Irrationally terrified

[InnocentRedhead]

... And I don't know why.

Back story: I am currently 13+3 (from my scan) but i have a feeling I am 12+4 (from my dates). Baby planned (but weren't religiously trying, just seeing how it went). Anyway, up until now, I have being feeling fabulous about being pregnant, no scared feelings, an easy first trimester and just generally looking forward to everything that is to come. Seeing the baby on the scan last week was fantastic and confirmed everything I knew (that we were having a baby). I never didn't believe I was pregnant if you get what i mean.

Now, about 2 days ago i started becoming a little bit scared, and now i am TERRIFIED! I do not know why, or what of, but i am just terrified. I don't know if it is the pregnancy, or the birth or the prospect of a child, but I am scared of something. I am not having second thoughts about the pregnancy, but I am in a way, if you understand. Please help me understand this, i just don't understand why i feel like this

I think being worried in pregnancy is very normal. About how your life will change, will you be able to look after a baby, etc.

Have you tried sitting down by yourself and concentrating on what is scaring you? It may help to speak to your partner about the fears to try to come to the bottom of it?

You could also try to talk to your MW, or GP?

Sorry I am of no real help :(

Hi

I think what you are feeling is quite normal - having a baby is a massive life change and even though it is something really positive, that doesn't stop you from having a bit of a freak out moment (or moments!!) when the realisation hits you. I think sometimes we think people expect us to be constantly over the moon about it, but sometimes it isn't quite that easy is it?

I felt like you quite early on in my pregnancy (currently 35 weeks) but generally I feel much better now. It helped me to read up lots about pregnancy (to get excited about how my baby is developing) and about what to expect in the first few weeks and months (I like to be armed with information!!). Also talk to people - do any of your friends have young children/babies? I bet they felt the same at some point as you do now, and just knowing that can help. Oh and talk to your DP too - he might be feeling the same and you can support each other.

Congratulations by the way!

Hi innocent I'm on the Feb thread with you and am similarly terrified. Constantly surprised at the next thing that happens to me, and although nicely supported by DH, he's not finding it as real as I am because nothing's happened to him yet, IYKWIM (apart from being ignored by midwives at each and every pre-natal appointment we go to). I'm sure the suggestions above are great - I'm certainly going to try them - but if all else fails you are welcome to come and hide behind my sofa with me x

I was terrified. I think it's a natural response to the change in circumstances, also the feeling of can't-go-back!

When I began to feel like this I began to inform myself - read every book/article I could find about pregnancy, childcare, childbirth. I began to feel more in control, with information at my fingertips.

I appreciate that this feeling may seem more irrational than something than can be cured by reading. But you might want to give it a try. It certainly worked for me.

Is this your first child or have you felt like this before?
I ahve 2 both very much planned and wanted children, obsessed over ovulation and early pregnancy testing both times, and yet both times I was hit by a "What have I done?" wobbly feeling. I even had awful thoughts about abortion, NOT seriously, but in the same way you have thoughts about jumping off a cliff when you're at the top iyswim. I was not depressed and continued to be happy but as others have said I think it's this massive life change that makes these thoughts creep into your head.

yes, can't go back - that's it exactly. Until you get the positive test you can always decide that actually you don't want a baby after all!

I think its sunk in that its true, now you've had the scan. Doesn't mean you're not happy but its such a massive change to your life and there are so many new feelings, practicalities etc to consider. I was extremely anxious and it 'hid' my happiness for a while but it got better as I gained confidence and my head adapted to the hugeness of it all.

I felt the same, and blocked out the terror. Eventually worked with a coach (provided by work) to explore what was really going on: turned out making a list of all the things that were worrying me (the birth, the responsibility, being the best mum I can be, life change, relationship with DH, can I manage, financial impact of mat leave etc) was a really helpful way of naming them and discussing them (gently) with DH and others who could help. A bit like the bogeyman in the night, sometimes bringing the fears into the daylight helps reduce their power. I don't think you need a coach to do this - if it helps you to talk, ask a friend to act as a sounding board: literally listening and encouraging, not offering advice to solve the issues.

Yep, also scared. I think it's normal as everything will change and involve a whole heap of responsibility. We are largely facing the unknown- we don't even know how it will affect our own personalities.

I'm scared about all sorts but the thing that keeps things in perspective for me is feeling my baby move. It may be painful and change everything about my life but I love this child already so will face the fear, for him.

I'm 29+5 and this was also a planned and much wanted baby, but we got pregnant within about 6 weeks of starting to try. I spent the 1st 4 months in shock that I was actually pregnant- I had expected a bit longer trying to get used to the idea I think. I'm still pretty scared now, everyone else is getting excited now that there isn't too much longer to go but I'm just plain scared. I have narrowed it down to feeling like I'm going to loose myself and everything I've worked towards (I'm a horse rider and a self employed complimentary therapist).
So no you are not alone and yes I think to some degree most people have a wibble at some point. Big hugs from me and my bump.

so glad i found this thread! i've been feeling sickly stressed for the last couple of weeks and couldn't identify exactly why. i'm 26 weeks with a planned and wanted baby but suddenly the feeling of not feeling in control of my life has hit me. it's good to know it's a normal feeling. a huge lifestyle change is ahead of me, i'm giving up a secure job, i'm scared my relationship with OH will be affected and i just feel so sick with fear! I will take the advice here and make a list of what might be causing these feelings then i might feel more in control. you're not alone OP! xxx