hospital bag and birth plan question

[nunnie]

my DS was born at 36+3 luckily excitement or intuition not sure which had made me pack my bag a week before and prepare his room the day before.

This time DS is only 10 month old and I have a 4 year old DD and I am struggling to motivate myself in fact just the thought of preparing myself for this arrival fills me with dread to the point where I could just cry.

Anyway I am 35+4 and I haven't even bought nappies or breastpads. I really don't know what is wrong with me, I feel like if I prepare then I am accepting this baby could come at any point but I am physically and mentally not ready for it to come I am petrfied of the birth that it may bring (VB with 1st and EMCS with 2nd). I am terrified of having 2 under 1 and a 4 year old.

Anyway can someone slap me please and tell me to get packing!

Also with DS I had an EMCS which had to be done under GA as there was a spinal block issue. I was woken groggy etc and asked how I wished to feed and at the time I couldn't bring myself to breastfeed had real problems with DD that played a significant part in PND. So I asked for FF which I regret a little but not sure I could have coped mentally with coming to terms with the whole birth and trying and possibly failing at BF.
Anyway to I add a bit in my birth plan that if the same is to arise and I am knocked out again for whatever reason that I would prefer the baby to be FF rather than waiting the 40 minutes for me to come round to ask?

hi nunnie.
Get packing! If your DS came early the there is a good chance that this one might too and not being packed will be a pain in the ass inconvenience.
I have to say I've found it much harder to think about getting organised for this one. Everyone around me seems so much less interested (including DH) so I'm struggling.
As far as the birth plan is concerned if you have decided to ff then yes, just put it into your birth plan. I can sympathyse there too as DS was born by emcs and I wasn't given skin to skin or encouraged to feed until about an hour after he was born. (I wanted to bf but hadn't slept in 3 days, lots of drugs though still conscience made it difficult to express myself) Any way we struggled and by 4 weeks I was told by miswife to top up with ff.
I felt like such a complete and utter failure (like because I hadn't delivered naturally I had to bf otherwise I was a complete failure as a mother and female in general!)
I am going to try bf (and VBAC) again but am very nervous of repeat senario and how it will effect me emotionally. It took months to get over with DS.
Any way, good luck and go pack - I bet you'll feel better once you've done it!

Oh gosh, poor you! I know I'd be scared if I had had your experiences and had to look after two little ones as well as the new arrival, so don't beat your self up for feeling the way you do. I would do the practical things like adding bits to your birth plan and packing as you'll probably find that those things are better faced than letting them be mental blocks- you don't want to treat them as symbols of everything you're worried about as in reality they're not going to bring things on, and not getting these things done will only mean faffing about in a rush later.

You do sound like you need to talk to someone. Can you let your dp share some of this with you? If not, then perhaps a sister, a friend, your mum? If you're persistently down and worried then talk to your midwife. You need support from someone certainly. Do remember that looking after yourself is the way you will be most able to look after your babies.

Good luck.

Thank you for al the advice, have placed an order to get some bits delivered tomorrow, so hopefully when they get here I will get that surge of excitement again.

I do have a DH but I am not the type to discuss my feelings with anyone, I can write them down and let people who don't know me read my intimate thoughts, but when it comes to real life I close off, I have always been the same sadly.

I had a few issues as a child which led to me getting so down and unhappy that I tried to take my life (looking back as an adult now was definatly I want to tell you all something but I don't know how cry for help), I also suffered from an eating disorder in my late teens. I just bottle and can't release. Sometimes to be honest just writing or venting on here helps, so I do waffle on a lot (which I am sure you have noticed now if still reading).

Hey - just wanted to second what Whizzy has said and suggest you speak to someone. Although this is my first baby so I'm not in your exact position, I do seem to have a similar background to you and it is definitely having an impact on my pregnancy. I have been quite open with my midwife which has helped. But in the past when I have had similar big changes in my life I have spoken to either counselors (through the GP) and therapists (privately) and I can't tell you just how much of a massive help it has been to me. And even though you are seeing them in rl, there is a big element of anonymity which works for me.

In the meantime, get packing!! And hopefully your delivery will arrive tomorrow. As you say, that should give you a little boost of excitement.

(I am simultaneously giving myself a kick up the bum to get packing too - I am 36 + 5 and my hospital bag is still not packed either!!!)