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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

should he go?

18 replies

lightsandshapes · 26/05/2011 17:15

I am due on 26th Oct. My DP has been offered a free trip to france (admittedly working as a school teacher supervising kids) on 7th - 12th Oct. Should he go...? It's my first....

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Bogeyface · 26/05/2011 17:20

on balance, no.

You will be classed as full term from the 5th and could go into labour at any time, although you probably wont but I wouldnt want to risk it personally. Yes I know that there are trains/planes etc but it would cost money that I wouldnt want to spend if it could be avoided.

jenga079 · 26/05/2011 17:57

No, because if he did have to fly home he'd be letting down a lot of people.

grottielottie · 26/05/2011 18:26

No, the 12th of October will most likely come and go with no sign of the baby, but is it really worth risking it. I'm sure he would be gutted to miss the birth far more than miss the trip.

Jill72 · 26/05/2011 18:35

What does he want to do?

Original poster

lightsandshapes · 26/05/2011 18:51

jill he's keen to go - I think he gets on with the group and it's a week out of school... tempted to say yes than have him here moody he missed out.... but

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theonlyhb2 · 26/05/2011 18:51

my OH wouldn't want to go and leave me overnight at the moment (28 weeks) let alone a few weeks before my DD. But then thats him and us, its up to you both really!

Original poster

lightsandshapes · 26/05/2011 18:52

theonly I only wish he was that attentive!

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jenga079 · 26/05/2011 19:20

Do his school know that you're pregnant? In the nicest possible way, I just can't imagine why they'd risk him going! If you go into labour he will need to come home and their teacher:pupil ratios will be screwed.

bambinoblue3 · 26/05/2011 19:40

I like my DP being near now I'm near the end an get a bit anxious if he's working too far because you never know when its going to happen. Chances are you will go overdue anyway but there is still the chance of being early.

Also as others have said how would he feel about missing the birth and also the fact he'll be leaving the school one teacher short, how are they going to react if that happens.

Staceroo · 26/05/2011 22:33

I'd disagree with everyone else, 12th is quite a bit before your due date! I would just suggest if he does go he makes sure school are aware he could have to leave so they make sure there's enough cover there!

I'd feel bad stopping my dh going away, if it was me. But then... i could probably imagine that closer to the time he'd say he wouldn't want to anyway!

squiggleywiggler · 26/05/2011 22:37

I had my first baby nearly 3 weeks early with no prior warning - exactly the time your DH would have been on the trip. I had an 8 hour labour too so he might not have made it back...

Or you'll have the baby 2 weeks after the estimated due date and he'll be seething with resentment!

It's a tricky one - work through all the scenarios and see what you are both more comfortable with. Would you rather he misses the trip unnecessarily or accidentally missed the birth?

eurochick · 26/05/2011 22:42

I'd say it's fine, but he should let the school know to have someone on standby in case he has to come home. France has dozens of regional airports and most of them fly to the UK in 1-2 hours. If something did happen, the chances are he would be able to get there in time. And it's a good amount before the due date.

DizzyKipper · 27/05/2011 07:17

Do you want him to go? I'm a bit surprised he wants to really, I know that close to the day my OH wouldn't take any risks with missing out, but then everyone's different. How would you feel if he missed the birth? How would he feel if he missed it? Considering you've said you're worried about him feeling resentful if he stays and you don't give birth I would make sure this was a decision he came to on his own - sure discuss it with him and let him know any of your concerns, but try not to push (so long as you're comfortable with the chance of him missing it that is).

Coppernoddle · 27/05/2011 09:10

Ask him what's more important to him? And could you start labour and getting yourself to the hospital on your own? I've got many of friends that had baby between 38 and 40 weeks! Just because it's your first it doesn't mean your most likely to go full term, ie, 40 +! not only that, labour is not always by the book! It can happen very quickly and god forbid it can come with complications! I know France isn't far away, but by the time he's got the next flight out, got to the airport at least an hour before (security is crazy at the moment) and got back I guarantee it will be at least 5 hours! Not only that, you can have several false labours before the real thing! You can get to 5 minutes apart and everything before stopping! Imagine if you got him to come home and it all stopped, he'd be a little pissed off!! I would say no, it's far too close! Men, they just don't think!

lollystix · 27/05/2011 09:12

I think he should go - you're more likely to go overdue than under(a midwife told me 40+9 is the average for a first). Given the average first labour is 12 hours (and that will be established labour and not the prelabour bit) he has time to get back from France if needs be as it's only really an hour to 2 hours on the plane. If he were having a meeting 3 hours away somewhere in the uk on the 12th would you be concerned? If not then I don't see what the difference is really.

fifi25 · 27/05/2011 09:13

no, my eldest dds were way overdue. With dd3 dp was going on a course and i said no go it will be fine. He missed the birth. He feels awful as he was at the other 2

AnonymousBird · 27/05/2011 09:18

Getting back from overseas is just that bit more complicated.

Also, if he goes and then leaves mid trip, the trip is an adult down (which I suspect will cause staff ratio problems).

Yes, you are more likely to be overdue than under but it's such a risk of him missing the birth.

I had DH away when I was 38 weeks with DD (second child) and he literally was away 48 hours in total, made it as short as absolutely possible and was near an airport with flights every two hours back to London. It was fine, as it turned out, and she was born at 39 +3 in the end, but it was a constant worry and I spent the whole 48 hours wishing I hadn't let him go on the trip!!!!

kri5ty · 27/05/2011 09:33

How do you feel about him going?

Obviously the fact you could give borth early is a question...

But the main thing i think is if you feel like you need hima round for support and comfort he shouldnt go... you are going to be running around getting all the last minute things sorted, and you dont really need the stress of it on your own?

My bf is going away 8 weeks before im due on a stag do... and im worrying about that, as i have ME and sometimes find it impossible to even get out of bed, let alone cook anything or get out of the house!

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