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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Anyone splitting maternity leave with their partner?

28 replies

Tintini · 19/08/2011 11:53

Just wondered how many of you are planning to split maternity leave with your partner. I'm aiming to take 9 months then DP to take the remaining 3. Everyone I talk to about this makes lots of 'oh yes that sounds very good' noises (especially my employer!), but despite the huge number of pregnant ladies I seem to know, none of them are planning to split the leave at all (usually mum is taking the full year). Do you think it's financial pressures, the mother wanting the full year, or the father not wanting to take the time (or I guess could be a combination of course...)? The couple of men I know with pregnant partners have said they haven't even considered/discussed it. Are we that unusual?

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stripeybump · 19/08/2011 11:55

Is that legally possible now?? Would def be of interest to us if so, but I managed to miss that!

Original poster

Tintini · 19/08/2011 12:03

Yes, for babies born from April this year. The partner can't take the leave before 6 months, so no-one will have actually done it yet as the earliest lot of partners taking over will be in October. I reckon it can only be a good thing. My partner's very very excited about it.

OP posts:

stripeybump · 19/08/2011 12:08

I have to go back to work for 6 weeks to hand in my notice (am teacher) and am dreading it as baby will only be 5.5 months. Could DH then take those 6 weeks as leave?

Mind you, we need his salary so a bit of a moot point if it's the same statutory as for women maybe we could do a couple of weeks if there's flexibility, a couple as holiday and he could work from home for the other 2... hmmm.

Original poster

Tintini · 19/08/2011 12:17

Hi, here's some info:

www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/Moneyandworkentitlements/WorkAndFamilies/Paternityrightsintheworkplace/DG_190788

The SMP just gets transferred to the dad. I think the thing you can't do it take a bit at a time - so mum takes 6 months, dad takes a month, mum takes 2 months etc.

Do you really have to go back to work to hand in your notice? I thought that since you were still employed when on mat leave, you can just hand your notice in 'from home' as it were.

OP posts:

nannyl · 19/08/2011 12:18

My sister is not pregnant (and not planning to be for a few years either) But as the main wage earner in her household, where she earns a significant London salary, (but only gets statatory maternity pay) i know she was delighted when it was announced.

I think it is their plan (when the time comes) to donate some of her maternity leave to her partner... simply because of the financial reasons.

crazyhead · 19/08/2011 12:32

we're planning for OH to take a month at least while I take 11 months (and that's what I've put in for at work). We may try and extend his bit a little longer - he definitely wants to use the new provision.

We also plan for both of us to go for reduced hours after maternity/paternity leave

cat64 · 19/08/2011 12:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

stripeybump · 19/08/2011 12:46

Tin - am a teacher and we get relatively good maternity pay, more than is statutory. However the caveat is that we have to return to work for at least 13 weeks otherwise have to pay back the extra maternity pay. I am returning for 6, + 7 which are summer hols so am doing quite well out of it! Also I will be back on full pay for June, July and Aug for working essentially 6 weeks so I'm doing alright out of it.

Thanks for the info though, we thought we'd been really anal about looking into all the options but somehow managed to miss this! Will take a look with DH when he gets back from work. Cheers!

mashpot · 19/08/2011 18:13

I'm planning the same OP, taking 9 months and my partner taking the last 3. He hasn't discussed this with his work yet however...

I'm the main breadwinner so makes sense for us.

wearenotinkansas · 19/08/2011 18:41

we've talked about it if I get a job to go back to - as in theory I should be earning more than DP. He is keen at the mo - not sure if he will be in reality.

Would have loved this if I was still with my old employer though and definitely would have done it.

MissTriangle · 19/08/2011 18:45

We talked about it, OH was keen to do it if possible... But we don't think it would be right for him to take time off career wise. So I am hoping to take the full year off, which means no money at all for the last 3 months coming in from my wage.
OH is coming up to the end of his contract and we are hoping for it to be renewed - so think it better for him to stay working. X

Penelope1980 · 20/08/2011 07:46

DH and I are taking 6 months each. I am hoping that baby isn't too late though (am due late Sept) as it's 6 months off work total, so if he's late he could be as young as 4 1/2 months when I go back.

My only concern is regarding breast feeding, as it probably won't be feasible to do it after a few months. Apart from that both DH and I are really happy about the plan, especially as our jobs are equally important to us. Also, I like that the worker will (hopefully) always understand what the one at home is going through and vice versa, which we hope will minimise the squabbles and misunderstandings some couples have about how hard it is to be at home/at work with a small baby.

I live in NZ where it's been legal for a wee while though, so more common. Still not the norm by any stretch, but I have had a couple of friends that have done it and they've said it's been positive as neither party feels like they're missing out on work/baby.

HidingInTheUndergrowth · 20/08/2011 10:58

Our current plan in for me to take 6 months and then dp to take 3, more if we can afford it. We will then both work part time. It is really important to me that we both take equal care and have equal involvement with our baby as much as is possible and we are lucky that we both work in very open and flexible jobs, also that we just about earn enough to be able to afford it if we are careful.

If my last pregnancy had not ended in a mc we would have aimed for something similar but with dp having to take unpaid leave. So this change in the law is a real bonus for us as at least it will be a little bit of money coming in.

NorthernChinchilla · 20/08/2011 20:50

We're definitely doing this, and were delighted when it came in.
For us it's a matter of necessity, but also suits me as someone who enjoys work.

I'm the main earner, and we also have a major, major change coming up at work in May. Baby due in December, so I'm taking December to middle of April inclusive as maternity, and then handing the rest over to my partner. Only issue is that the child has to be 20 wks, and as ours may only be about 16 wks, my OH may have to stick a bit of (paid and unpaid) leave on the beginning of his. He'll then take that time plus the 26 weeks of leave, paid.

It'll then be up to my partner whether he wants to continue being full time carer, go part time, or run screaming back to work! Whichever way, financially, we'll manage.

It's great- the care will be shared between us, we'll have enough money coming in, and baby gets full parental care for 10 months. We don't have any family who can help out whatsoever, owing to age, geography and disability, so this is great for us...and absolutely a step in the right direction as a social/political issue too.

TooImmature2BDumbledore · 20/08/2011 22:10

DH would adore to do this - he says his ideal job would be house-husband. However, we're not sure if we can afford for either of us to take the full year (we earn very similar amounts, so it's a moot point as to which of us stays home). We're still considering options and working on the basis that I will take 9 months (until the SMP runs out). I want to breastfeed so that's a factor too. DH is currently applying for a promotion, so if he gets that then he will have to stay at work as his salary will get a nice hike!

TransatlanticCityGirl · 21/08/2011 12:24

DH is keen, in fact he'd love to be a stay at home Dad. However he has just started a new job (big promotion) and we are not sure how wise it would be for his career right now as they have really given him a great opportunity. I am taking 7 months and he might take 1 month.

theidsalright · 21/08/2011 14:18

not viable for us as DH is self-employed but my first thought was "no way, hands off my mat leave!" even though I am the primary bread winner.

Being off on mat leave is fantastic after the first few difficult weeks and I am very selfish and want it all for myself!

WhiteRoses · 21/08/2011 14:28

Hi,

I haven't had time to read through all the posts and amn't sure if it's already been mentioned, but there's a thing called "Parental Leave" too... You can find out all about it on the Directgov website. Basically, each parent is entitled to take off 13 weeks before the child's fifth birthday, in order to spend time with the child. It's unpaid but you do continue earning holidays throughout it - very similar to the last 3mths of maternity leave. it can be used to extend maternity/paternity leave - eg. I've taken 52wks mat leave, then 6wks parental leave, so, once holidays are added on, I've got about a year and a half off work.

urbandaisy · 21/08/2011 22:03

We're definitely doing this. I'm taking six months from next week (when I'll be 38 weeks pregnant) and then my husband is taking the second 3-6 months. His employer is fine with it (as they bloody should be) and he's really excited.

I'm a bit jealous that he'll get spring/summer and such an interesting developmental age, but (a) this works better for us financially and (b) it's really only fair that we split the leave if he wants to; he's one of the baby's parents too.

I'm aiming to continue breastfeeding to some degree until the baby is around a year old; whether by pumping at work (workplaces are required to provide a place for this) or by mixed feeding (breastfeeding morning and night, formula during the day) we'll have to wait and see.

Grumpla · 21/08/2011 22:04

I'm very jealous! My DH is self-employed, gutted that there is no equivalent to MA for partners who aren't employed

Ellypoo · 22/08/2011 13:06

I'm with Grumpla! Am only taking 5 months mat leave, so would be fab if DH could take a couple of months after that, but he's self-employed so it just can't be done.
In fairness, I've got all on to try to get him to have any time off/away from work as soon as the baby arrives, but i'm sure he'll change his mind when baby is here!!!

nannyl · 22/08/2011 13:27

that does seem very very unfair.

surely there should be a system to allow a self employed daddy to have the £128 a weeks "maternity" allowance if mummy wants to go back to work earlier than she has to.

nightowlmostly · 22/08/2011 13:33

We are planning to share as I earn more, we were going to do it 6 months each until I figured out that if I stay off till after Xmas I will take 9 and he can have the last 3! He will be going part time after that, so it makes sense for him to get some time being full time dad first!

twinklytroll · 22/08/2011 13:39

We are looking into this if we are lucky enough to have a baby. I am a teacher but am the main wage earner so can only afford to take 18 weeks of maternity leave at the absolute maximum.

dizzy77 · 22/08/2011 14:04

I'm working on this, working on 9+3 - DH is positive but anxious about all the things that worry ladies (well, me) when considering taking time off for children: what will my boss say, is it worth training someone to cover for a short time, what if they find they can manage without me - will there be a job to come back to etc. I think his boss will be supportive if DH stops putting blockers in the way of his consideration - she became a grandmother a year ago and would love her son to be able to spend more time with their baby.

It's up to DH - I don't want to rush back to work and we can just about stretch so I can take the full year (the last 3 months of my leave are unpaid) but would love him to spend time full time with DS and he would too - urbandaisy you're quite right, he's his parent too. Timings would coincide (I hope) with weaning etc so a great developmental stage for DH to take control of if I can flipping well let go.

Reality feels slightly stranger now DS is 12 weeks old and I am very settled into the mummy meets social scene with groups at the children's centre, NCT catch ups, buggyfit etc: there are NO MEN at all at these and as quite an introverted soul I do wonder what DH will do all day. Culturally, it is a great step forward, just not sure my DH really wants to be at the vanguard of this!

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