Why does no-one understand how absolutely terrified I am?!

[Jennyrosity]

I am 25 weeks pregnant tomorrow with my first baby - a baby DH and I desperately want and spent over a year trying for - and I'm completely terrified. I'm so happy to be pregnant, but the thought that in about three months time I'm going to be responsible for a tiny, vulnerable little person induces instant panic.

DH is being uncharacteristically calm about the prospect - a good thing, I know, but it means he really doesn't understand and thinks I'm being neurotic (and I probably am - I couldn't even say what I'm scared of, I'm just generally scared of everything). My mum just laughs at me and tells me I'm going to be fine. I'm the first of my friends to get pregnant, so they're no help.

I'm a 33 year old professional, btw, in an ideal position in every way to start a family - there's no logical reason for feeling this way. I'm just scared I'm not up to the job. I can't even read up and do research on what to expect, because the more I learn, the more I panic. The whole thing just seems so overwhelming.

I want to stress again that I desperately want this baby. I suppose I'm just scared I'm not going to be good enough for her.

Does anyone else understand where I'm coming from?!

It is COMPLETELY normal (for anyone with an ounce of sense, anyway) to feel like this.

People tell you it will be fine because honestly it will be. It's bloody hard work and you'll still feel completely baffled sometimes when the baby is here but the very fact that you are so terrified demonstrates that you have the common sense to deal with it.

I remember having a full-scale meltdown somewhere around the 20 week mark with my first because baby vests seemed to be a complete enigma to me. Can't for the life of me remember why now. And I shouted at my (poor) mother in the middle of mothercare when DS was 6 months because she kept asking which feeding implements I wanted to buy and how can you know that when you have not a clue what tiny people are supposed to eat?

Then you look back and it all seems pretty easy, really.

Until you get pg with your second!!

DITTO! Jennyrosity

Yep, January thread 5 up and running - I'm not as savvy with links but it's called Third Trimester of the Thurd Kind (or something) too much nesting, not enough resting.

Sorry, didn't mean to post and run!

It is very reassuring to hear I'm not the only one to have felt like this. In a way it just helps to be told it's ok to be scared, rather than "don't be scared" - not something I really have control over - or "there's nothing to be scared about" - clearly that's rubbish, there's everything to be scared of!

Like some other posters here, I don't have any experience of babies or children - I'm an only child, so I've never really spent any time with them. Kids in particular scare me - at least with babies their needs seem fairly simple, but I don't understand children at all. Doesn't stop me wanting my own, I just hope I can make sense of them.

And like Hairylights, the sheer amount of choice in baby things out freaks me out - how am I supposed to know which is the best for baby?! We bought a cot over the weekend (didn't mean to buy it so early - DH persuaded me as it was on sale) and now I'm scared I've inadvertently bought some kind of baby-eating death trap.

I'm still freaked-out-to-all-hell - in a way I'd kind of like to just stay pregnant, so I can keep her safe with relatively little effort - but it's good to know at least I'm not alone!

hello - i'd held a few babies (and given them back when they cried), hadn't changed a nappy (parents responsibility IMO) and def not got involved with any feeding (obv not boob but not a clue about bottles) until DS was born. Not a flipping clue either and terrified but anyone who says they are confident about being a first time mum is an absolute liar IMO.

I think that all the guff out there makes you feel like you should know what to do when you haven't had a chance to figure it out. They don't make you take a test before they let you get up the duff and we all fuck it up at some point or another but then you learn from it and don't do it again.

and like someone said - its trial and error all the way. i'm sure it will all be fine but in the meantime its ok to be terrified - come on here and vent.

p.s. re baby eating deathtrap am having the same concern re the bed we've just bought for DS because we need the cot for the new one. clearly still have no idea what i'm doing but DS is alive and happy so can't be too much wrong!