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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Pink/Blue who knows what you're having?

36 replies

glitternanny · 01/06/2011 08:21

We are having our 20w scan on 1/7.

Had a lot of people surprised and trying to talk us out of finding out what we are having...

It's our first baby.

We've always said we wanted to know, to help us bond a little and practically too, so we know what colour clothes to borrow and cos we want to.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

benne81 · 02/06/2011 11:03

Its very odd that people feel that they need to know the sex to 'bond' with the future baby. Nobody can really 'bond' in a true sense of the word until it is born, maybe people are getting confused between familirising yourself with the fact that you are having a son/daughter rather than developing a stronger bond because you know the sex?

I'm not finding out and in the past I never really understood why people would want to, although as soon as I found out I was pregnant I was dying to know but that has worn off now and as long as its healthy I don't care (cliche but true). I certainly don't feel my 'bonding' level has been affected by not knowing.

ShowOfHands · 02/06/2011 11:24

benne, as I said it isn't just about bonding and people aren't saying that they need to know the gender to bond, just that it's one of things that helps with bonding for them. They're not implying you have to know in order to bond. I didn't find out because of bonding, as I said above, I found out because I just wanted to know.

It is like every other choice people make, somebody will judge you for it, merely because their preferences are different. It baffles me that anybody would even be bothered about other people's choices. I understand why those that wait, wait but the number of people who didn't understand or respect my choice to find out was staggering.

I actually had no caveats. No as long as it's healthy or I'd like x, y or z. I merely wanted the person inside me. The level of information I had about this person before they arrived was just peculiar to my own wants.

yummymango · 02/06/2011 11:32

Maybe using the word bond in the physical sense is misleading then - I suppose for me it's more about having a feeling about whether it's male or female and not wanting to be in shock at the birth if it turns out to be the other.
I come from a family of girls, my father wasn't around, and I am a very girly girl, and to be honest I felt a bit worried I wouldn't know what to do with a boy! Of course I didn't mind which it was as long as it's healthy, but we chose to find out so if it was a boy I could get used to the idea beforehand. That's all really.
I think someone hit the nail on the head when they said some people find out and some don't and usually they don't really understand each other!

Annie456 · 02/06/2011 11:50

but in the same way as "it's not a surprise because it's 50/50", there are only 2 eventualities you need to get your head around.
I was freaked out at the thought of having a girl because I've only have brothers, BIL's and newphews - so we made a conscious effort to think of it as a girl and give it a girls name. Now i'm worried I'm not prepared for having a boy and we're starting to refer to it as a boy. It's not much to get your head around as you have 9 months to plan for either in your mind.

In my experience, people will judge you (my brother and dad were gutted when we were originally planning to find out the sex) but if you genuinely want to know then the information is there for the taking and it's a completely personal decision.

FWIW, DH was desperate to find out at the 20 week scan - we didn't find out and 7 weeks later he's now got used to the fact that we'll find out "on the day" and it really doesn't bother him.

AxyMum · 02/06/2011 12:53

Cattleprod I agree with PoppysMom that part of the bonding is not having to refer to baby as "it." And, as someone else said, it gave me time to get my head around not having a girl (even though I was almost certain I would be having a boy).

When I talk to baby, especially when things have gone wrong (a couple of scares a while ago, and now my waters have broken early), I like to be able to tell him to be a strong boy and hold on. I can tot ally understand why it wouldn't matter to some people but I like feeling as though I'm already getting to know him.

Plus, as odd as it sounds (and I know it's stupid!) I just felt as though I was doing something wrong by switching pronouns every now and again before I knew, like it would be doing him a dis-service to call him "she" on days when I wondered if he was a girl.

figgygal · 02/06/2011 12:57

I am too early to find out but as soon as we can we are finding out, i want a girl husband a boy both sets of Grandparents have Granddaughters from our siblings so i imagine they will want it to be a boy too. I have a feeling it is a boy too impatient to wait it is a surprise whenever you find out after all!!

benne81 · 02/06/2011 12:58

Yummymango I completely understand your point of view. I'm from a massively female houshold, father wasn't around much and I had a very strong minded feminist mother (I've already been sent feminist childrearing books from the 70s!). I'm sure my mum, sister and myself won't have a clue what to do if a boy arrives, but I like to keep everyone guessing - including myself! Congratulations on your little girl.

yummymango · 02/06/2011 13:06

Thanks benne81, congratulations to you too whether it's blue or pink!

Cattleprod · 02/06/2011 13:09

There are all sorts of genderless ways to address a baby though, you don't have to use the rather sterile, inanimate 'it'.

I can see how it would be very practical (sensible, even) to know, I just like prolonging the suspense. I don't want to name my baby before it's born, or think wistfully about a future filled with ballet lessons or football, and I think it's inevitable that people fall back on stereotypes when the gender is the only information they have. I want my new baby to be a blank canvas, and I find it much more exciting to bond with someone who, scans excepted, I know nothing about.

hayesgirl · 02/06/2011 13:12

We found out at our scan even though all our family wanted us to wait and all our friends said that we would "ruin the surprise" - each to their own but its not really much of a surprise is it.... its either a boy or a girl and its definitely a baby! : )

We are having a little boy and we already have a name for him and now rather than calling my bump "it" or the equivolent we call him by his name and i think both me and my husband are bonding already with him.

You should do whatever you want to do! If you are both in agreement - do it!

Yukana · 02/06/2011 18:13

Shortly after finding out I was pregnant I swore we were having a girl. My partner also had the same feeling. We were told it's a girl at the 20 week scan. I'm now 30 weeks, overjoyed at how much she's kicking and looking forward to her arrival. :) All the dreams I've had with me pregnant/giving birth during pregnancy I have been having a girl, too.

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