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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

WTF?! Outspoken comments on your pregnant body

53 replies

user59457812 · 05/09/2011 13:30

So, one of the cleaners at work just came up to me, pointed at my arse and said 'hey, you got fat!'.

I was a bit dumb struck, then she said, 'well you are pregnant aren't you?'. I'm only 11.5 weeks and we have told no one at all, I'm not even showing (apart from a bit of tummy bloating when I have bad gas, but you know). At last weigh in I had put on 1kg since pre-pregnancy so I've hardly ballooned. When I asked her how she knew she said, 'I'm a mother, eh? Anyway, I don't know why you're upset - you're pregnant, you are going to get REALLY FAT so you'd better get used to it'. Erm, thanks!

So, what was your best/worst personal pregnancy remark? Any witty comebacks?

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kenobi · 06/09/2011 09:37

"I don't see why it's such a big deal for someone to comment on the obvious - especially when it's obviously due to pregnancy"

I think it's because it's
a) culturally inappropriate - socially we just don't comment on other people's bodies to their faces (behind their backs, and in Heat magazine yes!)
b) it makes people feel bad, which is also culturally inappropriate. Most women have hang-ups about their figure, why harp on about it?
and c) it's boring. Really, really boring. Yes, I've put on weight, yes I'm pregnant. Can we talk about something else now?

LadyClariceCannockMonty · 06/09/2011 12:55

Well said, kenobi! No one would go up to someone who was just fat and say, 'Blimey, aren't you fat?' and yet it's OK to say it to a pregnant woman.

Original poster

user59457812 · 06/09/2011 13:23

I'm obviously not the only one to have attracted the fat comment! Bring on the bump grabbing/size remarks and boy/girl predictions too...ahem...

I'm not one who's worried about pregnancy weight gain, I know it's a vital part of it all and I'm really looking forward to getting a full-on bump.

Perhaps I wouldn't haven minded so much but (1) we haven't told anyone yet so it was a bit of a shock (2) I actually haven't put on much weight at all yet so it was a bit gob smacking to be called 'fat' to my face and (3) she pointed at my bum not my tummy when she said it - somehow much more personal as at least there is a good reason my tummy sometimes looks a bit fatter! She is actually a very nice woman and I think she meant it as a compliment of sorts, like 'hey your body is changing already!', but it knocked the stuffing out of me a bit for the day...and I'm never wearing that dress again

I agree with Kenobi, if she'd got it wrong and I had just eaten too many pies recently it would have been considered offensive, rather than par for the course.

Word has obviously got round as another one of the staff was literally staring at my stomach today, but she thought better of saying anything...just as well as I had the 'big mac' comment all ready to go

OP posts:

SchrodingersMew · 06/09/2011 13:42

When I was about 20 weeks my FIL said to me that soon they'd have to get measured for new doorways and made a dumbo comment....

I'm now 35+3 and have only put on just under 1st.

AppleyEverAfter · 06/09/2011 14:38

At about 6 months gone I got from a guy at work 'About half a stone of that is a baby, so what's the rest?'. He was being semi-serious and we do have a laugh together normally, and chat about diets and stuff, but I still told him to fuck off. Another fella at work kept saying how small my bump was, in comparison to his wife's. Well I'm not your bloody wife am I?

It's really insulting for people to say whether you look big or small, and even more so when you're a hormonal, swollen, pregnant woman! When will people learn?! Sometimes I think they just want to talk about the weight because they think you're enjoying the attention or something. Not the case with me. And there are loads of other nice comments people can make like asking when you're due, are you ready, do you know the sex etc. Why go straight in with a fat question? Grrrr!

hawthers · 06/09/2011 14:42

on the other hand i was told i was looking blooming today. have taken that as a compliment and that is the way its going to stay.

OiMissus · 06/09/2011 14:55

I've been very lucky so far - reading your comments. I'm 38yo and I'm 27 weeks in, have put on just over a stone. My bump is fair-sized, and is comparable to my huge bum and breasts. But I haven't had any bad comments. People at work are all saying how great I look and how well I've done. (it's lovely!)
One niece was disappointed at the size of my bump - not big enough for her, the next week it wasn't hard enough for her, and she wanted me to prod the bump to make the baby kick. She got very short shrift from my over-sensitive pregnancy hormones! It felt like I was being criticised for not being adequate in the baby-growing department. I almost cried in the car on the way home! Ridiculous!!!! Grrrr!

OiMissus · 06/09/2011 14:56

p.s. I should state that I don't look great at all. I look like a woman who is 27 weeks pregnant with a huge arse!

OiMissus · 06/09/2011 14:58

p.p.s not pregnant with an arse. Pregnant with a baby, and pregnant with DH - who loves me, bump and arse. :)

TooImmature2BDumbledore · 06/09/2011 15:28

It wasn't exactly bump-related, but I was talking to my sister and close friend about a hen party 4 months after baby was due and saying I would be a lightweight as wouldn't have drunk for so long between pregnancy and BF. Friend turns round and goes oh no, you'll still have a huge big flabby tummy to absorb the alcohol! I was gobsmacked - I told her to fuck off but I still don't think she actually got how upset I was.

TooImmature2BDumbledore · 06/09/2011 15:29

I mean, I was still pg when this conversation took place! I don't mean that it actually was 4 months later and I hadn't lost the tummy.

Engelsmeisje · 06/09/2011 17:48

This is exactly the thread I need to read today. I'm 34w and am soooooo fed up with people telling me how big I am: I'm really not - I've only put on a stone and it's all on my bump and boobs. But, yes I am probably having quite a big baby (my husband is 6"5) and yes, I'm sure it's not twins.

Also getting freaked out by all these people telling me how much I've dropped (the baby can't come yet - the nursery's not ready!) . There are 150 teachers in my school plus support staff and I'm avoiding the staffroom until the start of my maternity leave as I'm so fed up of comments every time I show my face!

I know that people are just showing an interest (and perhaps there is an element of pregnancy hormones) but I wish that everyone would just leave me alone!

annekins · 06/09/2011 20:15

Having worn a fairly figure and bump hugging dress and leggings combo today, i started off feeling self conscious about showing off my 24 week bump, but actually it was really nice, and I felt proud of the little Pickle growing in my belly......

...until we had a discussion in the team about adjustments that had to be made to some of duties as I've struggling with the stairs (hip pain) to get to the front desk, and some of our clients are not all that well behaved, to which the new member of our team (by new 3 months or so) said 'oh I guess you're too big to see your feet already..wow you must be having a big baby...my wife wasn't that big until she nearly popped.'

I shall not be talking to said person for a while except for actual work stuff, as I could make many many comments about their lack of hair or dumbass beard but I won't..you know why..cos I hardly fecking know you to make such personal comments plus it's fecking rude!

All better now

Beesok · 06/09/2011 20:29

Well, on the other hand it's just as bad when people make comments on how small you are! I'm 34 wks and have put on 8kgs so far which, according to my MW and drs is perfectly fine and my bump is measuring spot on - however it's all in my bump - even my boobs haven't expanded that much and I keep hearing how small I am and am I dieting? It's not the right time to watch your weight etc - it really makes me feel bad as I don't care how much weight I put on, am eating properly including the daily twix bar :) and wouldn't even DREAM of dieting while pregnant! Why do people think they can be so judgemental and condescending?
I put a lot of effort at the gym BEFORE I got pregnant and toned up quite well while still remainig active during my pregnancy but somehow I am made to feel like a crap mother who cares about how much weight she put on rather than the health of her baby!
OK now where's my twix bar :)

Lifeissweet · 06/09/2011 21:21

I find this completely baffling. I'm 18 weeks and went back to school this week after the holidays. I have had comments from absolutely everyone - some saying: 'you're not showing much, are you?' in a disappointed way (er...sorry? Was I supposed to be bigger? Am I letting the side down?), or even more weirdly: 'You're not very big yet. You're doing very well, aren't you?' (er...doing well? How do you do well being pregnant. I'm not exactly working hard at it, it's just kind of happening? What exactly am I doing well?)

I have also had the grabbing of the bump, which is embarrassing, because, although I am actually showing (regardless of the comments) it's mainly the flab that's been pushed forwards and it's still wobbly, so they are actually grabbing handfuls of flab and not baby. It's really horrible. If it happens again, I'll wait until they turn around and grab hold of their arse. Fair game, surely?!

Leo4 · 07/09/2011 00:32

I get people saying "your face is fuller now you're pregnant! It suits you better" "you look so much healthier now your pregnant" ...so I looked unhealthy and awful before I was pregnant did I? CHEERS!

Also everyone loves to feel my bump to see what sex it is! Every person that does it says its a boy/girl for a different reason! I think its just an excuse to touch me ...and its very rude!

Beesok · 07/09/2011 00:50

I think I give off a "warning scent" hehehe no one has tried to grab my bump yet (except very close friends, mum etc who are allowed :)

LDNmummy · 07/09/2011 01:37

Is the cleaner foreign?

As someone said earlier, it is not at all offensive for comments to be made about someone's figure in other cultures, especially those where being on the larger side is not a bad thing.

My culture is like that and the older women in my family make comments like that all the time.

Coming from that background I can't see the comment as a big deal. But I can see how if it were an out of the blue thing for you, you would find it offensive.

Personally I would love a bigger bottom so actually a bit

miskatonic · 07/09/2011 13:07

I'm 27 weeks and a woman said last night that I'm huge for 'only' 6 months gone. I was wearing a non maternity size 8 dress at the time so I really can't be that big! She defintely wouldn't fit into it anyway

OiMissus · 07/09/2011 17:07

Lordy, if they are saying all this to our faces, what the hell are they saying behind our (expanding) backs?!!

LadyOfTheManor · 07/09/2011 18:04

Oh yes, my friend who I haven't seen since I was 12 weeks (am now 28) yesterday popped over for a coffee, and as I turned to the side she said;

"Wow you're massive".

Yeah thanks.

Dh is better, he "couldn't find me" in M&S because from the back I "don't look pregnant".

He still isn't getting any, but it was sweet of him all the same.

LadyOfTheManor · 07/09/2011 18:05

Oh and I'm just filling out a size 14 (weighing in at 12 stone).

marthamay · 07/09/2011 19:56

hi Everyone! I'm only just 11 weeks now with my 2dc but reading these posts makes me giggle and remember what it was like first time round. I didn't mind most comments but there is one that really sticks in my mind. I was about 8 months and my SIL was with us and someone wanted to take our picture but she turned around and said " oh no, don't take a picture, she (me) doesn't want her photo taken when she looks like this" GRRRRRRRRRR ......like what exactly dear SIL????

Actually I think most people are completely in awe of pregnant women, especially towards the end. Let's face it, we look pretty AMAZING and godess-like. I reckon people just want to connect somehow with the experience but don't have the right language to express it. I also remember feeling pretty put out when people didn't comment on how I looked.

I seem to be showing already this time around and am really dreading the next meet up with all the in-laws becuase I know the 'fat' and 'big' talk and the flab squeezing is going to begin.....

OiMissus · 08/09/2011 09:55

Ha ha ha lady, my DH is as sweet -and as unfulfilled - as yours!

OiMissus · 08/09/2011 09:57

and martha I think you are right, a lot of people are in awe of pregnant ladies, and want to connect - and it is lovely. And then there are those few women who somehow feel threatened/envious and have to make seemingly snide comments. But we are a bit amazing, so it doesn't really matter. :)

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