Need reassurance - dating scan on Tuesday

[mildertduck]

I need help - I can't get it out of my head that we're going to go along to the scan on Tuesday and they're going to find that the baby has died earlier in the pregnancy. I've not had any problems so far (other than having to be put on cyclizine and generally feeling all knackered all the time, and losing half a stone and having no bump to speak of) and I can't shake this feeling that the other shoe is about to drop.

This is my first baby and my first pregnancy. It's probably also extremely relevant that I was on 20mg Citalopram daily for anxiety until my GP hoiked me off it. I'm too scared to go back and tell her I need to be back on it...

Please... I just need a hug and someone telling me it's going to be ok. I'm holed up in a report-writing room at work trying to get a hold of myself. And to stop scaring myself with Google.

Why are you worried? you've no history of MC your knackered which is one o the big signs of early pg with your first pg you might not even get a bump til 4/5 months loads of people don't.

Your worrying about nothing!! Your babys prob in there going gawd mummy calm down i'm fine! relax your fine. Unless you have a reason to think somethings wrong don't x

It's hard to rationalise hanging around on here where stories of doom seem to get concentrated at times (people don't tend to have the same need to share stories where things have progressed utterly mundanely) but missed miscarriages are bloody rare (and evil) things. Reading pregnancy forums you could think everyone had them from how often the stories crop up but people don't tend to post as much "had scan, it was normal, all fine, couldn't figure out which bit was meant to be which."

You're getting symptoms if you're knackered - that's the biggest one.

I've been in the situation of going for a scan and not only finding out it had died, but that it had been twins (talk about a double-whammy) - but what I realise now is that I just "knew" all along it wasn't going to be right... instincts are a powerful thing - I couldn't ever imagine the birth or the baby right from the start and there was lots of talk about "if"s and not "whens"... I'm pregnant now and despite being scanned weekly I still have the irrational terror there'll be no heartbeat one week - but in contrast to last time, I can imagine going into labour and giving birth and things like that - which I'm holding as the strongest indicator that it'll all turn out OK - despite having bog all symptoms other than boobs that look like they've escaped from page 3, being tired (but I always am anyway) and miniscule bits of nausea!

It's totally normal to feel this way. I was nearly throwing up in the waiting room before my dating scan and a midwife said something sympathetic about morning sickness - it wasn't, it was terror that something would be wrong. Thankfully my DC was fine and is now a healthy happy toddler, but I am a few weeks along with DC2 and starting to experience the same anxieties as last time.

Try not to dwell on your worries, DON'T google anything and maybe step away from sites like MN for a few weeks. If you have concerns call your midwife, and please have a chat with your GP about coping off the Citalopram.

I think you will feel much better once your scan is over and you KNOW there is a baby in there. The chances are overwhelmingly in favour of a successful pregnancy and worrying won't change the outcome either way. All the best xx

I have my scan next week, despite having had an early scan (for my own reassurance and to work out dates, no suspected problems) it still feels like it could be taken away from me. I think you should speak to your GP though, speaking as someone who has experienced anxiety problems it seems that your normal feelings might be being amplified by the anxiety and stopping the citalopram and it is affecting your everyday life? If this is the case the GP needs to support you, otherwise things won't necessarily get better after the scan. Good luck to you and very unmumsnetty hugs x