Hi LaraCameron. Please don't get the impression that these NHS doctors (and they are the same doctors and surgeons in many cases as work privately) are out to rob you of choice, or force you to do things you don't want. They naturally want to steer you away from something perhaps not medically necessary that's part of the Hippocratic oath and that is invasive and can have complications (while rare, they can be severe). Plus some trusts so (and should) have an eye on runaway costs.
I think you are naturally seeing things through the prism of your tokophobia. Believe me, I've been there too. That said, I think you should talk to someone about your feelings as it may actually, counter-intuitively, give you more options and more of a feeling of control over the situation. By all means, still get your section, but
I never got around to doing this myself. I should have. Now, having had a child and gone through the recovery and breastfed for years I feel less 'scared' about my body and would be prepared to give birth naturally, I'd still 'prefer' not to, and for medical reasons I will opt for a second.
Can I give you some things to consider. In no particular order:
Your insurance may not cover it. My insurance in Asia, which was bells and whistles, would not cover a section for non-medical reasons, EVEN tokophobia. I had a long and rather upsetting-at-the-time discussion about it. My current health insurance here won't cover a section privately for non-medical reasons. And this is full-on, comprehensive Bupa stuff.
Your doctor whether private or NHS may try to steer you to a natural birth despite your tokophobia. I'm not talking 'force', I'm talking 'steer'. Mine in Asia certainly did.
If you have a planned section this can be 10-14 days before the EDD. However, depending on certain factors if the EDD is off a bit then you could end up potentially giving birth about 3 weeks earlier. Now, in and of itself, this is usually fine, but that's why doctors get a bit antsy. They wouldn't go out of their way to put you and a baby in this position for no medical reason. Early babies can have problems, lower birth weight, increased breathing problems and be trickier to breastfeed. That said, my baby was born at 35/36 weeks and was fine. No time in special care, easy to feed, but had to spend time under lights for jaundice and she was on the tiddly side (5lbs)
A planned section plus ante-natal care and after-care can cost 10-30 thousand pounds. Mine in Asia cost the equivalent as in the UK (roughly) and cost about 20k.
You may have to give birth naturally anyway. I don't say this to fuel your anxiety and phobia, but it could happen (and has happened to two friends) that you labour quickly and can't get to a hospital, or can't get prepped in time or the baby get into the birth canal and they can't safely perform a section. This would be the case whether NHS or privately.
Although completely understandable that it fuels your anxiety, there is no medical reason why your families traumatic births mean you're more likely to suffer the same (my friend is an obstetrician and I asked her) But I understand completely why this ramps up the anxiety.
If you haven't been pregnant yourself and have listened to friends who have said 'I asked for a section and got one', well, sometimes people simplify what went on in the consultation and it's often not as cut and dried as that. Many doctors, private and NHS and in other countries don't agree with non-medical sections. Again, mine didn't, although there were plenty in Singapore I believe who did.
All this said, you have a phobia. That is as good a reason in itself to have a section. You don't want to be overly stressing throughout your pregnancy (as I did) about birth. I'd still opt for counselling, it's not meant to 'make' you want a natural birth, simply discuss your strong feelings about this and about motherhood in general. I think you'll be fine.
How many weeks are you?