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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Been hearing horrible stories about childbirth and very nervous!

22 replies

ScarIettOHara · 05/05/2011 21:05

I'm not sure whether I'm looking for reassurance or just honesty - but I've ben hearing lots of stories about tearing during childbirth. Apparently this happens frequently and the thought is literally making me cringe - you can lose all your sensitivity down there?! I would honestly rather have an episiotomy but apparently they are more likely to let you tear than do this...

I'd be grateful to hear about any experiences (particularly ones that might reduce my worry!)

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MollysChamber · 05/05/2011 21:08

Well I've had three babies . Tore twice and was stitched back together. Recovered fine. Tbh it was really no biggie. Never heard of anyone losing sensitivity. I believe you heal better with a tear rather than a cut.

RitaMorgan · 05/05/2011 21:09

Tears heal better than episiotomies, so they don't do epis unless really necessary. Either way it'll be fine though! By the time you're at that point whether you tear or are cut won't be the main thing on your mind.

SilveryMoon · 05/05/2011 21:10

I had a cut and a tear with ds1, didn't feel either as had had a spinal block for a forcep delivery.
The whole memory of it is a bit blurred now and it's only been 3.8 years.
Ds2 was induced and I had ga and air, I had a tear with him. The tear was across the scarring from ds1 and i did feel it, but it was fine. Honestly.
I know it's horrid to think about but when you're actually there it's completely different.
If you do your pelvic floor exercises now, and then continue after birth, you've got a better chanv=ce of a quicker recovery.
It really will be fine

fartingfran · 05/05/2011 21:10

I had a tear - didn't feel it happen and they didn't stitch it. It healed fine and although I was pretty ginger about sex the first few times it was more in my head I think. TBH the piles were worse than the tear!

Seriously though, for me childbirth was medicalised, not to plan and really sore but it was still hands down the coolest 6 hours of my life :)

MarionCole · 05/05/2011 21:11

I had an epi, healed fine, all ok down there now.

thisisyesterday · 05/05/2011 21:12

oh everyone is very quick to tell horror stories of birth, people rarely talk about their nice experiences unfortunately.

tears tend to heal better than cuts, because the jagged edges knit together better, also you might NOT tear, so they would rather see how it goes than deliberately cut you unless it's absolutely necessary.

I had a second degree tear with ds1, and it was fine. got stitched up and all went ok.
didn't tear with either of my subsequent babies.

you caqn do things like perineal massage whilst pregnant, which is said to help, and also if you birth in water it can apparently soften things up and make you less likely to tear as well.
I think the biggest thing though is to listen to the midwives when the head is crowning and make sure you breathe through that and let the head deliver slowly to reduce risk of tearing.

sofaqueenie · 05/05/2011 21:15

It's so natural to be worried, I was exactly the same when I had my first son (15 months)

Mine was quite a positive experience to be honest, so much so that we're currently TTC again.

I was induced because I had a condition called Obstetric Choleastasis (sp) so spent a few days on the ward before going to give birth. DS was 8lb 9oz and he just would not come out, so in the end I had a forcep delivery (obv with an epidural!!) I also had a second degree tear as they gave me an epiostomy, I didn't lose any sensitivity at all when we started to have sex again, I think it was around 8 weeks when we finally did the deed! It was a little sore, but once we got into the swing of things it was fine.

Now it feels totally normal like I haven't even had a baby. My midwife did say that you should still do the pelvic floor exercises to get the stiches to heal a little quicker as it gets the blood flowing to the area.

I hope that helps a little, I'm sure you'll do great!

buttonmoon78 · 05/05/2011 21:15

2 epis, one tear. No difference in healing IME.

Whatever you do (this is similar to google) don't listen to horror stories. Someone you know will always have had a horrific birth, the midwives couldn't believe how brave they were, almost broke birth partner's fingers etc etc but in the main, whilst being an amazing event, it's often pretty straightforward.

You can do some research into birthing positions which can help to avoid tearing and inform your MWs about it but at the end of the day, sometimes it's inevitable and with an epi its better off done than not as it normally means they need baby to make a quick exit.

I can honestly say that I've had no loss of sensation at all

anonacfr · 05/05/2011 21:16

I had a tear inside (didn't even know that could happen!). I didn't feel it at the time, stitching was awful but I recovered fine and didn't lose any sensitivity. I was just sore for a few days but it was nothing compared to recovering from the emergency C section I had with DC1.

DoMeDon · 05/05/2011 21:21

I was terrified of tearing - it ruled my thoughts towards the end of my pg. I did lots of massage on my perenium (sp!) and slow breathing practice for the crowning. As it happened I had to stand up at the end of my birthing and DD shot out in one go - I had a 2nd degree tear. I was insistant that I didn't want stitches and my midwife agreed, on the basis I would take good care. I kept walking up and down stairs to a minimum (once up and down a day for 2 weeks) and sat with my legs together (not crossed). I kept it clean and dry (as possible obviously) and took lots of arnica. It healed quickly and really well.

I also used my friends top tip - keep a sports bottle of cold water with a drop of tea tree oil in for going to the toilet. From my first post birth wee I squirted the cold water on my bits as I went to the toilet. I heard of burning wee stories from friends and never experienced it thanks to my squirty bottle.

Original poster

ScarIettOHara · 05/05/2011 21:59

Thank you for your responses - it's very reassuring to hear this (after the horror stories everyone seems to want to tell me these days!)

Thanks again :)

OP posts:

horseygirly · 06/05/2011 22:17

Yeah just really try not to worry. Theres a thing between women isn't there where you want to be the one who had the worse experience or something! People exagarate. I had an episiotomy (with local anaesthetic so didn't feel the cut), I'm not going to say it wasn't uncomfortable after but it healed up fine. This may be TMI but sex was uncomfortable to an extent for probably a few months at least, but that's nothing in terms of a whole lifetime is it! And honestly now (2 yrs on) I'm definitely more sensitive down below for whatever reason... bonus! He he. When you're in labour you honestly will not even be thinking about this. You go inside yourself into your own little place and you just get on with it. I think a lot of women who tear don't even realise. Just try not to worry. If it happens you WILL cope with it x

lilly13 · 06/05/2011 22:21

why don't you get an epi-no machine and do practice exercises? i am doing some now... it is very painful and i am not sure if it works, but definitely worth a try... will let you know how it goes - i am due soon...

StatelyPoshBeartrothal · 06/05/2011 22:34

I have had two births without tearing. Apparently I had a 'graze' both times but only knew because they told me - no soreness from it

NoWayNoHow · 06/05/2011 22:35

I kind of understand why you need reaasurance, but getting people to tell you how they DIDN'T tear doesn't mean you won't, and equally, loads of horrible stories about how bad some had it doesn't mean it'll happen to you.

Read up on how you can "help" that area get through childbirth better - prepare as much as you can and the rest will just be up to fate/luck!

Wishing you lots of it, btw - luck, that is!

Oh, I had an episiotomy and a 3rd degree tear - in spite of some shoddy aftercare and resultant infection, it's healed up fine and is almost as if it never happened. No loss of feeling at all.

StatelyPoshBeartrothal · 06/05/2011 22:43

No I agree, but you tend to only hear the horror stories, so it is always useful to have some stories to balance it out.
When IO was heavily pg I was surrounded by people telling me how damn hard childbirth was and how utterly stressful life with a newborn was and I was terrified. A good friend with her first 2 week old called me to chat (which I was amazed at as other friends had given the impression this would be beyond impossible) and said something along the lines - yes, it is difficult and it hurts a lot but you manage. Yes, life with a newborn is sleep deprived but it's fine. She wasn't being patronising, she was matter of fact. It was exactly what I needed to hear at the time.

juuule · 06/05/2011 22:51

episiotomy + 3rd degree tear with first baby. Healed well, no problems.
episiotomy with 2nd baby. Healed well, no problems.
2 precautionary stitches with 4th baby.
All others no epis or tears.
9 babies in all.
Quite liked giving birth :o

icravecheese · 07/05/2011 09:32

I had episiotomy then 3rd degree tear with 1st babe (forceps delivery), healed absolutely fine.
Then totally natural labour with 2nd baby, another 3rd degree tear, again healed fine.
I didnt even notice the tearing to be honest - you're so focused on pushing babe out, you dont notice the tearing (in my experience anyway).

Try not to worry about it - i've heard labouring and / or birthing in water can help, as can perineum massage, some contraption you insert up your doodah to stretch it from about 37wks preg....lots of things to try if you want.

Now expecting no3 and wondering if i'll tear again, although been given option of CS if I want (to avoid problems down below if I did have another 3rd degree). However, regardless of the tears I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE giving birth naturally (& i'm no crazy earth mother either!), so relax & try to enjoy!! xx

wolfhound · 07/05/2011 09:40

Two births, tore both times (didn't feel the tearing). Stitches afterwards. No problems at all. No loss of sensitivity. No continence issues. Absolutely fine. About to have birth no. 3, hopefully will go the same way! I don't talk much about my (good) births because it makes women who've had bad experiences feel like I'm gloating, and I don't get the impression people want to hear about it really. But I agree, bad experiences get much more airtime which is scary for first-timers.

PamSco · 07/05/2011 09:43

My OH has offred to massage me and sgtretch the skin ahead of time, could be fun. Could so be a pain lol!

My mammy has given me advice. Let it tear, in general less muscle damage therefore heals quicker.

themildmanneredjanitor · 07/05/2011 09:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Grumpla · 07/05/2011 09:49

2nd degree tear, stitches, gas and air and a local so didn't feel them being done.

Wees in the shower for a couple of weeks but honestly it was fine, no major discomfort.

I have to say I made the decision not to look at my stitches etc. Had a look some months afterwards - looks and more importantly feels exactly the same as it used to.

I understand your worries. It is frightening!

I cried with relief the first time I had sex afterwards, having heard so many awful stories I was worried I would never have an orgasm again!

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