Sick of negatives! Newbie ...

[Bella2011]

Hi everyone,

So you can thank Matthew wright for one thing: if it wasn't for him, I (and I'm sure many others) wouldn't have heard of mumsnet, so he's a good advert!

Anyway, I can't really talk to friends / family, even my fiance, about how I really feel after TTC for 6 months. I am 33 and I know it can take on average up to 12 months to conceive at my age ... I guess I just always imagined it would happen straight away. (Isn't it funny how everyone you ask always seems to have conceived the 'first month of trying'!).

I am so sick of negative tests. I am convinced I have low progesterone as I spot for up to 7 days before my actual period starts. I still don't really know whether CD1 is the first day of spotting or actual bleeding, (everyone here will say bleeding but my doc and nurses I've mentioned it to say spotting); my cycles are between 32 and 40 days. My temp is up for about 12 days after ovulation so is my luteal phase too short? I find sex very painful and we usually use the syringe method - god knows if this even works or not. (I do have 2 friends who used this method successfuly for various reasons). Have mentioned painful sex to 4 doctors and got looks of amusement and 'Oh! Just relax' type of answers.

I also have a tilted uterus and a septum in my uterus, (which I am told shouldn't be a problem, it isn't too bad and doesn't seperate my uterus in 2).

I am anxious about my age (34 in Decemeber) and every month (well 40 days!) when I get the dreaded spotting, which inexorably leads to my period, I am getting more and more worried about everything.

I feel better now I have blurted everything out, thanks you counsellors for listening! I am happy to have finally joined this forum! :)

I remember that feeling well - I am 35 and pg after 10 months of ttc. It feels like forever at the time, and we didn't even tell anyone because like you say, it seems to happen to other super fertile friends so quickly! I also didn't want lots of personal questions and advice.

I wouldn't say don't worry, because it is normal and it's your right to feel disappointed with every negative pg test (I was). I did ovulation tests for 2 months which indicated that I wasn't ovulating (how freaked out was I!), and my periods slowed down to a 40 day cycle - but then I got pregnant. I can only imagine it was stress!

I think the good thing about it taking a while is that it does make you think 'what if ...?' and you may discuss with your partner what you would do if you don't conceive. I personally found this really helpful, as there are lots of options, and it is important to be honest with each other about what you want in that situation. And when you do conceive, as I hope you will, you will feel unbelievably lucky.

Good luck, and don't feel alone! I'm sure more of your friends have been there than you realise. x

Oh! (((HUGS)))
Seriously, find yourself a better GP practice that takes the pain you have during sex seriously. That's just not good practice.
Also, ask tell them to refer you to a gynea. They will rule anything out for you. Irregular cycles can be 'normal' but can also be indicators of other things happening.

I'm 30 was ttc for 11 months, with periods varying from 27 days to 54...so I feel your frustration there.. mainly because I'd been on depo/mini pill for so long. Was told it could take anything up to 18 months for my body to get back in the swing of things.

Thankfully I'd previously undergone a barrage of gynea tests and logically knew there was nowt 'wrong', and I found that very comforting. Am now 14wks.

Please do go and push the issue, especially about the painful sex. Whilst they may be right, relaxing about the whole thing does help a lot, there are things you can do, so do them.

Yeah I would push a bit at the doctors too I had pain during sex for a few years turned out to be a simple bacteria infection god I put up with that for so long cant believe its finally gone got pain in lower tummy too. Lot diffrennt reasons I know a few peopel who test with ovulaton sticks now up to 4 times a day cause they dont get a result testing just one time also know people who had reflexology who had trouble and know people (me) undiagnosed thyroid problem. So lots of reason sure you know all this thou. My sister took 11 months with her first then it happened straight away with second she simular age to you. My freinds took about 5 months each.

Thanks very much for your kind replies; there are so many things health related which could cause problems, so it's frustrating that Doctors won't do anything for about a year, even if you suspect something could be wrong. It wouldn't be so bad but at my age you start to hear the body clock ticking!

Thanks again everyone :)

don't give up - I was convinced that I wasn't going to get pregnant due to PCOS symptoms and irregular cycles of up to 45 days. After 9 months of trying I got pregnant and now I'm 30 weeks and manically online shopping in preparation.!I know its infuriating but just keep trying.

Hi ya.
No real advice but just my experience.

We were TTC for over two years. I had very irregular cycles (28-54days). Sex was sometimes painful but that was due to a sensitive cervix. I eventually had an op' to sort out the cervix and five months later a flush out where they found I had a "slow" tube. That was the November. I was pregnant in the April. Had i not conceived by the November i was going to start clomid. Sadly I miscarried (blighted ovum). I was suffering a lot from stress so we decided to stop actively trying. TBH having sex to a schedule was straining things. So without trying, i fell pregnant again in the September. I reckon in that case, a nice relaxing holiday about the time when the little one was embedding definitely helped as well as giving up a very stressful job. I think the job was a big part of my problem and the flush out helped to kick start things. My little one arrived and has just turned one and we're expecting no.2 now.

Best wishes for you.

I would agree to go to a different GP and insist on getting properly checked - painful sex shouldn't really be something you just "put up with" if there is an underlying reason that can be treated! Also, I can imagine it doesn't help with the stress which obviously is not going to make ttc easier for you!

Honestly, I would even use a white lie and just say you have been trying for a year or longer (that way the GP won't just tell you to relax and keep trying) - get your TSH levels tested (thyroid) as well as progesterone day 21, FSH and anything else that would give a clearer picture of how your body is functioning, those are all simple blood tests.

Good luck and hope you get that BFP very soon :)

My clinic discovered that it was highly likely that I produce antibodies to my own progesterone. I was treated with steroids to dampen my immune system and additional progesterone support, via pessaries and injections. I also had heparin to thin my blood. I had ICSI and from 2 cycles, had 3 babies!
At 34, dont waste time. I'd advise seeing someone from either Care at Nottingham, Lister or ARGC, and get them to tackle all your issues. The NHS advises that women over 35 don't delay in seeking help if they've been trying for 6 months or more but that's women who DON'T have any other problems/suspicions of problems. Very very best of luck.

Bella, you've probably already done this but look up tilted uterus as this can be a cause of uncomfortable sex. The good news is that a pg can resolve it, apparently. it's a shame as it's common as being left-handed and can cause discomfort but seems to be a big taboo and hard to find info. good luck with ttc. Am successfully pg and also 33 with tilted uterus so hope that gives you hope.

Bella I am with you - 35, ttc#1 for 18months - had DH checked, i've had a scan and bloods and am going to check tubes on Monday. Its so frustrating and sad...its good to read that other people tried and tried and tried and bingo it worked! DH keeps telling me I need to relax - but people get pregnant in all sorts of stressful situations. I just think it is never going to happen for us. Thanks for an opportunity to rant and good luck.

Thanks again, your replies are very comforting and interesting. I kind of wish I had told the GP that we'd been trying for longer, but I think she's put it on record now. She didn't say much when I mentioned possible low progesterone, and I would really like to be tested for that.

I have also heard that a tilted uterus can correct itself when giving birth so that's good, and I am convinced this is the cause of painful intercourse for me. (Again Doc didn't say a lot to that).

A lot of people have said they conceived while on holiday and relaxing as well (including my mother conceiving me!) so that's interesting.

I've just got AF so I will see what happens this month and then maybe contact GP again and ask again about blood test for progesterone.

Sorry to drag this back up again! I am the original poster and thought I would just leave a quick note to anyone who may read it to say that I finally got my BFP a few days ago, after about 4 years of trying!

It was a long hard fight. We eventually did IVF and it worked first time (obviously early days yet). 2 embryos put back in so 15% chance of twins! The IVF was a 25% chance of working.

I have quite bad 'OHSS' from the IVF which has taken the shine off things but I am extremely grateful to finally be able to post something positive on here.

Don't give up to all those others on here who are sick of seeing negative tests!

Brilliant news! Huge congratulations x

I'm 38 and have a tilted uterus (it makes no difference) and it took us 13 months to get pregnant. I found it very depressing and after 10 months decided to try a new thing each month. Did acupuncture (ugh) chines herbs (ugh ugh) and hypnotherapy. Then got preg, no idea if any if that worked but it was good to have something new to feel positive about each month.

I'm 24 and took 8 months to conceive I'm now 35 weeks, I no it's not long compared to what some people have to go through but I convinced myself I was infertile after conceiving my first child extremely quickly. Good luck xx