Just told mil - advice needed

[googietheegg]

told mil last night about the baby and I need some advice please. She is a good person who tries hard to be decent and kind, but sometimes says unwise things even though I know her motivation is good. She just talked about her own pregnancies when I mentioned anything (I've not had any ms:oh nor did I I just felt a little blah blah blah...) but what bothered me is she said 'whatever happens now at least you know you can conceive' which I know isn't wrong, (this is my first) but surely you don't say that??

Sometimes people are very insensitive and don't realise that the stuff they say to a pregnanat women can have you worrying in a way you never used too.

Unfortunately it probably won't be the first silly thing that gets said, you'll have all the birth horror stories of "friends of friends" to come yet too.

Please try to take them all with a pinch of salt and enjoy your pregnancy!

Oh and congratulations! :o

Yep when people are faced with a pregnant lady they do talk about their own experiences. I am probably guilty of a similar sort of thing.

That last comment is a bit insensitive but maybe if she had worries about fertility when she was younger she would expect other people to feel the same?

Congratulations. Try not to let other peoples comments get to you.

Oh look your mil was doing what everybody does which is refer back to their own experience. I was awfully sick so anybody who tells me about a pregnancy gets asked 'how are you ' Then this is followed with tales of 9 months of throwing up x 3. That's how it was for me. Women talking together about pregnancy is just how it is - wait till you get to baby groups. You will know everything about each other's stitches and evil (or lovely) midwives.Your mil is right too - it is good to know that you can conceive. I assume you're still fairly early days and I'm sure your mil is hoping everything goes very, very well but she is acknowledging that this is an uncertain business. You may well find that she has miscarried in the past or knows people who have.

oh bless you. My parents have been buying clothes already (I only hit 12 weeks this week) and my dad said on the phone the other day that he felt it was too early to be buying stuff and it was a bit risky.

I'm sure he didn't think about it before he said it and didn't click that what he can say to my mum is not the same as he can say to me, but I did have to swallow hard and have a little rant as soon as I put the phone down!

It's good to get out the frustration without causing a family row though!!!

congratulations!
katy

I am 21 weeks now

My Dad last week (he has had a stroke and does have trouble sayig the right words, so i am putting it down to that) when discussing having a baby etc said "You might loose it yet" (i think he meant i "might give birth" (well yes i hope so!), but thats what he said, and his sister quite recently has lost 3 babies at 20-lots weeks so who knows.

My mum managed to change the subject suggesting he meant HAVE as opposed to loose baby but im not convinced

Thanks all - she is really lovely and I really don't want to be one of those pregnant women that thinks everyone else's life should now be dominated by me, or that I should be the only topic of conversation allowed (and even then only on my terms!) so I wanted to ask the mumsnet massive (increasingly appropriate!!) for advice instead of festering.

I think you're going to have to just smile and brush it off as a silly comment tbh. You will get a lot of them during pregnancy and people will annoy the hell out of you, moreso as time goes on I'm afraid. They'll annoy you when they fuss over you, annoy you when they don't...

And then you'll have the baby and the daft pg comments will seem the epitome of sane and thoughtful advice compared the rubbish you'll hear about every tiny aspect of you and your baby's life.

Congratulations

Yes, it's silly comments time when you're pg and if you're anything like me, you'll dwell on things when people say stuff like 'Your bump's not very big' or 'Should you be eating that?'. Your mil was probably just over the moon that you can conceive and isn't looking ahead to the end result, maybe she doesn't want to count her chickens before they're hatched, so to speak! But people don't realise how their comments can hurt, I wouldn't worry. Congrats, BTW!