when should I tell my 7 year old I am pregnant?

[Alisonjayjay]

I'm 7 weeks pregnant with number two and my 7 year old ds doesn't know yet. I was going to wait until at least 12 weeks and give him a special big brother present. I've tried to broach the subject about babies and asked him if he would like to be a big brother and his reply was along the lines of 'no way, I don't want any stupid babies staying here. It would just cry and wake me up!' There is quite a big age gap and I'm starting to wonder if I should tell him earlier to let him get used to the idea. The only problem is that I know he wouldn't be able to keep quiet and everyone would know! Has anyone had a similar experience? Any tips?

[BonzaBlue]

Well my 2 are 11 and 9, I had a mmc in Feb this year at 11 weeks. I told the children at 8 weeks as I had mc at 7 weeks in Nov the previous yr. I thought I was 'safe' obviously I wasn't - and this was heart breaking for my 2.

I fell pregnant almost straight away and only told them after my 12 week scan - even though I had, had a 8 week scan and every thing looked OK. I was surprised that they had not guessed as my tummy was already showing !

So I would wait until your scan - if I was in your shoes !

Congratulations and good luck with whatever you decide to do XXXX

[BikeRunSki]

I'd wait to Twelve weeks, then, if all ok tells him. My 2.5 yo sussed at about 8 weeks, just by overhearing us.

[sleepevader]

Do try and wait til 12 wks.

Also try not to gauge his reaction in advance by doing baby talk. You will only worry if it sounds like he doesn't want a sibling. When hd knows you are actuslly pregnant his Reaction hopefully will be more favourable.

[kiki22]

a friend of mine told her 5 year old she was thinking about having a baby but would have to ask the doctor if she could get one first she unfortunatly MC and as a result told her son that there were no babys at the moment and would need to wait, done the same next time and when all was well at 12 weeks told him they would be having a baby this time :)

[Alisonjayjay]

Thanks for the advice. I'll wait till the 12wk scan and then think about how to tell him :-)

[charlatan]

I know all children deal with things differently but we decided to involve our 5 year old DS from very early on so he wouldn't feel left out at all. He had been asking about brothers and sisters some months earlier but hadn't mentioned it for a while.
My DH and I did a test when we suspected I was pregnant and it was positive. After about a week I mentioned to my DS that my tummy felt a bit funny and wondered if there was a baby in there. I did a test with my DS and let him see the lines appear on the stick. He was so excited and couldn't wait to tell Daddy who pretended to be surprised. We explained how we wanted it to be our secret for a few more weeks and he managed not to tell anyone else until we said and then he told the family the news.
I had severe pregnancy sickness (Hyperemis) this time and was off work for 2 months from about 7 weeks so it made it really easy to explain why mummy was ill and he was so good about everything.
He also came to both scans and was telling his sister to move when the sonographer could not get the spine measurement first time! We have been checking how the baby has developed week by week online and he is always talking to, singing to and hugging my bump!
I'm now 39+5 and really glad we took this approach. All through the pregnancy he has not had any negative feelings towards the baby and I think he has enjoyed learning all about it. Lets hope this continues after she is born......................

[fuckityfuckfuckfuck]

I told my 7 year old at 16 weeks. By that time we had a pretty good idea everything would be fine, and we've given her custody of the scan photo In a way I wish we'd waited longer (not really possible as the tummy grows I suppose) as it is such a long time for a child to wait for the end resuly. My 3 yo son isn't bothered at all, he's kissed my tummy a few times but I think he'll understand more as my tummy grows. Fwiw, I really don't recommend taking older siblings to scans, as nice as they are it's not their intention to be used as an opportunity to gawp at the baby. Something could be found to be wrong and that would be hard enough without a child in the room.

[NotFromConcentrate]

We broke with the usual 'rules' and told our 7 and 3 yo's almost as soon as we found out, so around 5 weeks.

I think it's a really individually decision and based largely on your own experiences and history too. I think waiting until after the scan is not a bad idea at all, and am sure you'll get a better reaction than you had from the chats you had! Similarly, telling out LO's immediately just felt right for us; we wanted to involve them and didn't want them to overhear or to hear from someone else.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! :)

[IssyStark]

We waited until after the 12 week scan because of my history of recurrent miscarriage (6 losses between DS and this one). Our DS will have just turned 5 when no. 2 is born but he has wanted a sibling for at least 2.5 years (basically as soon as his friends started getting younger siblings) so we knew he'd be upset if we told him and it didn't work out.

I wouldn't waorry too much about conversations now as it is all hypothetical at the moment for your DS. There was almost 8 years between me and my sister but the time she was born. I have a feeling my parents didn't tell me until mum was nearly 20w (she'd had a couple of late m/c previously). So when to tell is completely dependent on your gynae history.

Good luck and congrats!

[BabyAcorn]

I have a step son who was 10 when we told him. I married his Dad, with his Mother absolutely hating our guts and everything that we stand for.

So I was beyond scared, terrified, he'd hate me, and then the Mother would tell him that's it, they'll never want to see you blaaa blaa.

Anyway, I was feeling poorly and it just didn't seem fair for him to think every weekend I was poorly, so we took him on a day out and his Dad told him.
I was crying because I was so scared he'd think I was taking him/his dad away, like you Alison Jay, why would he want a bro/sis. etc. When he's happy as things are?

He just sat and said nothing [ which was a total shock !] When asked if he was ok, he just gave us the biggest hug and said he was so pleased to have a bro/sis on the way. [Total Relief!]

I know it must be such a horrible thing, your so pleased, but in the back of your mind, it's like, OMG !!Is every one going to be ok?

But we have tried soooo hard to include him in everything.!! We have had a garden office built so the 3rd room is now the nursery, so he's taken to knocking up a few bits from the left overs and taken to build the baby a aeroplane , boat all over the summer and never chissled in his life and loves it!

So of course, that's going in the nursery [ Health and safety conscience as it's not beautifully finished, but I think that's his way of getting ready.

I dont know if that's something you could look into? Maybe getting him to be chief Big Brother, decorating or something?So he feels a real part of it?