Is this normal? Alone time with baby.

[Newmummytobe79]

Please can the experienced mums out there let me know if my feelings are normal or if I?m being over emotional? Basically we?ve nearly finished the nursery and I said to my MIL that her and FIL should come over and have a look at it but she just said it?d be easier for them to come up when I?ve finished work which is nearly a month away. They live 15 minutes away.

Also ? the following comment was that when I finish work they?d decided they?d be able to come up more in the daytime and take baby out in the pram whilst I ?get on with things? Why can?t I join them instead of being stuck in the house on my own and enjoy adult company whilst being close to my baby ? and if I?m honest I haven?t even met my baby yet so why would I want someone to take it ?off my hands? when maternity leave is so short?

I?m just struggling to understand why so many people are so keen to get my baby on its own, without me, before baby is even born!

Don't get me wrong - I may be very thankful of the time when baby arrives ? but until I know what life is like with a newborn, I?m feeling a bit pushed out.

I explained my feelings to DH and he said that people are just trying to offer help and that he?ll make sure no-one does anything to upset me ? and I?m hoping I?ll be tough enough just to put my coat on and join them ? or just say no.

Am I being daft ? or is this unusual behaviour?

I really wish I'd have had people offer to take DS for a bit when he was tiny.
I had people cook and clean for me from time to time but actually I would have really preferred a little bit of time to do those things myself.
Don't reject any offers because you might find that it's your lifesaver.

It's quite a traditional offer of help, I think. My in-laws had taken dd out in the pram before I go at chance to. This seemed a bit like them getting all the fun, but I did need the sleep. I drew the line at making time to show them how to use the pram, though, I just gave them the pamphlet and ran for my bed...

Another one here who hated not spending every minute with my newborn. He's 5 months now and I still hate the odd time grandparents take him out. What I did find helpful was relatives doing the cooking/cleaning but then that's not great for them! They were allowed a cuddle so I could have a cup of tea. .

I've got a 10 week old DS and can speak from relatively new experience on this one. I hadn't quite anticipated how having a baby would affect my relationship with my in-laws. I feel VERY pressurised and 'on-show' when I am with them and can very rarely relax. I have a very good relationship with them, but hadn't expected to feel like this. And so when they offer to take him for a walk etc, I am always a bit "no it's fine, I can cope". Which is silly, when I am flipping knackered and really could do with a break.

Having DH on side helps massively. He helps to 'guide' things and can obviously read me much better than MIL. It's their first grandchild and so they really are just over-excited and think they're doing the right thing. But to my hormone-addled brain, I always think i'm being judged.

I am sure that their intentions are sincere. Thye just forget some of the nuances. And if you're like me with you own parents, who you can easily say exactly how you're feeling. With you in-laws you're always a bit more polite when inwardly you're screaming.

If your DH is taking paternity leave, it might be worth having them over when he's there at first. You might also feel more comfortable with them taking him for a short stroll. You WILL need the rest, esp as you're breastfeeding. It's full-on. It doesn't mean you're missing anything with your LO. But even just 45 mins a couple of times a week will do you (and baby) good - baby needs you to be relaxed, calm and not exhausted (if possible).

But as others are saying, get them to help in other ways too. Perhaps ask MIL to come over and ask if she can go via the shops. If you start off like that she'll hopefully be more inclined to offer to bring food etc. And also make a BIG deal of anything that others do for you "such as such bought these amazing flapjacks over".

Oh, and I had a c-section. So simply had to get quite bossy re:chores. I had DH running around like a loon. And being a mummy's boy, MIL helped a bit too when he (rather than me) was doing stuff.

Good luck! xx

I can't speak from personal experience as expecting DC1 now but like others I think it depends what they mean by taking baby out while you get on with things.

DH and I took niece out in her pram and my sister always liked it when we did. We were never more than an hour, baby loved it but was still thrilled to see mum when we got back, we took her dog at same time and I would never have the cheek to tell her what she should do while we were gone. My sister would mostly have a nap or a bath and if she said 'i'll clean bathroom' I always said 'i'll do that for you when I'm back'.

Having said that you know inlaws and what they might mean by their comment. Taking a baby for a longer period of time is surely unrealistic because of BF if nothing else?

DD is 17mo and I still don't feel that fussed about having 'time away' from her to get on with things - she's great fun! Even as a boring little newborn, I didn't want anyone else to take her off my hands for a bit.

Definitely practise saying 'no' in a firm (but kind) tone - they obviously mean well but you don't know whether you'll want to let DC out of your sight when they're tiny :)

I have 3dds, youngest 5 months, my mum and mil like spending alone time with them. My mum does things like make up songs, rhymes, silly stories for them, I think she feels a bit scundered if I'm there If I'm there she's always asking if "its ok if she...." I also think I make her a bit nervous.

But its completely up to you, with in-laws especially I think they're terrified of saying the wrong thing, which of course they do because they are over thinking it. The most helpful thing my mum ever did for me was take in my washing when dd3 was born, well she washed dd1 and 2 clothes, couldn't have her wash my clothes, that was a step too far for me .

It took my IL's 11 months - yes 11 months - to offer to do more than push the buggy when we all (me, DH, IL's and DD) went out for a walk. At the time DD was not a good daytime sleeper and I would regularly take her for 2 hr walks so she would sleep. IL's idea of a 'walk' was a 10 min spin round the block with DD just falling asleep as we got back to the house to which they would proudly announce that she was fast asleep - only for her to wake up the minute we got back in the house. There was a reason for my 2hr walks!

An hour break for me would have been bliss at the time given that DD was very clingy - she had to be held or she would scream and would only really sleep when out in the buggy.

I'm not suggesting that your DC will be like this but really there is so much that you don't know yet about what your baby will be like and how you will be coping with being a mum that I wouldn't turn down any offers just yet. Lets face it if your IL's take the baby out for an hour you can do what you like - it doesn't have to be housework!