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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Just told my mother I am pregnant again and got exactly the response I expected <gloom>

42 replies

FrannyandZooey · 15/10/2011 14:03

I had been putting it off as I knew what it would be like. I am 40, we have 2 lovely boys of 8 and 3, and I am expecting another in April. Me and dp are solvent, in good health etc, no reason why we should not choose to have another child.

I rang my (narcissistic) mother today to tell her, and she just said "Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God." for about 2 minutes. At this point I thought she had had enough time to be an arse, and said "this is the bit where you say 'congratulations'." Cue another 2 mins of "Oh my God. Well I was not expecting you to say that. Oh my God. You have knocked the wind out of my sails. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God."

Other gems I saw coming a mile off: "Where will you put it?" (we currently co-sleep with ds2, but we have a good-sized bedroom with 2 big futons), "So you've have to stop feeding ds2" (er, no, why?). I wasn't expecting "You will have to move house" (we've got a smallish house but it has 3 bedrooms) or "Do you think you will get really fat again?" (yes probably, who cares ffs?)

Afterwards I felt it was exactly as I expected - dp can't imagine why she reacted like this, but it's because it's not what she personally would have chosen for us to do (fuck knows why, she had 3 children herself), and anyone making choices different to what she would have chosen, is not to be tolerated - she takes it as a complete shock and a personal insult. I know she will stew on it and find some other charming things to say, to show her displeasure.

I am just going over it really, I know there is nothing anyone can say to fix it, but some sympathy or support would be appreciated...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

BlueKangaroo22 · 15/10/2011 14:47

My moms reaction showed alot of faith in me..."you know its a lot of responsibilty don't you? Can't just pick up and put down when it suits you." I was well aware of this and I'd of thought my mom would have thought the same, me being nearly 22 at the time!

Thing is, I'd been TTC my dd for a year...I hadn't gone into it lightly at all. She reacted like the condom broke! :)

brianmayshair · 15/10/2011 14:48

Congratulations, my usually lovely MIL said 'but how will you manage' when we told her about dc 3 eh we are both 30, well paid and have a spare room so perfectly fine i would think thank you very much. She has come around to the idea now and is very pleased/excited. FIL didn't mention it to us for a week despite us seeing him regularly. Parents are insane, now you have the fun part of proving her wrong about all of those things.

AngieWatts · 15/10/2011 14:52

Congrats!

My mum told me that when she told my granny she was expecting her second baby (first baby was only 5 months old) my grandmother said 'How could you have been so stupid'. Turns out that second baby was my grandmother's absolute pride and joy grandchild, and she could never bear it whenmy mum reminded er occasionally in a tongue-in-cheek away about her first response to the news.

Ignore your mum. You are having a baby

PootlePosyPumpkin · 15/10/2011 14:54

Congratulations! That's lovely news. Ignore your mother - my sister had a similar reaction when I told her DC3 was on the way. Just because she only has one DS and can't imagine why anyone would ever want more than that .

Summerbird73 · 15/10/2011 15:02

Congratulations!

My SMIL said to FIL when me and DH made our announcement about being pregnant with DS1 'How are those 'kids' going to manage? Especially with just one wage'

Er - Me and DH both in our 30's so not pre-teens! both got good jobs (no way was i going to resign) and live in a 3 bedroom house FFS. We manage

Interesting point made by RickGhastley of which i agree, i struggle to come to terms with my mothers comments now that i am a mother myself. I see her as an 'alternative learning tool'

curlyredhair · 15/10/2011 15:03

Congratulations. I have yet to tell my mother as she told me last year that she didn't think my relationship would survive a third. (Thanks mum). I'm thinking of just not mentioning it until she visits. She does so so rarely, this baby will be at school before she notices!

Original poster

FrannyandZooey · 15/10/2011 18:58

thank you all very much
me and a friend have been laughing about it also, I feel better now
we were taking the piss of the fact she said it was such a shock
"It's just so UNEXPECTED. Have you told your sisters? Weren't they SHOCKED?"
blimey, yeah, shock of a lifetime that, an adult in a stable sexual relationship, with 2 previous children, actually dares to conceive ANOTHER ONE!!!!

surprised she didn't drop dead with the shock and shame, really

OP posts:

Shaz2011 · 15/10/2011 19:02

Congratulations as long as u and dp are happy that's all that counts ignore your mum

Lulumama · 15/10/2011 19:09

congrats to you franny ! lovely news. x

Original poster

FrannyandZooey · 15/10/2011 19:16

you're all getting it wrong
you should be having the vapours and moaning "the shock, the shock, oh my GOD"

OP posts:

nailak · 15/10/2011 19:27

when i told mum about my third, she said "what do you want 3 kids for?" 2 was ok, presumably because she had 2.....

Enfyshedd · 15/10/2011 21:17

Slightly different in my case, but after I got together with my DP (who is a father of 2 DSs and has custody), my step gran said "that's a shame, it would have been nice for you to have children of your own". "And why wouldn't I have a child of my own?" "Oh!"

Doh!

LilRedWG · 15/10/2011 21:24

Oooo - many congratulations! Ignore your mother!

bibbitybobbityhat · 15/10/2011 21:30

Fabulous news Franny, many congrats.

I had my last child two weeks before my 41st birthday. Mil was utterly shocked at the news we were going to have another baby - but then by the time she was 41 her son (my dh) was 23!

Am so sorry your mother is like that . Thank goodness you have something wonderful going on to take your mind off it.

whomovedmychocolate · 15/10/2011 21:32

Gosh I haven't seen you on here for AGES but a million congratulations. No matter what your mother thinks this is bloody brilliant. Good for you!

aviatrix · 18/10/2011 23:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

twogirls1more · 19/10/2011 08:18

Having had way more than my fair share of narcissistic people in my life, (Dad, ex boyfriend to mention a couple), I learnt in the end, (though this did take a while, particularly with my Dad,) that they only get to demonstrate their narcissistic ways when people care and allow it! If I were you I'd tell your Mum that she's been told because she's your Mum and going to become a Grandmother again, that her negativity isn't appreciated and in future to keep it to herself. That the decision to have another child was and is yours and your DH's and at the age of 40 you're quite capable of standing by that decision! I don't envy you there I have to say as it's so tough dealing with narcissistic parents! I don't have my Dad in my life anymore because I took a stand some years ago. Good luck with baby and many congrats!! :)

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