Planning a birth in a dark-ages maternity hospital?

[lucy123]

Sorry in advance for the rambling post. I suppose I'm voicing concerns as much as asking for advice. And the title was really hard for this one!

Anyway I have just been inspired by the midwife at my ante-natal class. I say inspired, actually I feel very daunted!

Almost the whole class was given over to a very unfavourable comparison between practices at the local Spanish maternity hospital where I will give birth (or "give light" as the Spanish say - I love that) and UK practices. Essentially, though the UK system isn't perfect (as I tried to point out) you get so much more choice there.

In Spanish hospitals you do not get any choice over birthing position; home birth or birthing pool or anything like that are out of the question; no gas and air; (and you can see where this is going).

When I had dd I just went with what the doctors said really, but this time I would really like to be a bit more active, and to avoid an epidural if at all possible. Also the more I read about doulas the more I want one! But I just don't know how to go about any of it when the system seems so against me.

So does anyone have any helpful advice? Am I too late to start learning yoga (and what is a good website/book)? Should I just give in again?

You could come back and have your baby on the NHS if you have family here.

Hi Lucy123 - Gut instinct says don't just give in, having done this once before you are as much an expert as the GP or whatever there is over there in what works for you. IME (limited to one quick and easy birth, admittedly) a lot of it is instinct-driven, and I think in your place I would make sure that I retained control of some basic things like position etc... how would they avoid that if you were determined? restrain you? or just not be helpful/supportive? Hopefully there will be some super MN doulas/midwifes on here who can give you more practical advice - they might even have some secret spanish sisters!

Aloha - believe me, I would love to, it's just not very practical. Wouldn't it be nice if you could have an exact date to plan things around?

Waterbaby, I think you are right. I will have another chat with the pre-natal classes midwife (who works at the hosp) and see what she says. Only thing is, you get whoever is on duty here and it might be a dragon!

Suew - thanks for the site. I haven't finished reading it yet, but it's making me more determined. DP is supportive, but not overly so. I asked him about being my "doula" and he didn't really see the point. Will keep thinking.

Now seriously considering finding a private midwife to help me with a home birth - would I be mad to do that in an area where they're unheard of?

hi lucy123
I'm kind of in the same boat but thinking seriously about going home for the birth just because I'm not bolshie enough to say what I want. I think if you are pushy enough and have good support from a friend if not your partner then who can really make you give birth lying down on a bed etc? do you have a good friend who could come along to support you and fight your corner?
You've already had one baby so why not try for home birth if you can? that way you'd be much more at ease and relaxed. Sadly I had a c section last time or that would be the option I'd go for. If not, the idea of staying at home as long as pos sounds pretty good.
My friend had her baby a few years ago in a Spanish public hospital. hers was totally natural which apparently was not considered 'normal' but she was very clear about not wanting any pain relief etc and had it all written down so she could just point at her birth plan rather than have to explain it all in Spanish in the midst of contractions. I think in the end she was fairly happy with the whole experience and certainly no less than other people I've read about on mumsnet who had their babies in the UK.
Its really helpful for me to know someone else is going through the same dilemma as me anyhow. Good luck in your decisions.

Hi Morocco

Yes - it does feel better to know other people have the sma dilemma!

The thing that's really stopping me from going home is the fact that UK services are a bit stretched in some areas, so I might go through all that palaver only to give birth in a corridor in A&E or something. I could try and arrange a UK home-birth from here but that kind of seems a bit cheeky.

You're right - I think just having someone really supportive with me will help. I feel better too for having bid on a TENS machine on Ebay (it'll give me something to do if nothing else).

Do they have gas and air in Morocco? I still can't get over the fact that they don't in Spain!

I never asked about the gas and air - I think I just assumed they did but that was in my younger more naive days - everyone seems to go for epidurals here - I put on my birth plan that I didn't want one and many eyebrows were raised! And it's all flat on back stirrups stuff too - and that's if you go private - heaven knows what public is like.

The tens machine might cause great hilarity though - mine really freaked them all out in hospital - I think they're just a UK thing. It must have looked like I was masochistically increasing the pain with electric shocks or something. But within seconds of it coming off for the op I was in agony so it definitely worked.

When's the baby due by the way?

Spain sounds like Greece Lucy123.The only pain relief offered here is epidurals.Also up on the bed as soon as your admitted.We had to really fight to get my husband allowed in with me!That was a few years ago and things are slightly better now.The only advice I can offer is to ask around especially amongst the foreign population and someone may be able to recommend a doctor /midwife who tries to practice more active type births.Much sympathy its very difficult isn't it when they treat you as if you really wierd for wanting something "different" Did you give birth to dd in Spain?

GRmum - yes I had dd here and dad was allowed in (though he was asked to leave when they got the doctor in and the ventose out, so he missed the big moment). So I can do it again - I'm just jealous of all the fancy options UK mums have I suppose!

Morocco - baby due in January, so time to think about it. When's yours?

Hi Lucy, glad you've had some suggestions here - thought it was a great idea to make sure its written down properly in Spanish, and to start by talking to the midwives... If I was in your place I'd be heading home to the UK I think, but agree that its not always practical. Why not have a go arranging a UK homebirth though, or at least see what it would entail. Good luck!

Lucy, I've just started yoga and I'm due at the end of novmber, I wouldn't think it's too late for you to start at all. I'm finding it very helpful - esp in getting rid of the little aches and pains that are part and parcel of pregnancy.

It sounds like you need to

1. figure out what you want/absolutely don't want, and write it down (birth plan)
2. get DH on your side - he's the one who will have to fight your corner when you are mid-contraction.
3. check what is on your birth plan and is also offered by your maternity hospital, everything that is not offered you will have to source yourself (i.e. TENS machine etc) or do without. Your friendly midwife from the ante-natal classes should be able to help you here. Any chance this midwife would act as your doula in the hospital if she holds the same views as you?

eefs - the sympathetic midwife is also 6 months pregnant!

But yes - I'm going to make more of a fuss this time (last time I didn't even ask).

Lucy, is there any equivalent body to the NCT in Spain? Could you email the NCT directly and ask? The information department or the press office - oops, no, press relations for NCT were being handled by an agency last time I checked, try info - should be able to tell you.