Woefully unprepared

[SerenaJoy]

I'm 35 weeks pg with first baby, and utterly unprepared for everything that's coming my way. DH and I have just moved into a new house, and we've been so busy getting that organised (organised - HA!) that I've barely thought about the birth, never mind what I'm actually going to do with a freaking BABY when it gets here. At approx 4am this morning, it hit me that the baby will be full term in a couple of weeks, and could in theory come any time. I'm panicking. Eeever so slightly.

The pram's ready to be collected, and I have a car seat so will at least be able to bring baby home, but that's kind of it. I have some clothes but none of them are washed. I have a crib (in bits in my mum's house) but no mattress or bedding. (Where do you get crib mattresses? How do you know what kind to buy?) I don't know how to breastfeed. I've never changed a nappy in my life. I don't even HAVE any nappies. I don't have wipes, muslin squares or a steriliser or anything. We keep saying that we're going to go to Boots/Mothercare and just do a mammoth shop for everything all at once, but haven't actually gotten round to it yet. We keep spending the weekends painting and unpacking boxes. There's no carpet in the baby's room, and the plumber had to lift the floorboards anyway. I know the baby will be in our room for the first few months but still. What if I drop the baby down the floorboards? Who do you phone in a situation like that? The fire brigade?

And that's just stuff for the baby - I've not done a birth plan. I don't even HAVE a hospital bag, let alone all the things to put in it. I have no nightdress, no nursing bras, no huge pants, and I don't even know where my camera is.

I haven't even read to the end of my pregnancy book cause I keep falling asleep [wails]

Could someone please stroke my hair and tell me it will all be ok?

Oh do not panic! you have the important stuff, and all babies need are nappies, clothes and a boob (or bottle) to start with.

I am 27 weeks and so far have 3 packs of nappies. I go on ML when I am approx 36 weeks and planning on doing all the organising/shopping then. People keep telling me I am behind, I tell them to f off

you could do an internet shop on Boots or Mothercare and order all your stuff and they deliver it to you, Boots does free delivery if you spend over a certain amount.
I wouldn't worry about your birth plan too much - I've heard it's best to keep an open mind - maybe start off with gas and air and see how you get on with that.
you could buy a book like What to Expect: The First Year, that tells you stuff about breastfeeding etc. But you will get a midwife visiting you at home the day after you're home from hospital, plus midwives in hospital who will support and help you with breastfeeding and keep you rght, you don't need to leave hospital until breastfeeding is established and you're confident.
Although everything seems like a disorganised mess at the moment, 5 weeks is quite a long time and your baby's unlikely to be early as it's your first, so you could have longer than 5 weeks... If he/she comes earlier than that, emergency-text visitors asking them to bring stuff that you need.
As for your hospital bag, just shove a couple big T-shirts for yourself and some nappies in a plastic bag... add some baby clothes once they're clean.. People usually say they end up bringing too much stuff anyway.
If I were you I would make a list of Things To Do, with the highest priorities at the top, then tick them off as you go. That might make you feel more in control and less panicky.
You'll be ok - don't you worry!!

awwh, it'll be ok. :) You've got the main things. List is good idea. I would make it priority to do baby's room even though he'll be in yours to start. It's nice to get it organised so you can see what's what, and have somewhere for the baby things.

Internet shopping - I was going to suggest the same as PP.

Either ask Mum to bring crib over or just ask her to measure it then you will know what size mattress to get. I bought new mattress for moses basket online. They all have dimensions and info you need.

Could your mum help out a bit perhaps, if she's near by?

I am 26 weeks and have those 4 am moments. My home office is going to have to become baby's room but I've got work to do for next few weeks so upheaval will have to wait. No carpet in here yet either. We have a moses basket (no stand), a couple baby gros, a car seat and that's about it!

You WON'T drop baby down the floorboards!

Deep breath. You'll be fine. x

SerenaJoy .

I am now pregnant with baby no. 5. Please don't worry babies don't need that much. Sometimes less is more. It took me 4 pregnancies to realise that as my nesting instinct s over the top. My last pregnancy I was fairly stressed just getting out was to much. Internet shopping is great. If you have to go shopping make sure you go in the middle of the day or late night shopping.

Just have a few basics like sleep suits vests coat nappies and the rest is irrelevant. Places like John Lewis will make crib mattresses just phone them up with the dimensions and they will make it and send it to your house. I wouldn't worry about a cot until baby is ready to move out of the crib. In this way you can spread the cost and often after you have had the baby you will know what practical items you really need. Plenty of people buy so much you don't need. I used to think one lady was really mad as she had very little for her baby. But afterwards she would go and buy the things that she needed or hadn't been given.

Don't forget friends will want to buy you things to. When people asked what I needed I asked for vouchers for the shops I liked or a meal to freeze. Last time friends arrived I didn't cook for the first week chicken hot pot spaghetti bollagnaise, beef burgnion all for a family of 6 for me this the best gift for our new family. I myself give this to a new mother. I normally find out what they like and bring it round after the birth, often they have nothing and it is immediately served for the new parents. Also you will get a present or vouchers from your work or dh's work to. Again make a list or drop hints to avoid mistakes. I wrote out baby announcements ahead of time addressed them and put a stamp on, they went in my bag to hospital so I could add the important date, time weight. Don't forget that certain shops will have sales soon so you may be able to save yourself loads of money ie John Lewis. The NCt also have nearly new sales to which I have always used. I my self might wait till the boxing day sale to buy most of my babys things due in January as babies grow out of things so quickly.

As for birth plans they are like wish lists. I wrote mine on post it notes first and worked what was important. For me it was being able to walk around. Natural 3rd stage. Dh or me to cut cord. They can onlt be wishes so don't stress I try to aim that it could all be written on a post card. Things happen in labour and your can not set things in stone. The birth plan is there to help let your midwife know general things. Hope this helps. Please don't worry your self

You'll be fine...deep breath!

Hospital bag - normal toiletries for any overnight stay, an old tshirt to labour in, clean pjs for after. Take pics on mobile phone.

Breastfeeding - no new mum knows how to bf! As others have said, you will get help in hospital and from your community midwife. There's also a few helplines IF you need them.

Nappies - get daddy to do them! Again though, midwifes will probably give you a demo.

Lack of carpet - wooden floors are trendy, no? You won't drop LO under floorboards but if you DID, maybe local cave rescuers would be more help??

Thanks for the reassurance everyone. It's probably one of those things that will all come together in the end I guess, and I just have to keep fingers crossed that the baby doesn't appear early (unlikely I know as it's my first, but would be typical wouldn't it?!).

I do feel better having had a bit of a freak out and writing it all down though. And better you lot than DH - although he'd never show it, I think he's had enough of my whinging

Deep breath and I got loads of stuff from amazon and ebay, then it comes straight to your house. You will be fine, remember cave women had less than you already have. Get a baby sling/carrier and then you can just go about your day and won't drop it down the floorboards! And Whinging is a pregnant woman's pergogative! :o You will be fine!

Oh oh! I have a sling! I forgot about that. Well that's one thing - I suppose the first step towards good parenting is not losing the baby down the floorboards

I wouldn't worry too much. My mother is terribly superstitious and wouldn't let anyone buy anything at all until my sister and I were delivered and healthy (just in case we weren't), so my poor father had to race out of the hospital to the local shops for nappies, bottles and so on as soon as we were born. It didn't seem to pose too many problems. It's only a bit of shopping!

oh and you can get everything your need and lots of stuff you don't in the supermarket!

I think in life in general, the more unprepared you are the better, then you're not too disappointed when things don't go exactly as you thought they would. You've got everything you NEED anyway, and whatever you haven't got yet or haven't done yet will all come together in the appropriate timescale! You've got 5 weeks or thereabouts, that's AGES.

Women in deepest darkest Peru give birth up trees, and teenagers have babies in garages (according to Waterloo Road), so how important can a birth plan be!

It'll be alright on the night. Good luck xx

asda has a baby event on just now so you can get loads of stuff for cheap. i bought a crib mattress on ebay, you can get it next day delivery so dont worry.

Definitely go with an online shop to get nappies, muslins etc.

The only thing I'd say on the breastfeeding is that you will get help from midwives and health visitors but sadly their knowledge and advice is often very poor and contradictory, so if you rely entirely on them you might end up in difficulties. If you can, find out where your local breastfeeding cafes/support groups are - if you ask at the next antenatal appointment the midwife should be able to tell you. They are usually run either by NCT/La Leche breastfeeding counsellors or by hospital breastfeeding specialists who have up to date knowledge. Also the following two helplines might be useful to stick on your fridge:

Breastfeeding helplines: La Leche League - 0845 120 2918
NCT - 0300 330 0771

I hear your panic. Ha! I'm 34 weeks and in much the same position. We can get buns home, but then he's naked and sleeping in a drawer. All because we haven't moved yet and I don't want to have to pack it all! My bubbie and I have made a backup plan- if it all kicks off I insist on staying in hospital overnight after we've finished and he goes to the 24 hour Tesco!!

And I figure labour will be a fair few hours so I can pack a hospital bag then.

We won't be the first underprepared mums! as long as we're all healthy the rest is just window dressing.

You are me in five weeks time. We dont even have a confirmed moving date yet, let alone any floorboards & i'm 30 weeks pg. DP won't let me buy anything until we get to the new place. Oh, that's a lie. We do have a pretty cushion for baby's room. Essential huh?

Will be watching thread with interest to check lack of preparation is solvable!

You'll be fine - when I had my daughter the idea of having a baby remained rather abstract to me, even though she was planned. I packed my bag after my waters broke, I still protested I wasn't ready yet and wanted to go home when they wheeled me into theatre. Everything fell into place when she was born.

Now I've got a week and a half left until No 2 will be here - and you know what - despite having all the stuff from last time and having my bag packed, I'm woefully unprepared. We've put the moses basket up last week - I looked at it and just thought "shit, there's going to be a baby in there". And yes, this one's planned and wanted, too.

I expect/hope things will fall into place again straight after the birth like last time.

You know what? It doesn't matter if you don't have a steriliser, or a perfectly decorated nursery, or a cot with matching bedlinen. It doesn't matter that you've never changed a nappy in your life, or that you don't know how to breastfeed. All these things will come in time!

I spent the last few days before my first child was born madly scrubbing down the walls in what was to be her bedroom, worrying because it wasn't decorated properly... She didn't even move into the room until she was 2 years old because it turned out that co-sleeping suited us all much better until then.

I hardly bought anything before she was born either - no nappies, no bottles, no steriliser. Just a wrap sling, moses basket and a pushchair/car seat and a few vests and babygros I think. (I made up for it afterwards going mad shopping online while on maternity leave). I did get plenty of muslins though and they came in very useful.

I wouldn't worry about nappy changing either - I had never changed a nappy, or even held a baby for any length of time, until she was born. But given how many nappies babies get through in the first few days of life, by the time your baby is a week old you will probably have changed well upwards of 50 nappies and will be a complete pro at it!

As for breastfeeding, as others have said, the main thing is to know where to go if you need advice or support. Don't suffer in silence if it hurts!

(PS the day DD1 was born there was a building team in our house finishing the kitchen extension that was supposed to have been completely fitted out a month earlier. My mum and husband were still painting the walls when I brought her home!)

On a practical level as long as you've a million nappies and muslins and some sleepsuits, you'll be fine. Afterall, the shops will still be there after your baby is born!

Before DS1 was born I'd bought everything I needed (and ticked it off on my spreadsheet!) and ead a million books but actually I was still woefully unprepared for everything coming my way. Pregnancy is no preparaton for motherhood and books are a bit like guide books to foreign countries- you can read them all you like but when you get there it's often quite different to how you'd expected it would be.

The one thing I did which was good preparation was an NHS breastfeeding workshop. If you can't do that in time I'd suggest you read up on it and get hold of the phone numbers of breastfeeding supporters now in case you need them.

Wow thanks for all the advice/encouragement!

The pregnancy hormones have abated somewhat, and I now feel reassured that it wouldn't be the end of the world if the baby came early and I didn't have a fully stocked changing unit

But we're going to forego the painting this weekend and sort out some of the more pressing things anyway.