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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Anyone else just going with the flow?

21 replies

kiki22 · 02/11/2011 13:06

Is there anyone else out there who's talking a just go with it approach? I've been reading about all these tons of things woman are doing to get ready for birth and starting to think i'm not doing enough what should i be doing...

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NinjaChipmunk · 02/11/2011 13:08

What sort of things are these women doing that you are not? You may need to elaborate a little

Kitty5824 · 02/11/2011 13:41

I am!

I've not read anything about birth, not bought a hypno birthing CD, only booked my hospital tour/antenatal classes yesterday (I'm 33 weeks and they're not until December!!).

Have firmly told friends that I do NOT want to hear any of their horror stories.

Not sure if I'm being practical or just niaive, but it still feels like a long way off yet.....

mandoo · 02/11/2011 13:47

I think your doing the best thing. The midwife will have little time (or to be honest,interest) in looking at a 12 page birthing plan as 9 times out of 10 it will not go as you imagined or as your beautifully written plan suggests.

I didn't do any antenatal classes with my first and I'm not doing them this time. As for hypno birth, not my thing at all.

I did try a tenns for my first birth but it really didn't do a great deal other than give me a tingly back!

Good luck with it all.

brianmayshair · 02/11/2011 13:49

I did nothing with my first it all went tits up now with my 3rd i'm preparing for it like a marathon

Flisspaps · 02/11/2011 13:50

This time, very much so. With DD I was very 'aware' of being pregnant, this time I've got to 18 weeks and it's still barely registered.

I'm hoping that this time I will be so laid back the baby will just pop out at home bang on the EDD.

I never bothered with any breathing classes (I've been breathing for 29 years, I think I've got the hang of it), antenatal classes or parentcraft classes. I didn't bother going to see the maternity wards at the hospital until I got to 41 weeks (had planned a hb though, so seemed pointless in bothering until induction was booked) - I was enormous compared to all the other women on the tour, I'm sure some of them were pre-conception!

I remember a couple of years ago someone posted about some to-do with her DH or something and said that they'd been doing the 'usual emotional prep prior to baby coming' - I don't know why, but it just seemed like such a wanky phrase that it's stuck in my head. Emotional prep?

HarderToKidnap · 02/11/2011 13:52

Is this inspired by my thread ?

I'm not going with the flow, I'm doing lots of prep. But I'm enjoying it and enjoying communing with the bump, not doing it in a frantic "OMG I must do this to get the perfect birth" sort of way. Also, I tend to beat myself up a little about things I didn't do through laziness, as I am extremely lazy, and so if for instance I need an epidural, and I didn't do hypnobirthing, then I would be pissed off with myself for not doing the hypnobirthing! Whereas I am doing that, so I won't be annoyed with myself if I do need an epidual, IYSWIM.

I think it's just different strokes really. I have had a very busy pregnancy and not really spent much time on myself or the bump, so I'm enjoying doing that now. But if lots of prep would stress you out, better not to do it I think.

brianmayshair · 02/11/2011 13:54

Yes have to say my prep is really just about taking really good care of my self which i see as an investment and is mostly very relaxing. Not bothered about parent craft or parenting books or any of that stuff.

SausageSmuggler · 02/11/2011 14:04

I've been a lot more laid back this time around. Last time I was organised within an inch of my life but everyone said i'd be a lot more chilled out 2nd time and I definately am. To be fair though it wasn't THAT long ago that I did it all the first time so most stuff is still fresh in my mind.

fuckityfuckfuckfuck · 02/11/2011 14:17

I do think relaxing is a good thing, but I am a bit dubious about not reading about birth. Ime, educating yourself about birth is the single best preparation you can do, I read Ina May's Guide to Childbirth during my second pregnancy after a horrible first birth, and it really made all the difference in my attitude to approaching birth. There's nothing so scary as not knowing what's going on. If you feel empowered and in the know, you'll have the best birth you can. That sounds incredibly wanky and preachy, but I do stand by it. I lent out my copy to a friend but have bought another to start reading now, and will pass it on to dp when I'm finished so he can mock support me.

Jennyrosity · 02/11/2011 15:16

Ah, the "burying your head in the sand" approach, that's how I'm tackling it! I have tried to read up on labour and stuff, but just end up freaking myself out, so I stopped. And I've stopped talking to well-meaning mummies who want to tell me their war stories - one of them actually followed me round the room in her eagerness to tell me how awful it is, despite my making it quite clear I didn't want to know by sticking my fingers in my ears and going "la la la la"!

I am doing NCT classes but only because my DH booked them.

The way I see it, this baby has got to come out one way or another, whether I've done the research or not, and frankly I would rather not be terrified out of my mind in the run up!

Flisspaps · 02/11/2011 16:09

fuckity The one book I read thoroughly when pregnant first time was Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. I was empowered, in the know, knew what was going on and still had a shitty experience.

In a way it made it worse knowing the kind of birth that I could have had and desperately wanted but didn't get. Had I not read it then I'd have been none the wiser and may have been less upset by the whole experience.

Original poster

kiki22 · 02/11/2011 16:13

HarderToKidnap yeah you kinda scared the crap out me lol also from what others have said my boss is 21 weeks and has already started to 'prepare' which has freaked me out! Up until last week i had no idea what a perineal massage was, i was told to buy a birthing ball so i did but have no idea what to do with it apart from use it as a foot rest and as for hyponobirthing i dismissed it as hippy stuff without finding out what it was now i'm a bit like ummm help...

From the start i've been thinking i can deal with a newborn easily (lived with my niece) so i don't need to worry but i kinda forgot about the birth bit i know the medical parts but not how to prepare!!

OP posts:

haddock1976 · 02/11/2011 17:20

Going with flow here

The only thing I am reading up about/ asking questions about is labour. Not the pain bit as I already know it's going to hurt.... a lot but about the different processes, my options/choices etc. I know what I'm like in pain, I go onto myself and I'm not good at holding a conversation particularly if I've been given pethidine or similar so would like DH to deal with the midwives as far as possible as he is Mr Logical. He needs to know what my decisions might be.

Anything thing else I need to know I'll ask when I get to it otherwise there is a danger of information overload.

Hotpotpie · 02/11/2011 18:42

Also trying to go with the flow, I have OCD there is enough to stress about in my head as it is without adding anymore I am planning on a bit of hypno birthing but thats it, everything else ill pick up as and when it happens

Bumpsadaisie · 02/11/2011 18:57

I think this is the right approach. Having a baby is a big and wonderful thing - you can't really prepare, I don't think. Having no preconceptions and no fixed ideas is as good a place as any to be.

Is it your first? Don't be scared. You'll be fine. People try to manage their anxiety by doing lots of prep, but at the end of the day it happens the way it happens.

Original poster

kiki22 · 02/11/2011 19:07

Bumpsadaisie yes it's my first but due to my sisters personal circumstances when my niece was born i have plenty of hands on mummy experience done night feeds baths nappys so no worries on that front just reading about others doing all sorts to get ready starting to wonder if i should too have plenty of time yet.

OP posts:

brianmayshair · 02/11/2011 20:09

I do think there is a lot you can do to prepare your body for labour though making sure your fit, that you eat well and take regular exercise throughout pregnancy after all it is probably the most physical thing you can do with your body and trying to keep in good shape is important for both labour and recovery.

This pregnancy has been the most stressful because of external things but the easiest by far physically I put that down to the fact that I was physically at my best when I got pregnant, I have made time for yoga and aquanatal and swimming and used the hypnobirthing for stress relief. I wish I had done all of this first time around instead of reading Gina Ford .

blueeyedmonster · 02/11/2011 20:46

I just went with the flow last time. I had an idea in my head of how I wanted it to go but also was realistic that it could go tits up. My nan told me the best thing was to go with it all so thats what I did!

I intend to do the same this time pretty much. the only things that I will stipulate are I want to be mobile and have the g&a taken away for pushing as it makes me lazy. That's my idea of prep.............it's all done ha ha

edwinbear · 02/11/2011 21:14

Other than sleeping and hypno birthing CD i have done nothing - I am 37 weeks today, I have not even decided whether I am going to have a hospital or home birth yet. I am going to decide on the day

BellaCB · 04/11/2011 17:05

Doing very little too! I mean, I'm going to my appointments and I'm trying to get lots of sleep and eat OK but other than that... Well, to be honest I have so much else going on at the moment relating to having to move out of our flat, buying a house, currently living in friends spare rooms (at 30w!), and finally moving to a whole new area at about 33w with all the entertainment of not knowing the midwives, local hospital, not being 'part of the system' etc - with all that, I'm just focusing on not being manically stressed and I think that's enough!

Like other posters I'm just trying to be sensible, read about all the options, not have too many preconceived ideas, and am prepared for the birth/newborn to be anything from 'easy' to 'emcs'. I haven't even paid for my NCT class yet... hmm, should go and do that, really...

However, most other mums-to-be I know are insanely prepared and keep asking me about my birth plan and perineal massage and pelvic floor exercise and doula's and night nanny's (it probably doesn't help that most are considerably richer than me!) and they are just terrifying me!

ShockinHolyTempers · 04/11/2011 18:22

I'm going with the flow-ish. But I'm also in quite a lot of denial.

I saw that thread with people talking about perenial massage and all that and it made me feel a bit sick and panicky. I'm no good with squeamish things so I know I won't be doing that. God knows how I'll make it through the birth if I ever get that far!

I'm just eating chips and hoping for the best at the moment.

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