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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

SIL due to drop, and I worried at how unprepared she seems

48 replies

LikeACandleButNotQuite · 01/10/2011 20:42

as above. Few days to go, and I don't know if it's just me, but I am worried about how little preparation she has done (not wrt buying things, but learning things)

*She complained she couldn't find baby themed pillowcases for the babies pillow? I thought you weren't supposed to give pillows or duvets til 1 yo?

*When I mentioned feet-to-foot she had no idea, and seemed aghast that you would put a baby at the bottom of the cot, not at the top

*Didn't realise the hospital wouldn't just let you walk out the door with the baby (in response as to whether they had practiced fitting the car seat into the car) - she said "if they don't let me take the baby, i'll ring the police"...yes, and the police are going to let an un-restrained baby travel in a car?

*She has not been to a midwife appt since about 26/28 weeks

Why not do a BIT of research? It's her first.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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pocketfullofposies · 01/10/2011 22:50

Hopefully she'll cop on and go and see her midwife.

If it's any consolation I think my SIL is a complete incompetent tosser but her children are still alive and in good health so you never really know.

Original poster

LikeACandleButNotQuite · 01/10/2011 22:57

hahaa, posies I certainly dont think she's that bad, just has her own way.

I did tell her about Sleeping Bags firawala, actually may get her one as the babies xmas present, having already bought her 'new baby' present. And definetly true about the HV, she will support her in the first few days at home.

Think her DH isn't so much lazy notletting just seems a bit removed from it. My DH tried to initiate a convrsation about the new baby while they were out fishing and just got very very little by way of a response.

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notlettingthefearshow · 01/10/2011 23:07

That's a good idea buying them useful Xmas/new baby presents. You could also say you bought something on 2 for 1 in the sale, or perhaps go baby shopping together or invite her out with a mother and baby group to see if she picks up a few things, without being too patronising of course.

I still think it's a shame the father isn't getting very involved. Why do you think that is? Is he happy about having another child? (Sorry, I am probably reading too much into it / going astray!) It's not really fair to give the mother the full responsibility of parenthood - it should be shared, and as the experience parent he should have no problems rising to the challenge.

Anyway I think you are right to be concerned, but hopefully your fears will be proven wrong and they will manage fine.

Original poster

LikeACandleButNotQuite · 01/10/2011 23:10

I dont know, notletting he's hard to read, has the charisma of a new puppy, always smiling and lively, so it is odd that he's not more enthusiastic? Thanks for all the advice, will take it all on board.

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Firawla · 01/10/2011 23:14

oh yeh thats a good idea buy it as a present

Northernlurker · 01/10/2011 23:31

Sleeping bags are not obligatory - nor is following SIDS guidelines - we may not like it but it is up to her if she doesn't want to do that. The guidelines indicate what may increase risk not what will actually do harm iyswim.

The midwife thing is different though - she should be seen by somebody to at least check what way up baby is. If it's breech that's one thing - can be born vaginally. A transverse lie is quite another matter.

gallicgirl · 01/10/2011 23:33

Is she still booked in at the same hospital or has she moved far enough that hse would be in a different hospital? Wouldn't the MW have to make sure she's booked into right place?

I'm a bit concerned that she's not had bp checked. No telling if she has pre-eclampsia or if baby is breech!

PotPourri · 01/10/2011 23:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Northernlurker · 01/10/2011 23:37

Are you sure there is no problem with the relationship and/or her metal state? An unwillingness to seek midwife care is very unusual imo.

feelingratheroverwhelmed · 02/10/2011 10:50

When I first read the OP yesterday the seriousness of not having seen the MW didn't really hit me! So she has no idea if the baby is breech / head down? Or if her BP is OK? OP when she moved did she move out of their area so they will no longer chase her up? I know round here you unfortunately have to chase the MW's so they may not have been very proactive trying to link her back in to the service.

I hope your MIL and other SIL can talk some sense into her, she is playing a really dangerous game here, silly woman.

Amylou23 · 02/10/2011 12:42

I wouldn't be too worried bout the duvet though, as I live in Denmark( i married a dane but am brittish) and oveer here it is normal for a newborn to slep with a duvet, and they come to no harm from it. :)

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 02/10/2011 15:47

Agree with NorthernLurker, it's very weird to not go to the midwife appointments, is it possible that she just doesn't understand the sort of things that can go wrong?

(DS was ELCS for transverse lie, I spent the weeks leading up to it hoping not to go into labour, and trying not to think about cord prolapses...)

Is she booked into a hospital, even? Have a birth plan?

I thought I'd heard that missing lots of MW appts was a trigger for SS to become involved? maybe no-one has noticed if she moved area though.

HarderToKidnap · 02/10/2011 18:06

If she just pitches up at hospital in labour having not seen a midwife for a long time, they will probably inform social services/safeguarding team.

BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 02/10/2011 19:55

Maybe best not to tell SIL that, then, in case she decides to give birth in the loo at home! All very odd...

toddlerama · 02/10/2011 20:05

You don't think there might be some other reason she doesn't want to see medical professionals? Is there any chance she's hiding something else?

Northernlurker · 02/10/2011 20:43

I agree - very good chance the child protection team will at least be contacted. (rightly so imo - this is odd.)

Original poster

LikeACandleButNotQuite · 02/10/2011 22:33

Well, an update. I saw MIL this evening, and said I was concerned that 1. SIL has not been going to MW and 2. she has not registered where she is now living.

MIL agreed about the not registering, said "I told her about it weeks ago and just assumed she'd done it".

She also has told me though that SIL had a scare on Fri and went to her local hospital, who have reprimanded her for not registering as they need to book her a bed. MIL said "well, they're hardy going to turn her away if she goes into labour?"

Scare was a panic attack, and they checked her over, said she wasn't in labour and sent her home. I asked MIL if they checked the babies position, in case it was not head down and she said "well, they must have, and must be OK as they've sent her home".

Grrrrr....the apple never falls fr frm the tree

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Original poster

LikeACandleButNotQuite · 02/10/2011 22:35

Sorry, DH just walked in so posted quickly and haven't spell checked.

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ChippingIn · 04/10/2011 21:23

You are right - apples & trees... well, I don't suppose there's much else you can do except drop in the odd comment where/when you can.

I doubt that SS would be interested in someone not attending pre-natal care.

Original poster

LikeACandleButNotQuite · 04/10/2011 21:42

She has had her first appointement with her new local MW this evening, to whihc I texted "you be on your best behaviour now!!" with a wink.

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Redbluegreen · 04/10/2011 21:58

You sound like the sort of person who likes to do all the research, knows the babies name before you're even pregnant, loves choosing buggies, etc. Your SIL sounds like...me! I just wasn't bothered about different baby products, didn't know what I'd need til it arrived, wasn't certain I'd even like the baby (it must have been ok, we're on number three now ), and found conversations with people giving birth at a similar time to me unutterably dull when they wanted to talk about which nappies to use and whether to stock up on formula just in case.

I have to admit to a certain amount of piss taking where I pretended to know even less than I did so as to avoid having to discuss pushchairs or whatever. But it all worked out ok, I learned a lot quickly, the shops were open even after the baby arrived (which is something new parents seem to forget!), and I manged to avoid the boring 'baby kit' discussions for as long as possible.

It sounds like you just have different attitudes to the whole thing, and as long as she's happy, leave her to it.

Redbluegreen · 04/10/2011 21:59

That reads like I was being rude about your way of doing things, sorry, didn't mean it to come across like that! Your way is probably better, but her way isn't awful either...

Original poster

LikeACandleButNotQuite · 04/10/2011 22:57

Dont worry Red I didnt read it as you being rude, you are very right in that different people do things differently and each to their own. TBH though, she seemed keener than me, announced at week 3, knew names by a week later, had cot pushchair and all sorts sorted by 20 week scan, has a bout a hundred packs of newborn nappies, think that was what made it more of a surprise that health and raising the baby wise she seemed a lot less organised.

TBH materially speaking Im with you, as long as I have enough bits to get me through the stay in hospital, everything else can wait. Actually learning stuff like safety matters and health concerns seems so much more important to me, which I suppose is why I was surprised that she wasn't really fussed.

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