Words of wisdom anyone?

[tiredchocoholic]

Hello everyone. First of all, apologies if this turns into a self-pitying rant....not my intention, but I'm really struggling at the moment and have been suppressing my feelings for a while. I am 19 wks pregnant with my 3rd child. Dd is nearly 7, DS is nearly 5. Main problem is that my husband and I are trying to run a business in this blasted recession and it is soooo tough. It's one of the reasons there is a such a gap between DS and this pregnancy as we were worried about the 'time not being right'. Eventually, though, we made the decision with our hearts and not our heads. So, here I am with constant nausea (24/7...just like with my other two pregnancies, so no real surprise), insomnia, a huge amount of work-related stress....and very little support. Hubby was never very good at supporting me through the other two pregnancies - not because he is uncaring as a person, but he simply just doesn't seem to 'get it'. This time, though, he is cutting me no slack whatsoever and is so engrossed with work I don't think the pregnancy is even registering. My mum and dad think we are doing the wrong thing by having another child, so "Bump" is a taboo and I have no support there, either. I have a fab relationship with my MIL and SIL but don't feel I can really moan too much to them for obvious reasons. My best friends (those who know hubby and me best, and understand the pressures of the business etc.) are all hundreds of miles away and whilst i have lovely friends close by, I don't feel I can be 100% honest with them without appearing to 'slag off' hubby. That's not what this is about....although I can't deny that I think he is being a bit selfish. I don't really know what the answer is - do I need to toughen up, get on with it and accept I have made my bed & must lie in it, or does anyone know where I might be able to get some help with how to cope better with all of this? I am worried I am going to run myself into the ground before too long, but the worst bit is not having someone to give me a hug and let me cry on their shoulder when it all gets too much. I'd be hugely grateful for any advice. Thank you x (and apologies.....it did turn into a self-pitying rant, as I suspected it would...oops)

I think my priority would be DH. I think guys just don't get how exhausting a pregnancy is, especially in the relatively early stages when you don't have a ginormous bump to remind them all the time. You need to sit him down and explain how knackered you are and could do with a break. Work out exactly how he can best support you (either at work or at home) and ask him to do it. You say that he's not an uncaring person, so hopefully he will see what pressure you're under.

Then I'd approach MIL and SIL. Work out how they can help you out, maybe by taking the other two kids for an afternoon or whatever, and ask them. Do the same with your parents. You don't have to mention the pregnancy if you think it will cause ructions, just say that you are under pressure with work and could they help you out.

With regards to having a rant, your options do seem to be thin on the ground, but hey, that's what Mumsnet is here for!

Thanks very much, Clairefromsteps, much appreciated x

You absolutely need to be able to have a cry on DHs shoulder when you need to - thats one of the main reasons he is there!!! I also kind of think you need to MAKE him understand how difficult things are for you at the moment - maybe a big crying breakdown will help with that - sometimes its the only way to make someone see how much you are struggling - I really feel for you reading your post - im preg with 1st; no other kids to contend with; very understanding job and I've had some absolute nightmares with feeling so ill and exhausted I didn't know how I was gonna survive! if my DH hadn't been there to dust me off and look after me I dont know what I would've done - he needs to stop up a bit, I feel, yes work is important esp if its your own comp, but unborn child and your wellbeing trumps all that every time.

Sorry to hear you're having a tough time. Perhaps your DH might respond to a very down to earth conversation where you go through the things that are making life difficult for you and discuss ways of making them easier? If he's not 'getting it' it might be easier for him to take things on board this way. E.g. 'we need to talk about some issues that are making it difficult for me to contribute to the business. A) I'm only getting four hours sleep a night, B) I can't concentrate because of MS, C) I'm run down, again because of MS...' etc etc. I know it sounds a bit clinical but sometimes men people have trouble empathising with emotion, and calmly cataloguing the issues can have a bigger impact, if you see what I mean? If he is very focused on the business, perhaps a 'business meeting' style conversation will get through better?

Just a suggestion of course. Best of luck and congratulations!

You need to talk to your husband about how you feel everything you said on herexx

Thank you for your responses. Actually ended up having a bit of a 'meltdown' yesterday....very spontaneous, it occurred before I had even read the posts on here advocating a cry and /or heart-to-heart with hubby - but goes to show the advice was spot on! :0) Feel a bit better now, Thanks again xx

A melt-down is best I think! They need to see how it's affecting you or sometimes they just won't twig anything is wrong.

I had one a few weeks ago (we're supposed to be moving to a new RAF base- surprisingly stressful!) and managed to have a glorious nosebleed at the same time! I've not had one of those for about ten years so I must have been stressed! Tears and blood certainly do the job!

Good luck! We're here if you need us.