upset - did he spoil our surprise?

[misswolf]

Have namechanged for this. Posted in parenting also. Wanted to say before I start, I do absolutely realise that a baby's health is absolutely the most important thing and that many people have to contend with far, far more difficult situations. I hope this doesn't offend anyone, and I know I should be grateful for what I have, but I could really use some support here...

Had my 20 week scan today. Have two sons already and, ok, if I'm honest, I would slightly prefer to have a girl this time. I adore my boys beyond words, and of course would adore another boy just as much, but I would like the experience of having both sons and a daughter if possible. I've never found out the gender of my babies at scans before, and I LOVE the surprise on the day. Since I've been pregnant with number 3, I've known that any girl 'preference' would evaporate as soon as I'm holding that child in my arms, boy or girl, I'll just be overjoyed that they have arrived happy and healthy...so yet another reason not to find out gender at scan.

I basically explained as much to sonographer at scan today, and he was very aware of that, telling me to 'look away' when he was in that region etc etc. He He seemed pretty jovial at the beginning of it, when he didn't know the sex, but then felt his mood sort of changed. Towards end of scan he said 'so...you DON'T want to know the sex?' I said no, as we'd already discussed quite extensively! Then he started saying 'well, you know - three kids are three kids. You are going to be happy whatever...' To me, his comments absolutely gave the game away that we are having a third boy!!

More than the slight disappointment of not having a girl, I feel totally gutted that the surprise element has been taken away from us. My DH and best friend think I am being crazy and that the surprise is still there and who knows what the hell he meant by his comments. I don't know if they are just trying to calm me down though - to me it seems so obvious. I would love to hear what you guys think, or any similar experiences you have had. Thanks so much in advance xxx

I'm going to try and act like its a surprise..when my baby comes out a boy! tbh as its my first its not quite the same as your ordeal..hope you get the girl you wanted...however I'm sure if you have a boy you will be just as over the moon that it is happy and healthy xx

I actually read into it that it's likely to be a girl (first comment), but equally it could be a boy (second comment)

I think the surprise still stands too, but good luck whichever!

misswolf I just wanted to say that I agree with the others that god knows what he meant with all that blather but that I know that if someone had done that to me (we haven't found out the sex of ours) it would drive me crazy trying to figure out what he was implying.

So I'm not being very helpful but just registering that I absolutely know why you feel like you do because why didn't he just say "thanks very much scan over" ??? I am cross on your behalf!!

Whatever the inference, I wouldn't assume your sonographer knew the sex either. I was told with great certainty I was having a girl at my 20 week scan - but my little boy proved they can't always tell!

He was double bluffing you to add to your surprise, he wanted to tell you because he knew how thrilled you'd be.

You still don't really know do you?

I think given that he knew you very specifically didn't want to know the gender he would never have said anything to jeopodise that - he is a professional after all. I think his comments that three kids are three kids and you will be happy with whatever are simply a statement of fact. I really wouldn't read too much into it, I think your surprise is still very much in tact!

Leo, we asked the sonographer whether she could tell us what sex DD was. She said, "yes, I'm certain I know what it is, let me just have another look.... yes, I was right, it's a girl." They also had not been explicitly scanning the genital area so it is entirely possible for them to be sure even if its not a boy :)

Misswolf, he would have told you to look away before scanning the genital area so how could he have seen anything?