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Original poster

Why would you not want pain relief?

107 replies

handlemecarefully · 28/10/2003 09:06

Okay, don't get hot under the collar with me for asking this question. I'm not being judgemental, but I really am mystified why some mothers want to avoid all pain relief when giving birth. If you have decided to avoid all pain relief during your birth, please would you mind sharing with me your reasons why? I genuinely do want to understand....

I'm on baby no 2 by the way (due next spring) so I have been through childbirth myself already...

OP posts:
Hayls · 28/10/2003 13:06

I've been really encouraged by all these comments as I feel quite strongly about it. For most of the reasons mentioned, I don't want pethidine or an epidural and would quite like to remain open minded about gas and air. However, I have a slightly different prob(?) because my dh is worried about it, doesn't want me to be in lots of pain etc. I'm concerned that when I actually am in that position it will be so painful that I'll be asking for whatever they've got on offer. DH says that's fine with him but what I really want him to do is remind me of the benefits of not having it and how important it was to me- basically not let me have any! He says he just can't do this as he wil want to do whatever he can and doesn't want to risk upsettingme/ continuing the pain by disagreeing with me (This seems like a really stupid thing to be worrying about but I have this fear that I'll lose control a bit and panic and end up having pain relief that perhaps I could do without. If i had my dh's backing I'd feel more confident. If i put it in my birth plan that I don't want any, how much effect will it have?
Has anybody ese been in this position or have any advice on how to try to persuade dh? I realise how difficult it will be for him and am at a loss as to what to do!
Am i being blinkered in thinking that I won't need any? A few people have said 'do you realise it will hurt?- I know it's my first but I had worked that out!
BTW,I think if it's what you want, then go for it. I just have a bit of a fear of taking any kind of medication and want to avoid it if I can.

codswallop · 28/10/2003 13:08

why do you feel you have to decide now?

Just see how things go...

Hayls · 28/10/2003 13:11

I'm just a bit of a worrier. I'm 27 weeks and am already not looking forward to it. I'm a bit of a control freak and thought if I had as much as possible 'sorted out' I'd feel better about it. It works normally! It drives dh mad, his opinion is why can't you just wait and see what happens- about everything!

bluecow · 28/10/2003 13:19

Before my first child last year I really had no idea how painful childbirth could be (well mine was - the fact my son was back to back certainly made it worse). By the end I was screaming for an epidural but didn't get it in time.

I think I thought I could bear the pain. As it turns out I had to cos baby was coming out before I got the drugs! But before that I'd had everything - the pool, TENS, Meptid...! Only the TENS helped a little.

With my second, due in April, I don't know what to do - would like less pain but don't want birth to be complicated if I can't feel enough to push etc.

zebra · 28/10/2003 13:25

I think it's sweet when blokes can't stand to see us in pain, even if it might be a bit misguided/short-sighted.

Maybe your best strategy Hayls is just to try to go to hospital as late as possible. And don't kick yourself if you do "give in" and get whatever pain relief is on offer, after all.

dinosaur · 28/10/2003 14:05

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 28/10/2003 14:09

Bluecow

I had a back to back delivery as well - horrendous eh?

OP posts:
aloha · 28/10/2003 14:20

Hayls, if you really feel strongly about this, why not consider a doula to come to the birth with you as well as your partner. What you are asking for sounds like exactly the sort of thing a doula does. Believe me, I'm not selling anything here, I'm strictly a bring on the caesarian section, the facelift and Botox and have another espresso while you're up type but I think a doula may be exactly what you're after. Pupuce is one and will have more info.

WideWebWitch · 28/10/2003 14:22

Hayls, I maybe know what you mean. I used to be a bit of a control freak (less so since having ds I think) and the whole out of control aspect of labour really scared me before the event. And during some of it too! Maybe it's unrealistic to ask your dh to be responsible for witholding drugs if you're screaming for them at the time but I DO think you could discuss this with your midwives and ask them to try to let you manage without them for as long as possible. If they know this is what you want they will try to help you stick with it. For example I was screaming for pethedine during the last 30 minutes (not knowing it was the last 30 mins) and the midwives said "we haven't got it, you said you didn't want it and you don't need it - you're nearly there" and they were right, I was. (Don't know whether they did have it, maybe, maybe not) I was at home so there weren't any other options anyway. If your midwives know that you'd like to try without an epidural/whatever then they can help you. OTOH I really would try to tell yourself that you are allowed to change your mind at the time and it's completely fine if you do! You will be out of control in labour (IMO and IME anyway) and I think it's probably easier to cope at the time if you accept it rather than fight it. I don't know if I'm making any sense here but I think I did fight it a bit when ds was being born and I intend not to this time if possible since I think it led to slight panic in my case (not for long but I did panic).

I really wouldn't worry about your DH - if you want him to experience some of the pain with you you could always try biting him, which is what my sister did to her dh when she gave birth recently I would have bitten my dh too but he moved his hand just in time, bless him. Anyway, hope something in the above helps.

CountessDracula · 28/10/2003 14:23

I was up for giving it a go without but in the end after lots of failed inductions had to have an epidural and csection. Epidural was fine btw apart from fainting when it was put in (because I'm squeamish) didn't hurt at all.

I do feel that there are no medals for bravery in childbirth, you should take what you feel is appropriate at the time. Don't try and plan too much in advance as IME it doesn't usually go to plan anyway and you will end up feeling disappointed.

WideWebWitch · 28/10/2003 14:23

aloha!

Hayls · 28/10/2003 15:04

Handlemecarefully, sorry for hijacking your thread! thank you so much everyone for all your advice. I will have an open mind and I don't think (hopefully) I'd feel like a failure or let down or anything if i did need a bit of help with the pain.
Any other experiences greatfully received!
The doula idea sounds good actually...

mears · 28/10/2003 15:05

Hayls - I think it is great that you want to labour without pain relief and it certainly can be done. However, as a midwife I have looked after women whose labours have not gone to plan. Some labours can be very protracted affairs and far more painful than anticipated. When labour progresses well then you can cope with the pain because your goal is getting closer. Mother nature is often not kind, and some women are unable to deliver vaginally. Labour becomes very painful because progress is not being made. Pain relief is a godsend in this type of situation.
What I am trying to say is kep your options open. If you encounter any difficulties in labour you may need to change your mind about pain relief. You can certainly make your midwife aware that you do not want pain relief. Bear in mind though, she cannot deny you it if you request it (unless the baby is about to be born).

fio2 · 28/10/2003 15:17

Thats a lovely message mears and I wish you had been my midwife when I had my first. Mine made me feel guilty about having an epidural even though I hadn't had any sleep for 2 days. When epidural ended in a dural tap she proceeded to tell me how I wouldn't be able to bond with my baby. Thats not the half of it but she was very unsympathetic

Bozza · 28/10/2003 15:44

LOL www - I made do with squeezing my DH's hands (complete with wedding ring)so hard that he bruised. And that was every contraction except when he was driving the car - had to make do with the overhead handle thing then.

bluecow · 28/10/2003 16:29

Handlemecarefully - the fact you had a back labour fully explains why you are asking about pain relief!! You can't believe how I felt when one of the ante natal women I knew said her birth was just a bit like having a stomach ache - well, perhaps you can!

I screamed a primal scream during the contractions so frightening I scared myself!

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 28/10/2003 19:41

Bluecow,

Though it sounds melodrammatic, there were times when I felt like I wanted to die rather than go on. My husband - not given to extremes of emotion was in tears watching me. Yes I can well imagine what you thought when hearing someone compare labour pain to stomach ache....

Perhaps we should start a 'back to back labour survivors thread' - te he he!

Here's hoping it will be better next time

OP posts:
bobthebaby · 28/10/2003 20:18

Because I didn't want to meet a drugged up baby, pee down a tube or have a machine tell me when to push.

3GirlsMum · 28/10/2003 20:41

My reasons are pretty normal I guess, I cant stand needles so epidural and others were out and gas and air makes me feel sick. I had natural labour with all three of mine and I got through the pain by trying to relax as much as possible into my contractions and also by breathing properly..lol.

Have to say Im lucky in that my longest labour was my first and only lasted 4 hours, the following two labours were 2 hours and 1.5 so fortunately didnt have to put up with the pain too long. The downside being that I had double contractions because the labours were so quick!

Like others I also like the idea of being completely in control and aware of what I was doing.

mummysurfer · 28/10/2003 20:46

I wanted a healthy baby not a medal and took this into consideration

Eowyn · 28/10/2003 20:46

It is amazing how different labours are. I found it so unbelievably painful, it was all quick, gave birth 6 hrs from 1st contraction & everyone said how lucky I was, but for the last hour or 2 I felt so out of control, no idea what was happening, couldn't move like midwife suggested, was halfway between lying on my back & side & pain so bad i couldn't move, completely unaware of dh's existance, let alone presence.

Had TENS, gas n air & a bit of pethidine, goodness knows if it worked, sure couldn't tell, was gasping down the gas so much couldn't swallow after. Asked for epidural but told "oh you don;t need that", then again I was 8 cms when i got there.

So, I'm not having more children, tho not just cos of all that, but if i was, I would dearly like to be unconscious, preferably for the 1st year after as well.

pupuce · 28/10/2003 20:53

I have not had time to read replies but for me.... childbirth is a natural biological event, I can deal with the pain by breathing. I strongly believe that my baby benefits from having had a natural childbirth, I think all medical/pharmacological pain relief has an impact on the baby.
Natural childbirth is what we are meant to have (and I am o playing heroes here as I found it horribly painful but never ever regretted not having pain relief) and I personally I feel we are too quick to run to modern conveniencies and not asking ourselves basic questions... hey call me a hippy!

BTW - I should add that I did have pain relief : water (birth pool)

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 28/10/2003 21:05

Gosh,

Some folk are a bit prickly / defensive!

OP posts:
Original poster
handlemecarefully · 28/10/2003 21:08

Didn't mean you Pupuce (since I posted directly after you)

Eowyn - you made me laugh when you said you would dearly like to be unconscious and especially for the first year afterwards!

OP posts:
aloha · 28/10/2003 21:16

I just have to say that my caesarian baby was emphatically NOT drugged up - yelled for England when out, settled immediately in my arms, top Apgar scores, awake and alert (sadly ) for hours after birth, and sucked so hard I got a blood blister on my nipple etc.