Are the following request acceptable?

[LaraCameron]

Hi everyone! I had posted some questions earlier about getting an elective c section due to my tokophobia. Thanks to everyone's help, I've decided that if I dont find a sympathetic NHS consultant I'll be going private at the Portland.
Now because of my history of abuse, I have a severe phobia of being examined( I never even go for pap smears-stirrups make me physically SICK) and I was wondering if the following requests will accepted-

1. I dont want the transvaginal ultrasound AT ALL( they are optional in many countries, so im assuming they aren't absolutely essential?)
2. I dont want any pap smears under any circumstances. I'll consent to internal exams only if absolutely required( Im told they dont do these in the UK anyway- im confused)I will be ok with some towards the end like around 38 weeks to check dilation( provided they are required if you are getting a c section) and stuff, but thats it.
3. I'd like female nurses and midwives to prep me for the c section. (I will pick a female consultant if I go to Portland, but even if the consultant is male, I dont want male nurses or midwives, because it freaks me out)

So is this all too much to ask for? I know legally I can refuse all I want, but doctors have a way of bullying and patronizing.
Also, what happens when you are pregnant and its your first visit to the doctor? I havent even been to one yet. I went to my family doctor back home to confirm the pregnancy. She is familiar with my history, so it was not a problem. What will the first visit be like here?

Thanks everyone! Im sticking with the c section- VB is not for me.
But its good to know, that I wont need internals as much as I thought- its even better to know that stirrups aren't used-yay!
They are so annoying about this in the US. They love to do internals and paps- pg or not.
Im breathing easier now.

I don't mean to be negative but it would be advisable to also prepare yourself mentally for the possibility of a VB, which need not be traumatic. It's worth at least writing the birth plan and having stuff like female staff only written in big red letters all over your notes. You might be like my aunt and end up going into labour at 38 weeks only to arrive at the hospital fully dilated and have the baby in the triage room.

Anyone planning an ELCS should write an in case of emergency VB plan the way those planning a VB should have a CS plan too. Doubly so if there are MH factors.

Can I just ask if you've ever had a smear test? Or do they sedate you for them, I had a GA for treatment on my cervix as I could barely handle a smear test. I know it's slightly off topic but please don't skip them and hope for the best. I've never had stirrups at my smear tests, the female gynea nurses are usually very nice.

Well I didn't have a single internal exam or scan with any of my three children until I was actually in labour with dd and ds 1 and not at all with ds2. In uk.

Mine were all midwife delivered though. And I won't have a word said against midwives . They rock.

The only time I've ever felt uncomfortable in fact was with a horrible consultant gynae (male not birth or prerg related). God he was so unempathetic.

But you'll get the chance to meet and pick a consultant in that's what you're planning

Oh and never had stirrups in labour or for any smear tests.

C sections are performed on fully dilated women as well. They pushed my sister's baby up the birth canal and did a c section. Im not saying its a great way to do things, but its never too late( uncle is an OB and thats what he said)
Im sorry but I CANNOT even consider a VB. Id rather not have children then.
Pg in itself is the worst thing Ive ever had to do.

Pushing the baby back up the birth canal doesn't sound especially good for the baby or the mother, health & stress wise.

Hope all works out for you.

I haven't read the whole thread and can't advise on all your requests, but wanted to say that the large London teaching hospital where I gave birth to DD specifically told us NOT to request a female-only doctor in our birth plan. I think the request had been made a number of times due to cultural sensitivities, and it had created issues when emergencies had arisen, but no female doctors were available.

However, if your request is for a C-section, then it should be perfectly possible to plan for female staff, so I doubt it will be a problem. But bear in mind that neither the NHS nor a private hospital will be able to accommodate that wish if an emergency arises and only male staff are available.

Stirrups are not normally used even for smears IME.

1. I've had several transvaginal scans in various pgs - mainly due to early bleeding/dating etc. I have a retroverted uterus but all 12 wk scans have been via the belly.
2. Smears are not done in pg.
3. I would imagine this last one depends on whether you go private or not (remembering your previous threads). After all, the NHS, whilst taking MH issues very seriously, are generally stretched staffwise and may struggle to ensure you have an all female delivery team. In private care this may well be more likely - I don't know.

The only time I've been in stirrups is following labour whilst being stitched up.

"Im sorry but I CANNOT even consider a VB. Id rather not have children then.
Pg in itself is the worst thing Ive ever had to do."

I understand why you would want a C-section but what a way to put it?!!

I am not in anyway being rude but if "Pg in itself is the worst thing Ive ever had to do" why do it?!!

Renaissance227 What an insensitive post. The OP has explained why she feels this way about a VB. And as for "Why do it?" Um, well, because she wants a child? Pregnancy is a means to an end, it's not a particularly enjoyable experience for lots of women and for some it can be really traumatic. The OP is not commenting on anyone else's feelings or experiences, only her own.

pozzled I didn't mean to be insensitive and I am certainly no fan of being pregnant but I would NEVER say that I would rather not have children if it meant a VB! That is a strong feeling to have about a means to an end when you want children so badly!
Having lost two babies myself, both around 12 weeks, I know that I would do ANYTHING to have children and for them to be safe.
None of my post was aimed at you so I have no idea why YOU are so very OFFENDED!

Hi Lara. I just wanted to post to say that I'd never heard of tokophobia before, but having done a bit of research I think you're incredibly brave.

Are you pregnant now? If so, how many weeks gone?

Renaissance Perhaps it's not been on this thread yet but Lara has tokophobia and has (I assume) ptsd from previous abuse. I reckon childbirth and pg is a pretty big deal for her so she must want children pretty badly to do this.

I'm guessing you didn't know that though!

buttonmoon78 I didn't know that, but was just a bit shocked when she wrote I CANNOT even consider a VB. Id rather not have children then. Can understand a little more now.
Thank you for telling me and not just assuming I'm a hearless, rude cow! x

That should be heartless!

Internal ultrasounds are only done at a very early stage or if there is a problem. My first internal examination was when I was contracting every two minutes and had been in labour for several hours and my hospital allows the request for women only. They brought stirrups near the very end of my birth (vaginal delivery, not CS) and I refused them successfully.

There's nothing to stop you asking for all the things you want. Good luck x x

That's ok. I always like to assume that people are ignorant (in the true sense) of circumstances rather than nasty. And in MN where things move so fast, it's impossible to keep up with every other poster and their history!

Well thank you! You are one of the few! x

I seem to have caused a stir with my post about VB. But I stand by it. And I am doing this not because I'm desperate for children, but simply because my husband is. I'd be more than happy to adopt. My husband is the best thing in my life and Im doing this for him.

And no offence meant to anyone, but I know a few women who aren't tokophobic and haven't suffered abuse, but they still feel pg and VB have been the worst experiences of their lives. Not everyone has to love it, just because they want children. I know a woman, who has no mental health issues, but she was always very clear that she would only consider kids if she could have a c section.VB is not for everyone, but for some reason there is a stigma associated with c sections.It might sound strange to some people when women say they dont want a VB at all, but its a very personal decision, and in my eyes a very acceptable one.
Besides, everyone hates exams, for example, but if you want the degree, you have to do it. It doesn't mean you are obliged to enjoy it. Same with pg and childbirth. There is no way out of pregnancy, but there is a wasy out of VB and i intend to take it.
I'll say it again- pg is making me miserable. But I want the baby, so Im doing it.
I do have tokophobia, and I am paranoid about physical exams- I wasnt technically raped, but it was repeated sexual abuse from a family member, when I was little and it has traumatised me ever since. The tokophobia is probably because when I was 10, I saw my nanny die while giving birth. We couldnt get her to a hospital on time- she had gone into premature labor and we were at our country home, two hours from the hospital. All the women in my family have had HORRIBLE birth experiences as well- but Im told that has nothing to do with mine. Even so, growing up with horror stories of forceps and stillbirths didnt help.
Annonymity is wonderful- I'd never admit all this face to face, but I feel good to get all this out in the open.
PS- Rennaisance you are definitely not a heartless cow! :) Just a bit judgemental - I dont think you have to enjoy pg, or go along with a VB, if you dont want to. Its subjective. I can understand why you would feel that way though- I am so sorry about your loss. My mother miscarried my twin, and she still cries about it sometimes. I can understand a bit about how you feel, and how you'd do anything to have babies- my ma felt the same way.
I'll pray things work out for you.

CinnabarRed Hi! Thanks so much :) Its nice to hear someone say Im brave. Most of my own family thinks Im "being silly". Even my hubby treats me a bit like a psychotic case who just needs to be humored. Its like he cant understand why I want a c section, but he's going along with it because Im a "unstable". Even my mom, who for the record is the most awesome mother, thinks that if I had to go through all the internal exams, the VB etc, Id "manage"- as the rest of the women did. It is very hard to be taken seriously when you have tokophobia. I suppose its because all women have a slight fear of childbirth- it is the fear of the unknown perhaps- so tokophobia is often dismissed as being "needlessly paranoid". Its very sad.

You could certainly refuse transvaginal ultrasound. I've had them at both my 12 weeks & 22 week scans at KCH, but you can refuse absolutely anything you want - don't even have to have any scans at all.

I have only had a vaginal exam during labour & at 41 w + 3 days, to see if anything was happening (it wasn't).

They won't do cervical smears during pregnancy.

I think you could certainly request all female staff, however in an emergency crash situation it might be hard for htem to guarantee a female anaesthetist etc...

TBH Lara, I think you are very brave to be so honest. And if you ever say things in a way that makes people a bit shocked (like Renaissance) then I reckon it's understandable as you internalise all these things for so long and then they all come out in a big rush sounding a bit defensive and abrupt.

I know that's how I'm sounding at the moment with regard to the position of my baby. Someone in RL will ask me if I'm going to have it turned if it stays this way up and I practically bite their head off!

You have had some really unlucky experiences and I know from previous threads that people have said just because others have suffered you might not etc but really, that's irrelevant. You are you and you know what you want.

I hope you get some answers soon from a consultant who will give you peace of mind. I suspect that the pg may well end up being less miserable if you are able to regain some sense of control which will then put the birth into perspective as being a part of the process not the whole deal.

Good luck!

buttonmoon78 Thanks:) Hope things work out with your baby.