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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Scared of losing time w my DD when baby arrives

12 replies

oinkyoink · 13/05/2011 20:53

Does anyone feel the same? I have 13 weeks left and I am getting really emotional every time I think about the new baby arriving! Perhaps my hormones are getting to me but it's upsetting me a lot.
DD is 23 months old and is so sweet and we are having such lovely times at the moment; I am so worried she will be neglected when new baby arrives and that the whole balance we have will be gone. I read an article just now that said 'enjoy these last weeks with your toddler because in a few weeks things will change forever' and I burst into tears!! Is it really like that? :( :(

Maybe I am being silly....

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

notnowbernard · 13/05/2011 20:58

Bless you, you are (to quote TheSecondComing) "Hormental"

You will be hitting yourself regularly with the guilt stick about 1. not spending enough time with your dd and then 2. neglecting the baby because dd demands all your time

But it will all be fine, honest

Good luck, do you know what you're having?

Alibabaandthe80nappies · 13/05/2011 21:00

My toddler is 2.9, my baby is 6.5 weeks - and yes things have changed. It is very bittersweet, suddenly your DD will seem very grown up (and huge!).
I missed DS1 soooo much when I was in hospital having DS1, I was in for 3 nights because of one thing and another, and when I got home it was almost like I had to get to know him again. I couldn't read him his bedtime story for about 2 weeks without bursting into tears - which was probably the hormones!!

So yes everything does change, but it is also lovely. DS1 loves DS2, and DS2 smiles more for DS1 than he does for DH or I. DS1 and I still have lovely times just us when DS2 is napping, but he loves having a little brother and is looking forward to him being able to participate more in games

Do enjoy these last weeks though. I had dreadful SPD and was exhausted, and found it hard going.

notnowbernard · 13/05/2011 21:04

Oh yes, your dd will seem MASSIVE

I'll never forget putting DD1's night nappy on after having DD2 (having not done her bedtime for a few nights)... her chubby little toddler bum seemed enormous in comparison

Original poster

oinkyoink · 13/05/2011 21:11

Aw thanks, doesn't sound all bad then I am just quite tearful at the mo about the whole thing! So yes I will enjoy the last few weeks and hope that dd isn't too jealous and gets some pleasure out of her new sibling (it's a boy!) I guess it's important to set aside time for just her and me when ds arrives, and leave ds with dh etc so she still feels special etc.
I have heard too that when you come home from hospital your first seems so grown up and you expect a lot more of them.

OP posts:

notnowbernard · 13/05/2011 21:15

Aw, a DS, that's lovely

It will all be great. DD might well be a bit odd for a while - or she might take it on the chin completely, there's no way of knowing

1:1 time with dd is important, as you say. Hopefully the baby will sleep a lot

The 1 thing I remember clearly is really enjoying the time when dd1 went to bed at night. That was the time for lying on the sofa with dd2 on me, or just staring at her... because you can't do all that gooey stuff with a toddler around, for practical reasons and because they can get a bit jealous

youretheoneformefatty · 13/05/2011 21:17

I think it's perfectly normal to feel like this. I still feel sad and guilty when my eldest (4) asks Daddy to help with this or that because Im usually busy with our clingy 22 month old (with a third on the way!). But my eldest knows he is still my baby and at the end of the day it's still his mummy he wants when he's upset or worried.

TBH, your eldest will not remember when it was just you and her, anyway. I will always remember when I voiced these concerns about "will there be enough of me to go round?" to my midwife, she said imagine the flame of a candle, you can pass it round to an infinite number of other candles and the flame just continues. HTH!!

Pancakeflipper · 13/05/2011 21:22

Somehow ( and I haven't worked out how) the eldest still rules the roost! It's the younger ones who have to fit in.

Obviously at first your DD will notice attention going to baby but if you and your DP plan time for you and her to have an outing together ( park, cafe for toast?) then I am sure DD will feel secure, still loved, adored and it will all fall into place.

My eldest son loved our special just us time. In fact I was telling him tonight we needed to get him new trainers tomorrow and he's requested it's just him and me and we go into town on a double decker bus, top deck with a chocolate bar to share. I cannot wait.

Original poster

oinkyoink · 13/05/2011 21:29

Thanks - i'm feeling better reading your stories :)

OP posts:

pud1 · 13/05/2011 21:36

i felt the same when i was pg with dd2. my dds are 18 months apart and i could not see me having enough love or time to go round, but i did. i do think that dd2 did not get as much of my time as a baby but this has resulted in a far contented and "better" baby than dd1.
now i could not imagine doing it any other way. they are now 21 months and just over 3 and they are so close. i nowthink that if i had not had dd2 so soon dd1 would have some how missed out. she adores her little sister and to watch them together is lovely.

StayFr0sty · 13/05/2011 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rootatoot · 13/05/2011 22:23

Oinkyoink.....you are not silly at all. I was feeling the same......about my dog! LOL !!!! :D But I really love my little dog and will miss having lots of walks and playtime with him for a bit, but at least you can admit what you're feeling unashamedly. It's only other doggy nutters who will understand me ! :D

I'm sure it's entirely natural to feel unsure about how the new arrival will affect your time with your little girl, but it'll be wonderful too. Watching my friend's little boy with his new baby brother is so touching. :)

Just don't overcompensate. My mum ALWAYS goes on about how hard it was on my brother when I came along when he was just 18 months old. I think she has more than made up for it now. She is still doing his washing and he's nearly 40 ;)

fairy1978 · 14/05/2011 13:48

I felt the same and would burst into tears whenever I thought about the baby being born. I have an 18month gap between my first 2 and will have a 23 month gap between number 2 and number 3 (currently 32weeks pregnant) my first loved her little brother and used to help and want to hold him. She was sometimes a bit too hands on but I think this is what has toughened the little man up ha ha. They are so close now and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.
I haven't really thought about it with this one although reading this thread just made me cry!
I can remember though that when I changed my eldest after a newborn I thought that she was so heavy and so big!!
I had a few presents for her which her baby had chosen so I think that helped as well
Good luck and children adapt x

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