Newly Pregnant, no job no money and freaking out!

[salempickles]

I found out i am 5 weeks pregnant recently, last week i was made redundant a case of last in first out so i dont get any redundancy pay at all, I dont have any savings left as myself and my parter recently bought a house and have been renovating it so all our money has gone into that.

Im seriously freaking out about what im going to do, were not in any real debt, just the usual mortgage, car and bills, and were lucky to have lovely families who i know will want to help out, its the 1st grandchild for both families.

Its just i feel such a failure, im 31, since leaving a full time job to return to uni which i thought would help me progress more it just hasnt worked out like that at all, i graduated in 2008 and since then have only been offered temping jobs here and there.Nobody will want to take on a pg woman in the job market now when so many other people are available for work. I just really dont know what to do, cant stop crying at how my life is turning out, its just sooo not the way i imagined id find out i was pregnant.

I dont know what i expect someone to say to me, i just needed to get it out, My dp is at work full time so ive found myself sat here alone all week which is making me worse just thinking about it all.

If you get a job now you'll still get some maternity pay I think. People aren't allowed to discriminate against pregnant women, and you won't show for a good 4 or 5 months if you're lucky, so start applying for all you can now. It really will be OK :)

Try not to worry. It sounds like you're in a pretty good position really. No debt is a big bonus and quite unusual these days.

I'm sure you'll be able to fid some dot of job whilst pregnant even if it's slightly different to the line of work you're used to. I'm not sure if you'll be entitled to maternity pay/ allowance, you'd have to check but at the very least you'll he able to save a little towards baby stuff and I'm sure once baby is born you'll be entitled to tax credits and child benefit

You're not a failure, it's just a big change and you're adjusting to the idea. It sounds like you have a supportive family and I'm sure they'll help out all they can. Honestly, it could be a lot worse. Take it easy on yourself and just give yourself time to get used to the idea

Oh and congratualtions

Stupid phone! find some sort of job

I was in a similar situation at 6 weeks, feeling pretty desperate and depressed, and crying all the time etc. I did eventually decide to seriously look for a job, and seeing the baby at the 12 week scan made it all seem so worthwhile, that was a turning point for me.

I know it is hard as it's a stressful situation and the hormones and morning sickness don't help. I would say go for it! It can be done. There is no need to tell them you are pregnant until you are obviously showing, in fact they often don't want to know as it puts them in a difficult position re. the law (since they can't discriminate).

Just make sure that you show you are committed when you do tell them (I waited until I had a job offer), and be prepared to show that you have plans for how many months to take off, childcare etc. It worked for me.

Good luck!

Congratulations on your pregnancy! :)

You are most definitely not a failure - life/jobs are tough for so many right now.

All I can say at this moment in time is that having a baby doesn't need to be bank-breaking - they don't demand designer jeans, they won't eat only "brand label" food and it doesn't matter what "everyone else's mum buys them"! Seriously, whilst the baby shops & catalogues will tell you need almost everything else your BAYBEE WILL DIE - it is of course not true - there are always bargains and second hand things.

Perhaps if you're not working you'll find that you're saving a fortune in lunches/bus fares or tights for example.

Again, congratulations on your wonderful news!

Hi, thank you for your replies.

I think having just lost another job id be feeling pretty much like a failure anyway, i always have my dad on my back asking if I've got a proper job yet and although I'm trying and its nothing to do with him, its still hard having to say no i haven't and feel so useless, added with my stupid hormones at the moment i feel 10 times worse than usual.

I do think I'm lucky with family etc its so hard to see it right now cos I'm stuck here feeling so sorry for myself, i just don't like to be taking handouts constantly of family, i feel like such a charity case as they've helped so much with the cost of repairs to the house, I'm such a planner and a plan b person this time i dont have a plan b and i think that is scaring me more than anything right now, ive looked into benefits and such and i think we will be ok once the baby comes, im so worried what to do up until then, ill need new clothes soon and have no money, i dont even have spare to go charity shopping for them. just feel really really useless and pathetic! sorry for moaning

Sometimes sitting down and doing the maths helps to put your mind at rest a bit. Babies don't have to cost the earth as you can get a lot second hand (the National Childbirth Trust's nearly new sales are meant to be really good for example). You may also be able to borrow a lot of stuff from friends and family. My DC is a first grandchild on one side and a second grandchild on the other and our families have both given us money (unasked) to spend on baby things. If you find you are struggling to afford things and feel comfortable asking them for help do so. There are also loads of MN threads telling you what you actually need for a baby (rather than what the shops will tell you you need ). Sometimes expensive doesn't always mean best (look at the rave reviews Lidl own-brand nappies get in the MN product reviews). Have a look at your outgoings generally and see what can be cut back, and factor in child benefit / tax credits etc. I know all this won't necessarily solve the problem entirely but it might make things a little less scarey!

PS You are not a failure! At the risk of sounding trite 'success' is about the kind of person you are, not what you earn or work at.

PS I x-posted with you Salempickles. Hope its still a bit helpful...

Oh and really, ignore your dad asking if you've got a 'proper job' yet. What does that mean anyway? All jobs are proper in the sense that they eat money and that is the whole point of a job. You're an adult, none of his business what job you do

earn you money..

you will probably be eligible for this maternity allowance

please don't worry, you are not a failure at all, it's tough out there

That's just what dads do though. E.g., mine says things like "oooh you should always have xx000 in the bank for a rainy day" - and I think yes, lovely idea dad, should I stop paying for food or housing?

Big thumbs up this end for Lidl nappies - also I got a quinny travelsystem for number one for 125 euros - but I gather much, much cheaper on ebay. Sales are your friend. A mn'er friend of mine did very well with ebay maternity clothes - e.g., jeans for 99p! She's a very good ebayer though - doesn't get emotional about it!

IKEA do great cheap baby furniture - although honestly, if your family are as lovely and kind as you say they are they'll spoil you the baby rotten anyway.

I hate, hate, HATE asking my parents for money - but when push comes to shove there's no way they'd let their PFBGC go without!

pickles I really feel for you and in fact as a family unit we are going through something similar. I?m almost 36weeks pregnant and finish work tomorrow to start my mat leave and DH was told on Monday he is being made redundant! I totally crumbled on Monday, how could we possibly manage on just my mat pay!! Fortunately he has been given 3 months notice, which gives us some breathing space, but its still all very scary. But I know we?ll be ok ? i think somehow you just find a way. Can you manage for the time being on your husbands income ? even if it?s a tight tight squeeze? You also still have several months to find something else and earn some money to help get you through you maternity leave.

You?ve already said you know your friends and family will help out ? and I?m sure they?ll surprise you with their generosity knowing you are struggling. Babies can cost a fortune if you want everything new and from all the fancy shops, but it doesn?t have to be that way, and the baby is really not going to know any difference. All they need is a warm loving home. Get yourself on ebay for things like maternity clothes ? I bought a great pair of jeans for £1, and for your newborn stuff. Prams go for half the price on there too. I?ve bought a mix of new and old and had a lot given to me too, but now we are having to tighten our purse strings it will be essentials only and lots more ebay shopping.

Its take me a few days to come around, and I still swing from ?it?ll be ok we can manage? to despairing wails of ?why us, its so unfair?. More than anything I feel so angry that this has happened at a time that is supposed to be filled with joy, as it just takes the edge off everything because of the worry. But I know, once our baby is here, that?s all that will matter. We all have this fairytale idea of what having our first child will be like, but rare does it happen this way.

I also wanted to say, please don?t beat yourself up about not being able to find work after graduating or indeed about being made redundant. It really is no reflection on you. The state of the economy is not what is was and I know so many people out of work, facing redundancy. Its something that happens to the best of us.

Best of luck, and congratulations!!!

collieandpup thats just so awful for you, like you say the last thing you need right now!

I know your all right, i'm in the state of mind that i need to feel sorry for myself at the moment and wallowing on the bathroom floor with morning sickness for most of the day certainly doesn't help, nor does not being able to sleep.

I got out of the house though and went for a huge long walk to clear my head which really helped, i suppose we could live of my partners salary for a while till something picks up, its just with doing the house up all the money goes towards that so we can get back in there, currently my brother is putting us up, so i dont think being in someone elses house helps my situation either, Im not that bothered about brand new expensive stuff, yes it would be nice but if its a choice between a lovely 2nd cot or eating and keeping our house then im not going to be stupid about it, ive had a look on ebay today for some new clothes, im a super ebayer too so normally manage to get a bargain.

I think im mostly worried about the ideal image you have in your head about being pregnant for the 1st time and that its not going to plan, i just need to change that image, ive worked out all the tax credits i can claim after the baby is born, i just need to get through the next few months on a basic shoestring, if i dont find work in the mean time. thanks again for listening, nice to not go mad on my own!

Remember that you can claim six months of contributions based Jobseekers, regardless of your partners salary, if you have been in work long enough to have enough NI contributions. Look on the direct.gov site to find out if you qualify. Even if you can live off your partners salary, it will give you 65 pounds a week to save up for when the baby arrives.

also I second the advice to not tell at interview that you are pregnant. They are not even allowed to ask you. Good luck with finding something soon. Even if it is just temping, it will tide you over for a while.

Salempickles I could jar written the exact same post2 years ago! I was 21, at uni, just bought a house with dp and found out I was 7 weeks pregnant. An like you I always imagined my 1st pregnancy to be perfect and lovely and just likes fairy tale and felt disappointed that it wasnt going to be like that. But we now have perfect dd, house is coming along slowly but looking lovely, dd has doesn't have designer clothes or the must have pram of the season but she is more than adored, and wants for nothing. She is so happy and pleased to get things, not spoilt at all (which I am sure may be if we could afford ) and just a delight! We are also planning dc2 . Everything will be just perfect for you too I'm sure, possibly not to your original plan but perfect all the same congratulations on your pregnancy!

clandy Your post actually made me cry!! I just realised your right, my original plan wont be the one id always imagined, but 1 thing in my plan was to never raise a spoilt child and as you pointed out if we were well off then im sure it would be so spoilt. I think our families will spoil them enough to make do without us stretching our money too.

Thank you, i'm slowly coming round to the idea of the next few months living on a shoe string, i talked things over with my partner about money issues and he reassured me we would be fine, were really lucky to have family to fall back on if were not, and as much as i dont want to ask for help or things from them i know they wouldnt let us go without,just having a hormonal day i think! thank you again you have all made me see sense!

Pfff - hormonal days? Last week I drove down the motorway with tears streaming down my face. The culprit? Eminem and Dido's "Stan".

Hi, I really feel for you. I work for myself so when i don't work, no money comes in. I'll have no maternity benefit to help!

Some practical info for you though- if you start a new job now you will NOT be entitled to any statutory maternity pay from your new employer.
(you have to be working there before you conceived- there's a sort of 'timelime' test.

HOWEVER, if you can prove you have worked 26 weeks out of the 60 weeks before you baby's due date,(this would include your previous job and any other work you get from now on), and have earned at least thirty pounds a week for any thirteen of these weeks (don't have to be concurrent), you will be entitled to Maternity Allowance, which is a benefit.

They will work out the rate based on your earnings- 90% of your gross salary for any thirteen weeks (you can pick and choose the weeks to make it the highest sum) if it is less than the weekly limit of 128.73, or this weekly limit if 90% of your salary is higher. You get it for 39 weeks total (if you don't go back to work before this) so at least you will have something coming in each week. google Maternity allowance for more info! Good luck

am 36 weeks down the line myse aalf, i completed my degree on dec, i av been searching for a job like crazy and i have not managed to secure one. my time is up and am really freaking out since i havent saved anything at all, i havent bought baby clothes either and am like telling the baby to hold on until i get the cash to be really ready for it. am really freaking out.
#somewhereinafrica#

am 36 weeks down the line myse aalf, i completed my degree on dec, i av been searching for a job like crazy and i have not managed to secure one. my time is up and am really freaking out since i havent saved anything at all, i havent bought baby clothes either and am like telling the baby to hold on until i get the cash to be really ready for it. am really freaking out.
atleast you still got time to get a job and prepare the coming of the little one. all the best my dear with your search.
#somewhereinafrica#

Congrats and don't freak out! You qualify for ....
I) £500 government start up grant that you can apply at 26 weeks press
Ii) you qualify for maternity allowance
I I) you will qualify for child tax credits / job seekers allowance and child benefit
I I) since you have a mortgage you won't get housing benefit but the above you will be able to claim
Do try look for a job now though - just don't tell them on your interview until you secure a position and if you are employed by whatever company on 26th week of your pregnancy you'll get Smp instead of maternity allowance . Good luck Hun but you'll be fine

Can you look for a temporary job, like maternity cover or similar? Often that way you can get really good experience of a particular role that looks good on your CV, and if you are not interested in a position longer-term (at least not immediately), then you are attractive to the company hiring. Part-time work might also be more of an option just for this interim period? If you can't earn much, at least look for jobs that give you good CV experience.

I was a student when DC1 was born, my DH had just graduated, it was a tricky time as neither of us knew when and how we would actually be able to get on a career ladder. DH worked as an unskilled labourer for a couple of years because we needed the money and he couldn't find anything else. But within three years (and two kids) we had both managed to find a way into the kind of jobs we wanted. We were obviously a lot less flexible than people without kids, but we were motivated and supported each other a lot, and it worked out in the end!

Early pregnancy is a horrible time hormonally, so try to keep that in mind too - it's normal to feel very up and down about things, even if the situation is stable. Try and keep the courage that it will all work out, maybe even better than you can imagine at the moment.

Think Ops baby will be ready for school by now!!