when I was 8 months preg and we chose to guess ds arrival date so that our wedding would be as close as poss to his first birthday. (Little monkey was two weeks late and we were opptimistic so got married when he was closer to 11 months.) Had a two day event. Day one wedding/day two family birthday lunch for immediate family (mine had travelled from abroad) I second the comments that it isn't the easiest to organise a wedding with a baby in tow. We did quite a bit a year in advance while waiting for lo to turn up, then nothing for months then things like wedding dress as soon as I felt I was back to a stable shape. The advantage of doing it after baby was that to be honest it prob made us a bit less reckless with the money side of things. (Not that DH could ever be accused of reckless ness money wise) When you've got a child I found you're a bit more level headed about "wedding" stuff. We still had a big wedding with all the aunties, etc and i think it prob was the best time for US.

We would have had a crap day if it wasn't for the fact that my lovely MIL took ds away and popped him back for photo ops etc. So I kinda got a child free day even though I had a child. This was quite important if you still want to do the bride things of mingling and not resenting your new hubbie cos he's getting drunk with his mates while you're "looking after" your dc.
Even if we'd been a bit more organised (or had being) planning to get married before we conceived Im not sure I'd have had the sort of wedding I wanted. That said I must (very unromantically) confess I also wouldn't be too bothered if we hadn't got married it all. I'm all about the kids and happy to have them outside of wedlock!! DH and his family are a bit more into it. Not that I don't adore being Mrs Ginger.

So bottom line is do what ever feels right for you. If you do it pre baby you'll need to be chilled about things like the dress (or have a fab dressmaker who can accomodate your changing shape) and how much energy you will have at any given time. If you do it after, be aware that the first few months of baby will whizz by and make sure you have someone who can help with lo on the day. I still spent loads of time with ds in a lovely way, but there where times when I needed to be just the bride and not his mum!!!

Congrats!

SparklyGothKat · 05/11/2011 17:47

I'm due in July and DP asked me to marry him in may. We know where we want to get married and we have a budget of 4k. We are planing it for July 2013 so we will have a year after the baby is born. I'm worried that I will be tired but I'm sure it will be fine. Congrats

justhayley · 07/11/2011 22:08

Do both lol have the legal bit before hand so you no it's done & won't be put off. Then have ur dream celebration when the babies here and u can drink and party hard

Xmasbaby11 · 07/11/2011 22:53

It depends if you are very particular about the wedding and want a big high maintenance do. You could organise the wedding for this xmas and get it out of the way, or you can do it the following one and put more effort into planning. If you do the latter, I'd still do as much planning as possible now.

Personally I would get married before the baby is born. You still have plenty of time - I organised mine in less than 6 months (years pre baby) and it wasn't at all a rush.

jillyfilly · 08/11/2011 20:57

Congrats :)

me and DP are sort of in the same boat (due 17th Dec) and we were going to wait and just married whenever.
Until someone mentioned in passing that we would have to re-register DCs birth. (even with both parents named legally you have to re-register if you subsequently get married
Here )
So as it is we are getting married very quietly with 2 best friends next week and going to have a big do when baby is about 8 mnths old.

I suppose it depends on if that boths you - I personally hate paper work.

mummymccar · 08/11/2011 21:19

Jillyfilly - Thanks for the mention about re-registering the birth. I've been lurking on this thread because I'm in a similar position too. I'd like to get married before but I think DP would like to hold off.
Congratulations on your wedding next week Jilly!

pommedechocolat · 09/11/2011 10:01

We chose to wait until dd was 14 months so had a huge engagement. It was right for us, I got to wear a 'normal' dress that I felt glam in (I'm very superficial ) and have some champagne and having dd there running around was great.

We then got to have dc2 as a honeymoon baby!

Reregistering was really easy but when the baby is born if you are not married then the baby will have your maiden name on the hospital tag. This annoyed me a little bit as the two names sounded ridiculous together and weren't her 'name' iyswim.

In retrospect I would have considered Jillyfilly's plan if I'd thought about it more.

Congratulations!!

Loveinglife · 11/11/2022 18:31

Hi there, just wanted to ask a question I hope it will help me make a decision. So I have just got engaged last month ,to the love of my life . I am 35 and will be 36 in 6 months time . My partner is 31 ,I have always wanted to do things traditionally however, I’m at the age I worry about having children. So my partner has said need to decide children first or wedding first . I understand that getting married to someone you love you don’t need a massive extravagant wedding , but I would like a nice one which would take at least a year to save up for . Also we live in different countries so he will be moving back to me in the next three months. What advice would you give as I have always wanted both children and marriage just never found anyone I would want to do that with with until now .

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