Dealing with influx of relatives...

[spatchcock]

Hi all,

Am due to have my PFB at the beginning of July. DP has the summer off and I had (naively) envisaged a summer of the three of us bonding and lazing about in the sun.

Now I?ve discovered that DP?s parents (who live 300 miles away) and my parents (who live on the other side of the world) are all coming to us from about mid July for about six weeks, give or take.

Both sets of parents are great and there is not a psycho amongst them (although my mum and I rub each other up the wrong way sometimes). However, this means they will all be spending a LOT of time with us, some of them staying (on the living room floor and in the box room, not in our room as MIL requested!!). All of them can stay with other relatives but I know the main focus will be on our place.

I know everyone?s excited and I am honestly pleased this is the case. I also know they will be happy to pitch in and help around the house etc which will be really welcome. But I am really used to having my own space and of course I have no idea how everything will go with the baby and am not comfortable with people there all the time watching me in our small flat.

I can?t be the first person this has happened to. I am not sure what I am asking for, your experiences of similar and possibly some advice on how to maintain my sanity!

In case you hadn?t guessed, this will be the first grandchild on both sides...

Hi Spatchcock. My PIL situation is quite different from yours - they're just 8 miles away. They will no doubt be popping by a fair bit, but never for hours on end, and will be bringing loads of food, nappies etc. as that's the kind of people they are.

My dad can't come and visit, much as he'd love to, as he was seriously ill 18 months ago (quadruple bypass) and isn't fit to travel. I'm planning to take DD there in late September for my sister's wedding though, so he'll get to meet her then.

It sounds like I get on with my mum in a similar way that you do - she's lovely, but she does drive me bonkers sometimes! She has a bad habit of not being able to stop talking sometimes, whereas I am often very quiet. (As is my DP - he finds this side of her hard too!) I think she thinks silence = something wrong. But overall it should be ok, and I know she'll help. She's an ace cook and would never do anything bonkers like criticise the house or lecture me about baby stuff etc. Weirdly, she is also calmer when taken out of her usual environment - we got on far better last time she visited the UK than when I've been back to Canada.

I would say 'no' to more than one guest at a time because like yourself, I'm really big on personal space. I think overseas travel trumps 300 miles away (although both are big in their own way of course) so if they really must visit over the same dates, I'd be finding a way to house your PIL elsewhere by calling in all favours due - but also reassuring them that you know they really want to see the baby, and that they are welcome for lots of visiting. If they are lovely as you say, they will understand.

I learned to be tough after one of my very good friends made the huge mistake of having her parents come to visit from Newcastle to London the day she got home from hospital. In a tiny 2 bed flat. Baby wouldn't settle or latch on, her mum was unfortunately the type to dole out advice and was lecturing her at 3 AM about what she was doing wrong (although probably meaning well) - I shudder when I think about going through something like that. No, no, NO!

Sorry Flisspaps - didn't mean to be brusque, I appreciate ALL advice and am taking everything on board, honest. Except the thing about pyjamas, I have my pride!! (Although I might be eating my hat in two months...)

I didn't say they wouldn't be understanding of my space. I was just asking if anyone had had a similar experience to mine - eg, relatives coming from far away who are very, very excited and want to spend time with the new baby.

I get what you're saying re: pyjamas Flisspaps - it does make it loud and clear that you are not operating "as normal" and would send a clear message to visitors who were a bit clueless and expected to be looked after. Staying in your bedroom with the baby is another good one.

I intend to spend much of the first 2 weeks in pyjamas, or maybe upgrading to tracky bottoms at a push.