On micronor, done with reproducing, yet up the duff.

[Alwaysworthchecking]

Just to give a bit of background, I'm 40, with two kids already, wasn't planning anymore. Have some autoimmune diseases so not in the best of health, but I get by - live life at a slower pace than some, take my meds, etc. and all's fine (or fine enough for me, anyway). Recently got a job that I love, after 5 years as a SAHM. Then this morning I think, 'AF's late - better use up the pg test that's lurking about...' and it's positive.

How did that happen?! I'm on micronor (Pill) and, after a few early cock ups (as it were) I've been taking it properly, regularly, etc.

Anyway, that's not the real question. The real question is: in my shoes, what do you think you might do? Dh (who has retired to bed with a headache, brought on by the stress of worrying about it all day) is very much of the opinion that we should 'let nature take it's course'. To put that into perspective, one of the effects of my autoimmunity is that I have to take blood thinners to stay pregnant. By not doing anything, I will miscarry.

Thing is, despite seeing the sense of his suggestion, I can't quite bring myself to commit to that. Before dc1 I had 3 miscarriages and I don't want to go through that again. I know, I know - pregnancy, birth and another child will be 'going through' something else altogether. I know dh makes more sense but...ah...do you get me?

Dh said this morning, 'Neither of us want any more children.' But ah, DH, it would now be more correct to say, 'Neither of us wanted any more children; one of us is now incubating a spark and feels slightly differently.

See - it's a 'spark' - it's a something - it's...there.

So, what would you do???

How quickly would you need to be taking blood thinners? Would it make sense to take them whilst you make up your mind? You need to talk openly with your DH really....hard decision though

although I think I know where your heart is

I think I know where your heart is too.

And I agree. It makes sense to take meds whilst making up your mind as it were.

Do you have any idea how far along you are?

I think situations like these are really tough. Women often have that immediate emotional connection whereas men often take a lot longer to form a bond. ATM it's invisible and a nuisance, whereas to you it's part of your body.

Good luck. I think straight talking is necessary for you both, but perhaps also a visit to the EPU for a scan to determine how pg you are.

Ah yes - I think you've seen right through me there. I've probably got a few more days maybe start of next week, if I'm being optimistic. TBH if I start those blood thinners, coming off them will feel even more like a deliberate act, if that makes any sense. (Not against that, per se...I just don't feel good about it right now.)

Dh and I do need to talk. His sleeping is kind of getting in the way there. Not sure what to say to him, but I'll give it some thought. He's clearly far more stressed than I am - and I know I should be stressed but, to be honest, I'm more confused!

Thank you for your reply. I appreciate it!

Hi

I have APS/ Hughes which it sounds like you do too and I also got pregnant with DS1 on micronor. Maybe it doesn't work on us.

I think its better that you actively choose whether to continue the pregnancy or not. Its possible that clots could form but baby survive and you have a late miscarriage as I did with DC2 whilst just taking aspirin.

Why not have a chat with BPAS or someboday like that and take the blood thinning drugs whilst you have a think. FWIW the blood thinning stuff also stops you dying from a blood clot whilst pregnant.

Micronor is crap isn't it.

ButtonMoon - x-posted. Owing to being on Micronor, I'm not entirely sure. I think 4 to 4.5 weeks, possibly nudging 5. The EPU lot are a bit mean round here, so I probably need to phone my cons and get a scan through her, if I'm going to do that.

You are so right about men's and women's immediate reactions to pregnancy. I was beyond devastated over each m/c, whereas dh took a lot longer to 'catch up', as it were. By the third, he was devastated too, but it did seem to be a gradual thing for him.

Thank you, too.

Deardoctor, I x-posted with you too. Isn't that interesting - about Micronor and Hughes?! I know it's just us two speculating, on what is anything but a controlled trial, but it does make you wonder! Yes, I do have Hughes/APS and also Lupus. Thanks for the advice on blood thinners - no I do not want either a late miscarriage or to hasten my own death! Good advice!

So sorry to hear about your dc2.

Thank you for responding.

Well, goodness only knows what's going on now. Dh and I kind of accepted things as they were, then I thought I was probably miscarrying and now I've really no idea! Oh well - got a cons appointment booked for Thursday so I guess I'll know by then, one way or the other!

I feel very philosophical about it all, really. Just decided to enjoy however much or how little of the pregnancy I got to keep and to keep on enjoying the other bits of my life. (Finding it a little hard to enjoy the nausea, but even that's balanced-out by the joy of the new-found Jamaica Ginger Beer addiction.)

Yes, you see: nausea (pregnant?) and yet light but red bleeding with cramps (miscarriage?). Who knows!

Oh dear, v ing.

I hope whatever happens it's the right thing for you and your family.

Take care.

Thanks, Ladies. LunaticFringe, I am so sorry to hear about your losses :( Huge congratulations on the safe arrial of ds1! :)

Thanks for the support. I feel chilled and philosophical about it all now, so long may that (at least!) last.

Just an update: Started miscarrying yesterday. What a bummer! Why my body leapt at a 1% chance of conceiving, only to throw it all away again, is anyone's guess. Far betr to have stuck with the 99% odds in the first place, I'd have thought.

Not the nicest thing to be experiencing, but at least I have the two dc. My previous miscarriages were all pre-dc and I have never been in such a bad place as I was then. This is hardly a joyful experience, but I've had much, much worse.

Thanks for all the advice and support. xx

better even.