pregnant but really unsure whether to keep it or not

[toadmum]

Hi,
I am about 8 weeks preganant - my partner and I are happy about it but he is probably more than me at this stage. A few things are pushing me to not have the baby:

1. My partners brother and sis-in-law have been trying to have a baby for a while and have had to settle for IVF later this year - so I feel very in sensitive to tell them we are expecting. Though my partner says we can't just wait for them, they could sadly be trying for a while or even dare I say be unsuccessful.
2. My contract at work ends in October so I will no maternity pay or job to go back to - which scares me although I've always said if I had kids and we could afford it I would stay at home
3. I've always thought we'd be married before kids and recently everyone has been telling me to get married first as its much easier!!! I know this is an old fashioned way to think and it shouldn't really matter but it seems to to me.

Not sure whether I'm worrying about everyone else more than me, the dad and the baby. BYW I'm 29 so as my partner says it would happen in the next few years anyway - why not know.

Any advice or views from people who are the same position or were would be great. Sorry to all those people who think I am sounding so negative and ungrateful.

Thanks

Congratulations.
You obviously want a baby, but the timing isn't perfect. It never will be! It doesn't need to be.
You might not get SMP, but if you have enough weeks of NI you get maternity allowance. Think it's 26 weeks you have to work. Not as much, but it's something.

Unplanned pregnancies can be a real shock and hard to adjust to. Even though I was married and in a stable job I was 28 and it was a big shock and life changer but as someone said it's never the right time. I am SO glad now that things have worked out as they did... And this, my second pregnancy is planned and feels totally different. So I sympathise with the feeling if being out of control and frightened by an unplanned preg.

You will adjust and it will all be fine. In fact it will be brilliant! But it's worth recognising that unplanned pregnancies are sometimes hard to take in mentally.... And it can take a while....

I just wanted to say that I am 20+5, but at about your stage I have serious worries about what we were doing, how we could afford it, whether I would be a good mum etc and ours was a planned and much wanted baby. I think it's perfectly natural to worry about being a parent and shows that you are actually going to be a good parent who thinks about these things, IYSWIM?

Hi toad mum
It is a big shock when you first see the positive test. There will always be reasons against having a baby at a particular time but give yourself a little time to get used to the idea of a baby. If you decide to continue then you will manage. I worry about money and space but know lots of people have less money and less space than we do and manage fine. It is your decision whether you want to continue the pregnancy or not but it is very normal to feel a bit shocked by being pregnant at first. My dh is very close to his cousin who is doing ivf so we waited until after the first scan before telling them as they would have been upset if we miscarried during the delicate first trimester. They are really pleased for us so dont worry too much about your sil. Re marriage one of my friends had a quick civil service when 7 months pregnant then had a renewal of vows and naming ceremony once the baby was born and both days were lovely. I had sent out our invitations to our wedding just once month before discovering I was pregnant. As was still first trimester for the wedding didn't make it public but have since and no one has made any comments about us expecting before the marriage. Attitudes have changed a lot and it sounds as if your partner is very supportive and loving.
Good luck whatever you decide.